Am I better than them?
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 148
I don't think the fact that you have 2 brown paper bags makes you a pathetic hobo, nor anyone else for that matter.
My biggest problem, however, was similar to yours. I never was falling down in the street, drinking daily or gotten a DWI, so I felt like maybe my problem isnt that bad. But, comparisons don't mean anything. I have plenty of regrets due to my drinking, and one day I could end up with that DWI or drinking every single day if I dont stop.
You have to change your mentality when it comes to drinking. You are here because you know it is bad. It is effecting your life negatively. Pour them out and save yourself from the grief and disappointment that I am feeling today.
My biggest problem, however, was similar to yours. I never was falling down in the street, drinking daily or gotten a DWI, so I felt like maybe my problem isnt that bad. But, comparisons don't mean anything. I have plenty of regrets due to my drinking, and one day I could end up with that DWI or drinking every single day if I dont stop.
You have to change your mentality when it comes to drinking. You are here because you know it is bad. It is effecting your life negatively. Pour them out and save yourself from the grief and disappointment that I am feeling today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
"I am better than them". "Certainly not out of a paper bag" - Are you for real?No love - I'm afraid you don't appear to be better than them as that couple there whom you seem to be slagging off for no good reason other than the fact that they counted change and aren't as well dressed as you thought they ought to be in all probability have hearts of solid gold. I apologise for my tone but no-one on this earth has the right to look down on another - you haven't walked in the moccasins of the entire human race so please try to perhaps work on your empathy skills. Sorry if you find my plain speaking offensive.
That said - please throw out the booze and I hope that you find peace in sobriety.
That said - please throw out the booze and I hope that you find peace in sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well. My belief is that you are loved. And they are loved. And when you learn to love others (like those people - feeling compassion for them) you will also learn to love yourself.
https://www.slideshare.net/lynnard18...ecial-15275361
And you know. No matter what your answer to your title question - drinking is still a bad idea. Keeping the alcohol is still a bad idea. You know that really. Why not tell that AV of yours to go do one.
BB
https://www.slideshare.net/lynnard18...ecial-15275361
And you know. No matter what your answer to your title question - drinking is still a bad idea. Keeping the alcohol is still a bad idea. You know that really. Why not tell that AV of yours to go do one.
BB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 274
I guess it struck a chord that you could be eating out of dumpsters soon. But what an arrogant thought. No you are not bettter than who they are😊. In fact worse if you look at other humans in that light: this ought to bring you to some mindfulness and stop drinking and love yourself and be lucky for the life you have, and will have!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
We were touching on this in my home group today.
Nuggets for your question and this discussion:
A friend in the group shared that she had just visited a new dr- for restless leg syndrome- and when she disclosed, as she should, that she is an alcoholic - he didn't give her a chance to say she was a RECOVERING alcoholic of almost 7 years...he went into a litany of things alcohol could do to her, ways she was hurting herself and as she said - talked to her like a 2 yr old. Now, she said sure this could be her perception - but she's (we are) hard enough on herself without shaming....which is real close to comparison.
And, here's the big word: ACCEPTANCE. It's central to, well, just about everything in a life of recovery. Of who I am - I'm an alcoholic with particular details to my story, but I am not a special snowflake. There is, fundamentally, NO difference in shades of alcoholics: we are, or we aren't, I believe.
Lastly- ego is closely tied to comparison, right? And when it's all about the "I" and the comparing of my insides to another's outsides and so on -
I LOSE.
And, I could die if I play any of the mental games I've just described.
And....I choose to live.
Nuggets for your question and this discussion:
A friend in the group shared that she had just visited a new dr- for restless leg syndrome- and when she disclosed, as she should, that she is an alcoholic - he didn't give her a chance to say she was a RECOVERING alcoholic of almost 7 years...he went into a litany of things alcohol could do to her, ways she was hurting herself and as she said - talked to her like a 2 yr old. Now, she said sure this could be her perception - but she's (we are) hard enough on herself without shaming....which is real close to comparison.
