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YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:26 AM

Weird trigger
 
I am working half-days for the summer, so my mother is watching my daughter. I had a meeting so I was like an hour late to pick up my kid.

I go to her house and hang out a little bit while my daughter gets her stuff and my mother starts accusing me of being drunk. I swear to god, I have not had one single drink. I tell her I did not drink, and she tells me she knows me so well that she can tell I drank and that I am going to ruin my kid. I overheard her bitching to my dad as I walked out.

I. *******. swear. I. did. not. drink. But....now I want to. Like, **** you *****, I'll show you what drinking looks like...I am 100% sure when my husband gets home I am going to get a bottle just to spite her.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:29 AM

I also drank a tiny little bottle of champagne from 2004 that I got from a wedding as soon as I got home. Im obviously not drunk from that, but probably a bad move.

doggonecarl 06-12-2018 11:30 AM

Weird trigger...more like a poor excuse to drink, one your addiction would come up with. But drinking "at" someone solves nothing, and only pleases your AV.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:35 AM


Originally Posted by doggonecarl (Post 6924692)
Weird trigger...more like a poor excuse to drink, one your addiction would come up with. But drinking "at" someone solves nothing, and only pleases your AV.

I know. I literally stole her little champagne thing from 2004, which was like a memorabilia. But, I was so angry that she doesnt understand how hard it is for me to stop drinking, and she was accusing me when I didnt do it. It made me feel like all my effort was for nothing.

As I am starting to calm down, now I just feel guilty.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:37 AM

I just feel like spiraling.... I just want to give into it because I feel like ive already started the spiral, might as well finish it.

DreamCatcher17 06-12-2018 11:40 AM

Proving her RIGHT is going to do nothing but bring you down. Dont give her that satisfaction.

tomsteve 06-12-2018 11:43 AM


Originally Posted by YCDT2 (Post 6924689)
I. *******. swear. I. did. not. drink. But....now I want to. Like, **** you bitch, I'll show you what drinking looks like...I am 100% sure when my husband gets home I am going to get a bottle just to spite her.

drinking at her will only hurt you. it aint gonna do a dam thing to your mom.
your best option in situations like this is to not engage. dont even answer the question next time.
if you havent been drinking, then why let it bother you? who cares what ANYONE thinks.

any chance this used to be your reaction when you were drinking? have a little confrontation and run to the bottle?

edit: i see ya calmed down- good!
you could talk to your mother and apologize for your behavior maybe?

YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:43 AM


Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17 (Post 6924703)
Proving her RIGHT is going to do nothing but bring you down. Dont give her that satisfaction.

I know I have some in the house, but I havent had that yet. I texted my husband explaining what happened and I am almost waiting for his permission to let me get it.

I'm just so mad. I know I shouldnt run to alcohol when I am mad. But...I feel like I especially want it now that I was accused out of nowhere. I suppose because I was somewhat late.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:45 AM


Originally Posted by tomsteve (Post 6924706)
drinking at her will only hurt you. it aint gonna do a dam thing to your mom.
your best option in situations like this is to not engage. dont even answer the question next time.
if you havent been drinking, then why let it bother you? who cares what ANYONE thinks.

any chance this used to be your reaction when you were drinking? have a little confrontation and run to the bottle?

edit: i see ya calmed down- good!
you could talk to your mother and apologize for your behavior maybe?

I 100% wont apologize for something I did not do. Maybe I should not have taken her mini champagne thing, but whatever, she wont miss it.

tomsteve 06-12-2018 11:49 AM

i meant apologize for how you reacted

YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:49 AM

I also feel like, well now I ruined my sobriety, might as well go all out since I have to start back at day 1 anyway.

