Mitch39

Hi,
Wow, I never thought my drinking would get to this point. My father was an alcoholic and died young from liver cancer; my mom was worried I would turn out like him if I drank as she saw me with some bad hangovers when I was in my 20's. Well, she died too close after my father and now I really don't have anyone that is too worried (or at least tells me) about my drinking. Having someone verify I have a problem would be helpful but it's like a taboo topic. I can go a few days without drinking but those cues...any social situation, any Friday night, Saturday night, anytime we go out...well you know...


I have tries to cut down, that occasionally worked for one night but then the next wham- I end up drinking maybe 1-2 bottles of wine or 6-7 beers and then in bed the next day after vomiting, blacking out, my esophagus and throat burn, head throbs, head spins, guilt, diarrhea, missed work; this really sucks. I don't want to die young like my father. What's it gonna take for me to stop?

I want to stop the pattern. My husband's father too was an alcoholic and smoker, he died recently due to throat cancer. He drinks just as much as I do without the hangovers. I have not told him my desperation or my fears, my desire to quit; years ago he said he would not quit so, I don't want to make him feel bad, this is my life, I cannot force him to quit; I'll need to deal with accepting him how he is and quitting myself. Hopefully I can be an example.


Really bad hangover with just 4-5 beers this weekend again; first time my liver still burns after 2 days. This has to be my wake up call. I have not had a drink on Monday or Tuesday; now it's wed. I decided to stop Monday morning, the burning in my stomach is a reminder, what will be my reminder when that pain has diminished and the gin and tonic speaks to me?

TheSoberDude

My dad was also an alcoholic, and he has been sober for 11-12 years now. He had fallen victim to complete cardiac arrest, and was revived several times. He proceeded to be sober for a year, then relapsed and finally went to rehab after he drove into a cement wall and had severe stomach ulcers. I soon followed the same alcoholic type behavior before I found sobriety.

You have the genetics of alcoholism in your blood. It's a good realization that you will end up dead if you continue to drink. That in itself should give you motivation to stop, but I would be lying if it was that easy. Many of us alcoholics don't think about the negative health side effects and eventual death that comes with it. We only focus on the buzz, and everything else is tucked back away. We know it's bad, yet we do it anyways, because we simply don't know how to stop.

Firstly, I would focus on your own sobriety, which may be a difficult task if your husband does not want to stay sober. You have to re-wire yourself, but you must not worry about saving others, until you can successfully save yourself. Your husband may decide to drink less, or he may even drink more. Regardless, I would have a sit down and advise him that you want to quit and can't be around alcohol. If he cares about your wants, he won't drink or be drunk around you. That would be an unhealthy situation for you, and could cause a relapse or two. The beginning stages of sobriety are tough, and I don't advise anyone to be around alcohol and situations in which you drank alcohol. At least not until you have a strong grasp on your recovery.

Additionally, your liver burning does not sound good. I'm not a medical doctor, but it might not be a bad idea to go to a doctor and get that checked on.

rich27

My Dad is a heavy drinker as well and he had cirrhosis of the liver about 10 years ago which he had to do daily dialysis at the hospital. It literally took him 15 mins to walk from his bedroom to the washroom and he got so skinny I could see his bones in his arms. Once he got better he began to drink again.

Over a period of the last 6 months, my drinking slowly began to become a problem too. I'd drink 2 bottles of wine and black out. I drank to forget the negativity and drank to celebrate accomplishments.

I went to AA meetings and listening to stories of loss and struggle and I realized it all sounded like me, except I still had my job and a place to live.

I think what is clicking for me is that, after months of trying on my own, I'd finally opened up about myself and my drinking habits to friends and family and I knew I couldn't feel ashamed of how people would see me. By opening up, it gave me even more incentive to do something after admitting to myself and others that my drinking was the common denominator of all the problems I was living and experiencing.

january161992

AA's answer :

Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom
first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to
practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom.
For practicing A.A.’s remaining eleven Steps means the
adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic
who is still drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to
be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess
his faults to another and make restitution for harm done?
Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone
meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy
in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer? No,
the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t
care for this prospect—unless he has to do these things in
order to stay alive himself.

Dee74

Welcome Mitch - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here

D

BDTL

Congrats on seeking support as that is your first step to healing. Be honest with your husband and let him know your are concerned about your health. You may want to join a local support group and I highly suggest AA however you will need help from those who understand. I'm glad you found SR because there are so many awesome folks on this forum that you can learn from and lean on. Welcome and now go make plans to get your sobriety. You can do this!

Lizajane

Hi Mitch,
I would think about going to a meeting. Your home is probably a very tempting place to be right now. Posting here is great but it sounds like you are saying that on this third day of being sober, you are losing your resolve. You don't have to stay with the AA program, but getting out to one now while you are searching for ways to stay sober is a good idea. Getting to the doctor will also give you motivation. If you really believe you can feel liver pain, then get a clear picture of where you stand. YOur hubby is bound to support your quit if the doctor says you need to quit to stay healthy. Good luck and keep posting.

AtomicBlue

Great to hear from you Mitch. It sounds like you're having a moment of clarity right now. You can see your pattern of having difficulty controlling drinking and the negative health consequences that are happening. I say hold on to this and keep moving forward. I too recommend reaching out for more help (meetings, treatment, seeing the Dr. sounds good too). I really have hope for you and believe can do this!!

bringmeback7693

Glad you're here Mitch. Like you've said, it seems you've tried and failed to cut down on alcohol, which is a classic sign. It's good you're recognizing this now so you won't have the same fate as your father.

Amount of alcohol doesn't really matter as much as our RELATIONSHIP to it. What happens when you try to have one drink and then stop? I could never do it. That was the telltale sign for me.

You can get and stay sober. You can have SUCH a better and happier life. Do you want that? Only you can decide.

This is a great resource. Was my first step in getting sober.