And, here's the big word: ACCEPTANCE. It's central to, well, just about everything in a life of recovery. Of who I am - I'm an alcoholic with particular details to my story, but I am not a special snowflake. There is, fundamentally, NO difference in shades of alcoholics: we are, or we aren't, I believe.
Lastly- ego is closely tied to comparison, right? And when it's all about the "I" and the comparing of my insides to another's outsides and so on -
I LOSE.
And, I could die if I play any of the mental games I've just described.
And....I choose to live.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
In very early recovery I'd sometimes catch myself making judgment on people buying booze before noon or with change(like I've never done either..sheesh). Thing is I don't know their story. MAybe they work graveyard?..maybe they're getting the hangover undercontrol by hair of the dog? Maybe it's non of my business..yeah I'll go with that one. Looking back I was trying to put myself in their shoes if I continued drinking the way I was drinking. Hurt someone in a DUI and lose every cent I have possibly..Keep making poor business decisions and lose every cent that I have. Keep alienating close family/friends with my poor drinking behaivor and lose everyone that I have,ect.. I'm really curious why you'd cast judgment on them and then buy the exact same thing she did. The only way I would have done that,after passing judgment, is if I was planning on giving them to her on my way out of the store. Once you start working on a solid path to sobriety you'll see how important it is to "stay in YOUR lane". Keep your side of the street clean and let others tend to their's. It's already confusing as hell with focusing on your problems,so no need to complicate it more. Dump the trash flavored malt liqour. It's what like $5 for both?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
I would’ve felt the same way as you if I were in your shoes. I’m better, I’m classier, I don’t have any problems because I’m going to go home in my new car to my nice townhouse and watch my big screen TV, but I’m going to drink almost 2 bottles of good wine while I do it. Truth of it is, those people probably have their crap together a million times more than I do! Looks can be very deceiving...I hope you are still going strong on your 5 weeks 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 135
No one has their crap together. That’s an illusion. Be open-minded.
And 4Loko is horrible, causes much misery. I want to vomit even thinking about it. Sure, causes a cheap buzz, but not any kind of buzz I’d ever want. I’d much prefer not vomiting and diarrhea of the mouth for walks on the beach with my son if I want to feel “high.”
Be safe and sober! It’s a lot better. Focus on you. Dump them out. You won’t regret it.
And 4Loko is horrible, causes much misery. I want to vomit even thinking about it. Sure, causes a cheap buzz, but not any kind of buzz I’d ever want. I’d much prefer not vomiting and diarrhea of the mouth for walks on the beach with my son if I want to feel “high.”
Be safe and sober! It’s a lot better. Focus on you. Dump them out. You won’t regret it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Hi Katzen ... hope you're ok. I've been reflecting on this thread.
I don't believe you intended to come across like you really thought you were 'better' than that couple. You seemed to be trying to capture a train of thought you were going down, like an AV stream of consciousness thing (warts-and-all), perhaps recognising also that it wasn't completely a compassionate way of thinking.
We can ALL be quite judgey at times, even if we know that's against our better nature.
Anyway, as I said, I hope you're OK. Let us know how you went with the cans ... hope you poured them out.
I don't believe you intended to come across like you really thought you were 'better' than that couple. You seemed to be trying to capture a train of thought you were going down, like an AV stream of consciousness thing (warts-and-all), perhaps recognising also that it wasn't completely a compassionate way of thinking.
We can ALL be quite judgey at times, even if we know that's against our better nature.
Anyway, as I said, I hope you're OK. Let us know how you went with the cans ... hope you poured them out.
Karate girl
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 109
Pour them straight down the drain! If you even have one sip you know how upset you will be with yourself. It's not worth it!!!!!! That would be wasting your last 5 weeks and YOU take priority over those stupid cans!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Originally Posted by Katzen 
But I know I’m an alcoholic... are they alcoholics too.. or maybe they only drink a can a week because that’s all they can afford... and I’m thinking if that’s the case they probably are better than me.