I know its not a good way to think. But, I suppose its what my AV is telling me in all my frustration.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 11:52 AM


Originally Posted by tomsteve (Post 6924713)
i meant apologize for how you reacted

I dont think I reacted all that bad in her presence. Other than taking her little bottle. My negative reaction is building now that I left, but I am trying to calm it.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 12:04 PM


Originally Posted by tomsteve (Post 6924713)
i meant apologize for how you reacted

Okay, disregard my previous post. I ended up calling her back and we talked and we both apologized. She apologized for accusing me and I apologized for getting so angry about it.

I started a whole thing with my husband though, who already isnt too fond of her....so now I have downplay the whole thing to him.

Stupid family drama is too much for alcoholics....

LadyBug66 06-12-2018 12:05 PM

please don't drink. you are doing so good. you will be so upset with yourself if you do and it will do nothing to get back at your mom. I understand the trigger. My husband is a big trigger for me and so many times I have just wanted to run to the store and get a bottle of wine to help numb the anxiety but the feeling passes and I'm glad I didn't drink.

DreamCatcher17 06-12-2018 12:08 PM


Originally Posted by YCDT2 (Post 6924708)
I know I have some in the house, but I havent had that yet. I texted my husband explaining what happened and I am almost waiting for his permission to let me get it.

I'm just so mad. I know I shouldn't run to alcohol when I am mad. But...I feel like I especially want it now that I was accused out of nowhere. I suppose because I was somewhat late.

We still have to PROVE to others in our lives we are sober and can remain sober. They do not just TRUST us right away. only time heals that.

D122y 06-12-2018 12:13 PM

Lady,

I have said the exact same thing...since I have to reset my clock...may as well do it up good. This guilt bearing rule is arguably a flaw in managing addiction.

This thought process, on top of other mental issues, may be why folks end up killing themselves when they slip. Food for thought.

I believe that such a small amount of booze equates to taking an aspirin or some cold medicine. There is no way that a little amount like that can do anything but...….cause a full blown relapse.

I won't let the "clock reset" rule or whatever cause me to do more damage to my mind, body, and life.

Stay clean.

Being a drunk is such a sad state.

Thanks.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 12:25 PM


Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17 (Post 6924733)
We still have to PROVE to others in our lives we are sober and can remain sober. They do not just TRUST us right away. only time heals that.

You are right. This is all new to me. I just feel so ****** right now. My first reaction was to get defensive because I feel like she doesnt understand how hard I am trying. But...she doesnt. Because she has never been an alcoholic. It's not her fault that she doesnt trust me.

YCDT2 06-12-2018 12:28 PM


Originally Posted by D122y (Post 6924740)
Lady,

I have said the exact same thing...since I have to reset my clock...may as well do it up good. This guilt bearing rule is arguably a flaw in managing addiction.

I believe that such a small amount of booze equates to taking an aspirin or some cold medicine. There is no way that a little amount like that can do anything but...….cause a full blown relapse.

I won't let the "clock reset" rule or whatever cause me to do more damage to my mind, body, and life.

Stay clean.

Being a drunk is such a sad state.

Thanks.

IDK I felt so great adding myself to the sobriety board, and now Im so sad that I am starting over. Over something so stupid. IDK why I cared so much. I didnt even get drunk, but it almost feels like I did....I feel like I poisoned myself and ruined everything.

tomsteve 06-12-2018 12:30 PM


Originally Posted by YCDT2 (Post 6924758)
It's not her fault that she doesnt trust me.

i had no reason for anyone to believe or trust me,too.
over time with the right actions to change me, that changed.
my niece goes so far as to trust me with her 4 year old son.
i dont trust him,though- hes constantly getting me in trouble!:lmao
i cant help it if he likes to play in mud- even if its a hole of mud made in the middle of the yard! :dee

Primativo 06-12-2018 12:33 PM


Originally Posted by YCDT2 (Post 6924762)
IDK I felt so great adding myself to the sobriety board, and now Im so sad that I am starting over. Over something so stupid. IDK why I cared so much. I didnt even get drunk, but it almost feels like I did....I feel like I poisoned myself and ruined everything.

Just put it down to a learning experience and move on. One little drink doesn't erase all the sober days you have had.


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