Determined to make today all about positive thoughts
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Determined to make today all about positive thoughts
This past weekend I took a good hard look at my life and how it’s likely to change since my husband left last month, and I became so full of self hatred and pity I came so very close to screwing up 5 weeks of sobriety.
But I made it through the weekend and I vowed today I won’t have any negative thoughts. I know I need to come to terms with how my life is going to change if we divorce but thinking about that makes me REALLY want to drink... and I wouldn’t even have to hide booze in the house anymore.. it would be so easy. But no... I owe it to myself, my kids and grandkids (who live 400+ miles away), and to my two sweet young dogs who give me uncondional love and I want to feel I’m deserving of it so I WILL NOT DRINK!
Amazon package arrived and yay I was happy... it was the outdoor dog bed I ordered for my pups so it’ll be cooler when they lay in the sun. Needed to assemble it, I’m good at that, but sometimes have a hard time getting the screws tight. And I couldn’t manage putting it together, the dang screws weren’t going in the holes and I started to get pissed and clumsier and usually I’d call my husband to help but he’s gone and I was so frustrated I literally screamed and broke down in tears! I have never flipped out like that before, scared the hell out of my dogs they ran to hide under the guest bed whimpering.
At that moment I sooo wished I had alcohol in the house to settle me down... store is 5 minutes away.... change my clothes and go... NO!
Washed my face, took deep breaths, composed myself, layed on the floor to apologize to my frightened dogs... they love me and forgave me, layed on the floor playing with them a while and told them I promise to stay sober for them.
Perhaps an hour later I went back to work on the dog bed and I did it! I put it together! Well, the dogs are both afraid of it, won’t even climb on it to get their treats, but hopefully they’ll learn to like it.
I’m feeling great right now, physically and emotionally. Finally getting much needed sleep and eating a good breakfast (at lunchtime) getting my caffeine fix (will work on that addiction later) taking a day blocking out negative thoughts and appreciating the positive things in my life... I can do this. I know drinking would make me feel good tonight, but the guilt the next day would be overwhelming and I’d be back at square one.
I know I can go another day sober, then another week, and doing so will make me feel much better about myself and help me be strong enough to finally handle life’s changes.
Thanks to all the kind, supportive, non judgemental people in these forums... coming hear and posting and reading others’ stories knowing I’m not alone in my struggles has helped me immensely!
But I made it through the weekend and I vowed today I won’t have any negative thoughts. I know I need to come to terms with how my life is going to change if we divorce but thinking about that makes me REALLY want to drink... and I wouldn’t even have to hide booze in the house anymore.. it would be so easy. But no... I owe it to myself, my kids and grandkids (who live 400+ miles away), and to my two sweet young dogs who give me uncondional love and I want to feel I’m deserving of it so I WILL NOT DRINK!
Amazon package arrived and yay I was happy... it was the outdoor dog bed I ordered for my pups so it’ll be cooler when they lay in the sun. Needed to assemble it, I’m good at that, but sometimes have a hard time getting the screws tight. And I couldn’t manage putting it together, the dang screws weren’t going in the holes and I started to get pissed and clumsier and usually I’d call my husband to help but he’s gone and I was so frustrated I literally screamed and broke down in tears! I have never flipped out like that before, scared the hell out of my dogs they ran to hide under the guest bed whimpering.
At that moment I sooo wished I had alcohol in the house to settle me down... store is 5 minutes away.... change my clothes and go... NO!
Washed my face, took deep breaths, composed myself, layed on the floor to apologize to my frightened dogs... they love me and forgave me, layed on the floor playing with them a while and told them I promise to stay sober for them.
Perhaps an hour later I went back to work on the dog bed and I did it! I put it together! Well, the dogs are both afraid of it, won’t even climb on it to get their treats, but hopefully they’ll learn to like it.
I’m feeling great right now, physically and emotionally. Finally getting much needed sleep and eating a good breakfast (at lunchtime) getting my caffeine fix (will work on that addiction later) taking a day blocking out negative thoughts and appreciating the positive things in my life... I can do this. I know drinking would make me feel good tonight, but the guilt the next day would be overwhelming and I’d be back at square one.
I know I can go another day sober, then another week, and doing so will make me feel much better about myself and help me be strong enough to finally handle life’s changes.
Thanks to all the kind, supportive, non judgemental people in these forums... coming hear and posting and reading others’ stories knowing I’m not alone in my struggles has helped me immensely!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Assembling flatpack furniture is one of those things sent to try recovering alcoholics! I swear. But I do remember trying to put stuff together when I was drinking, and it was a lot more complicated somehow...
As a single woman who has lived alone for a long time (~15 years), I long ago gave up feeling sorry for myself when I am the one who has to fix a plumbing leak, haul a box up the stairs, deal with all of life's crap ... alone. Now I just accept it as one of those things.
It's the price I pay for my sweet, hard-earned independence.
You are strong and smart and you will get through those moments. It is tempting to fall in a heap but when you find the strength again and again to get through, you will be proud of yourself when you get to the other side ... sober, of course.
As a single woman who has lived alone for a long time (~15 years), I long ago gave up feeling sorry for myself when I am the one who has to fix a plumbing leak, haul a box up the stairs, deal with all of life's crap ... alone. Now I just accept it as one of those things.
It's the price I pay for my sweet, hard-earned independence.
You are strong and smart and you will get through those moments. It is tempting to fall in a heap but when you find the strength again and again to get through, you will be proud of yourself when you get to the other side ... sober, of course.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by least 
My dogs and cats were, and still are, a huge part of my recovery. 
I'm glad you didn't drink.
I'm glad you didn't drink.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
Assembling flatpack furniture is one of those things sent to try recovering alcoholics! I swear. But I do remember trying to put stuff together when I was drinking, and it was a lot more complicated somehow...
As a single woman who has lived alone for a long time (~15 years), I long ago gave up feeling sorry for myself when I am the one who has to fix a plumbing leak, haul a box up the stairs, deal with all of life's crap ... alone. Now I just accept it as one of those things.
It's the price I pay for my sweet, hard-earned independence.
You are strong and smart and you will get through those moments. It is tempting to fall in a heap but when you find the strength again and again to get through, you will be proud of yourself when you get to the other side ... sober, of course.
As a single woman who has lived alone for a long time (~15 years), I long ago gave up feeling sorry for myself when I am the one who has to fix a plumbing leak, haul a box up the stairs, deal with all of life's crap ... alone. Now I just accept it as one of those things.
It's the price I pay for my sweet, hard-earned independence.
You are strong and smart and you will get through those moments. It is tempting to fall in a heap but when you find the strength again and again to get through, you will be proud of yourself when you get to the other side ... sober, of course.
Thanks for the kind words, you and others in SR make me feel I CAN do this, I can look forward to this new life... this new SOBER life.
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