Still don’t want to waste these by pouring down the drain... so I’m struggling to ignore them...
Still don’t want to waste these by pouring down the drain... so I’m struggling to ignore them...
I ended up physically addicted to alcohol, such that I needed to drink in the early mornings, to stop risky withdrawals. I recall sitting in our car, in a car park, whilst my husband attended an appointment. It took longer than expected and I started shaking and feeling nauseous. I’d hidden my alcoholism from my husband, who thought I was just an evening stress-relief drinker.
I’d forgotten to stash away my alcohol supplies in the boot, I needed alcohol to quell my withdrawal symptoms so my husband wouldn’t notice. I walked to a petrol station garage and purchased some cans of lager. I sat drinking cans, wrapped with some paper I found in the car, to hide my shameful drinking.
Katzen, you can put down the drink now, and continue your great alcohol free run!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Thanks to everyone who replied to my posts... I do wish I could comment on each and every one but my two pups finally fell asleep and I’m sleepy too so need to get sleep whenever I can because they usually get “the friskies” after 4-5 hours of sleep... raising 2 pups, about 10 and 14 months old, can be as difficult as raising 2 toddlers!
I did go to hospital my insurance covers, drive was over 2 hours each way and spent about 5 hours there getting blood tests, CT scan and MRI... some kind of heart test forget what it’s called, hooked up to electrodes, walk around, checking my heart... at age 50 they say I’m as healthy as someone 20 years younger... so at least I can breathe a sigh of relief there.
All I could think about at the hospital is how horrible I felt about leaving my 2 pups home alone, they had never been alone more than an hour when I’d do grocery shopping, lately only did shopping when my husband was home, and they always seemed so sad to see me leave and so very happy when I returned... and that’s what’s keeping me going right now, what’s keeping me sober... my 2 sweet pups.
I did pour out the drinks and felt great to do so. I didn’t intend my post to sound like I felt better than others... I do have great compassion in me, especially to those who may be less fortunate... but when I posted I was in such a self-loathing mood and I felt bad about how at the convenience store I felt myself looking down on these total strangers, I think it was my AV just looking for a reason, any reason, to relapse. “I’m a mean bad alcoholic, so I should punish myself by drinking.. nobody would know or care if I drink this crappy stuff” that was my mindset at the time.
I think I was spending way too much time reading posts on SR... don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming SR for my feelings... but I was reading so many stories about people being sober for days/weeks/YEARS and then... RELAPSE. And in my head I was thinking once an alcoholic always an alcoholic and statistically I’ll probably relapse it was inevitable... I didn’t even know what “AV” was until I looked it up I think it was a week or 2 ago... so it was so easy for me to buy the cheap booze and blame it on my AV.
But I resisted drinking it, every time I opened the fridge I was a wee bit tempted but disgusted I had purchased it... now it’s gone and I have no desire to replace it.
Thanks to everyone who understands what I’m going through, it feels really good to know I am not alone or that my alcoholism made me some kind of rare monster like a serial killer might be... normal decent human beings can and do become alcoholics. I’m feeling confident though that my last drink weeks ago was my LAST.
Goodnight now must get sleep and sweet dreams to everyone.
I did go to hospital my insurance covers, drive was over 2 hours each way and spent about 5 hours there getting blood tests, CT scan and MRI... some kind of heart test forget what it’s called, hooked up to electrodes, walk around, checking my heart... at age 50 they say I’m as healthy as someone 20 years younger... so at least I can breathe a sigh of relief there.
All I could think about at the hospital is how horrible I felt about leaving my 2 pups home alone, they had never been alone more than an hour when I’d do grocery shopping, lately only did shopping when my husband was home, and they always seemed so sad to see me leave and so very happy when I returned... and that’s what’s keeping me going right now, what’s keeping me sober... my 2 sweet pups.
I did pour out the drinks and felt great to do so. I didn’t intend my post to sound like I felt better than others... I do have great compassion in me, especially to those who may be less fortunate... but when I posted I was in such a self-loathing mood and I felt bad about how at the convenience store I felt myself looking down on these total strangers, I think it was my AV just looking for a reason, any reason, to relapse. “I’m a mean bad alcoholic, so I should punish myself by drinking.. nobody would know or care if I drink this crappy stuff” that was my mindset at the time.
I think I was spending way too much time reading posts on SR... don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming SR for my feelings... but I was reading so many stories about people being sober for days/weeks/YEARS and then... RELAPSE. And in my head I was thinking once an alcoholic always an alcoholic and statistically I’ll probably relapse it was inevitable... I didn’t even know what “AV” was until I looked it up I think it was a week or 2 ago... so it was so easy for me to buy the cheap booze and blame it on my AV.
But I resisted drinking it, every time I opened the fridge I was a wee bit tempted but disgusted I had purchased it... now it’s gone and I have no desire to replace it.
Thanks to everyone who understands what I’m going through, it feels really good to know I am not alone or that my alcoholism made me some kind of rare monster like a serial killer might be... normal decent human beings can and do become alcoholics. I’m feeling confident though that my last drink weeks ago was my LAST.
Goodnight now must get sleep and sweet dreams to everyone.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
and statistically I’ll probably relapse it was inevitable...
hi Katzen,
i realize it was just a thought you had, or a feeling, of something likely predetermined, but i'm calling it out because i think it is important to challenge that kind of thinking.
may not be realistic in that moment, but later.
statistically, yes, many will relapse, and many will not.
this has nothing really to do with what you and i will do individually. the statistics are made up of folks all over the map with all outcomes....there is nothing INEVITABLE about you or me relapsing.
way to go on pouring the stuff down the drain!
hi Katzen,
i realize it was just a thought you had, or a feeling, of something likely predetermined, but i'm calling it out because i think it is important to challenge that kind of thinking.
may not be realistic in that moment, but later.
statistically, yes, many will relapse, and many will not.
this has nothing really to do with what you and i will do individually. the statistics are made up of folks all over the map with all outcomes....there is nothing INEVITABLE about you or me relapsing.
way to go on pouring the stuff down the drain!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 205
I am so glad you went to the hospital and got tested and you found out you are fine. So proud of you for throwing out the booze. I hope you never buy another drop of alcohol. You have a great sober streak going.
Just don't drink today.
Just don't drink today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Good job pouring it out! My alkie brain doesn’t want to waste alcohol. It’s more about the addiction than worry over waste I believe. I did the same thing once, and felt much the same way. I never was able to pour out booze, so I gave it away.
The difference between an alkie in a mansion and an alkie on the street ain’t nothing but a mortgage payment. I think you see that, and I’m glad you do.
My brother had a good job, nice home, travelled whenever he felt like it. Now he’s gone. His AV killed him. He never lost his home, never had a dui, never had an issue at work.
Being a “functional alcoholic” is a stage. Some of us find recovery before we progress, some of us don’t. Some of us die there. I don’t know why or how I found recovery and he didn’t.
I’m glad you are finding recovery. I hope you cling to it like the lifeline that it is.
The difference between an alkie in a mansion and an alkie on the street ain’t nothing but a mortgage payment. I think you see that, and I’m glad you do.
My brother had a good job, nice home, travelled whenever he felt like it. Now he’s gone. His AV killed him. He never lost his home, never had a dui, never had an issue at work.
Being a “functional alcoholic” is a stage. Some of us find recovery before we progress, some of us don’t. Some of us die there. I don’t know why or how I found recovery and he didn’t.
I’m glad you are finding recovery. I hope you cling to it like the lifeline that it is.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
My head and emotions were all over the place for a while when I stopped. It's like I had forgotten how to just 'be' and exist without booze. Thinking back it was the feeling of awakening from a vivid/bad dream. It seemed I had been in a 'blackout' binge all my life,which I hadn't been,but that's how I felt..It was a very strange feeling and I don't want to go there again,so I don't drink.
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