Just found this forum and introducing myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 1
Just found this forum and introducing myself
Hi everyone -
I'm new to this site. I wish I had found it a little sooner as you all seem to be super supportive of each other which is so awesome. According to my sobriety calendar, I have 31 months under my belt today. It hasn't been an easy road but I do want to say to anyone out there who needs to hear it, it gets easier. And life gets SO much better. I do still struggle from time to time but I know that drinking will never be the answer for me again.
I was kind of forced into recovery but I fear for what would have happened to me if I wasn't. I was always a heavy social drinker but about four years before I went to rehab, I started drinking A LOT. I was waking up in the morning with anxiety so what better way to relieve it than a few shots of vodka, right? Very quickly, I was drinking all day, powering through just about a liter of vodka a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. Regardless, it was too much. But I was in WAY too deep to get out of it. I tried several times to stop but the anxiety and the uncontrollable shaking were too much to bear so I would hit the bottle again to relieve my symptoms. Important note: I was never drunk - this had just become my new normal. I needed that amount of alcohol in my body to make it through the day. NOBODY knew I was drinking. Not my husband, my family, my colleagues or my friends.
31 months ago, I took a weekend trip with a friend who doesn't really drink and after finishing the bottle I brought in my suitcase, I woke up to realize I couldn't get any alcohol until I got to the airport for my trip home. I was shaking and anxious but I also had a really uneasy feeling in the back of my head. It got worse over the course of the morning and long story short, as I was trying to remain calm and talk my friend into buying me a double shot of vodka for breakfast in a restaurant, I started seizing. I remember some of it but not much after I hit the floor. Apparently it happened several more times on the way to the hospital. My friend is in the medical field and just recently told me that several times until I was stabilized, she didn't think I was going to pull through. It makes me shudder to think of how close I came to hitting my final bottom. I detoxed in the hospital for three days, my alarmed, blind-sided parents by my bedside. When I flew home, my husband was waiting with a suitcase and he drove me directly to rehab (this had all been set up before I got home and I knew I was going).
Without rambling more than I already have, I never thought I'd make it through thirty days in rehab. But I did. I never thought I'd make it through my first panic attack. Or my first craving. Or dinner in a restaurant. Or getting pissed off at something or someone. Or going to a concert. Or hanging out with my friends who are not sober. Or being at the beach. Or taking a vacation. Or talking on the phone. Or going to a party. Or (gasp) going to a wedding. Or passing the hundreds of bars that line the streets of NYC. Or New Year's Eve. Or my 40th birthday. I could go on forever. But the bottom line is, I made it through every single one of those events. SOBER. And I'm here to tell the tale and for once in my adult life, I can recall every detail that happened at each of those events.
It gets better. There is SO much more out there than alcohol. It used to be the center of my world. My entire existence was buying, plotting to buy, finding different liquor stores so as not to be recognized, finding hiding places for my bottles, filling up water bottles with vodka, etc. I look back now and realize how much of my life I was wasting on something that was essentially going to kill me.
Anyway, reading through all of your posts, I felt the need to share my story. Even if it can help just one person get through one more day
I'm new to this site. I wish I had found it a little sooner as you all seem to be super supportive of each other which is so awesome. According to my sobriety calendar, I have 31 months under my belt today. It hasn't been an easy road but I do want to say to anyone out there who needs to hear it, it gets easier. And life gets SO much better. I do still struggle from time to time but I know that drinking will never be the answer for me again.
I was kind of forced into recovery but I fear for what would have happened to me if I wasn't. I was always a heavy social drinker but about four years before I went to rehab, I started drinking A LOT. I was waking up in the morning with anxiety so what better way to relieve it than a few shots of vodka, right? Very quickly, I was drinking all day, powering through just about a liter of vodka a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. Regardless, it was too much. But I was in WAY too deep to get out of it. I tried several times to stop but the anxiety and the uncontrollable shaking were too much to bear so I would hit the bottle again to relieve my symptoms. Important note: I was never drunk - this had just become my new normal. I needed that amount of alcohol in my body to make it through the day. NOBODY knew I was drinking. Not my husband, my family, my colleagues or my friends.
31 months ago, I took a weekend trip with a friend who doesn't really drink and after finishing the bottle I brought in my suitcase, I woke up to realize I couldn't get any alcohol until I got to the airport for my trip home. I was shaking and anxious but I also had a really uneasy feeling in the back of my head. It got worse over the course of the morning and long story short, as I was trying to remain calm and talk my friend into buying me a double shot of vodka for breakfast in a restaurant, I started seizing. I remember some of it but not much after I hit the floor. Apparently it happened several more times on the way to the hospital. My friend is in the medical field and just recently told me that several times until I was stabilized, she didn't think I was going to pull through. It makes me shudder to think of how close I came to hitting my final bottom. I detoxed in the hospital for three days, my alarmed, blind-sided parents by my bedside. When I flew home, my husband was waiting with a suitcase and he drove me directly to rehab (this had all been set up before I got home and I knew I was going).
Without rambling more than I already have, I never thought I'd make it through thirty days in rehab. But I did. I never thought I'd make it through my first panic attack. Or my first craving. Or dinner in a restaurant. Or getting pissed off at something or someone. Or going to a concert. Or hanging out with my friends who are not sober. Or being at the beach. Or taking a vacation. Or talking on the phone. Or going to a party. Or (gasp) going to a wedding. Or passing the hundreds of bars that line the streets of NYC. Or New Year's Eve. Or my 40th birthday. I could go on forever. But the bottom line is, I made it through every single one of those events. SOBER. And I'm here to tell the tale and for once in my adult life, I can recall every detail that happened at each of those events.
It gets better. There is SO much more out there than alcohol. It used to be the center of my world. My entire existence was buying, plotting to buy, finding different liquor stores so as not to be recognized, finding hiding places for my bottles, filling up water bottles with vodka, etc. I look back now and realize how much of my life I was wasting on something that was essentially going to kill me.
Anyway, reading through all of your posts, I felt the need to share my story. Even if it can help just one person get through one more day
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Hillsboro Oregon
Posts: 154
You have come to the right place for help and encouragement. I am only 33 days sober, longest amount of time since 1996. This place has helped me get past the cravings and reading other's stories, it has encouraged me to be patient with myself. I have seen the improvements already and am thankful for that. Post often, I think you will be able to help others with your story.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
I would also like to thank you for posting, your story sounds exactly like mine with the physical addiction, hiding booze, even my husband was shocked when I told him how much I used to drink, that’s why I’d go to the bathroom every half hour, to pee because I drank so much plus I had vodka or wine hidden in the towel cabinet and would sneak another swig or two or three.
Your story could have been written by me, though I was fortunate I never had seizures when I quit drinking daily, never went to rehab though was prescribed Librium twice that I stopped taken due to side effects made me feel drunker than I ever did when drinking.
Struggling today to not go buy alcohol even though my husband left me and I would no longer have to hide it. Reading other people’s stories helps me know I’m not the only one who ended up addicted to alcohol... I can... make that I WILL get through this, I WILL stay sober.
Your story could have been written by me, though I was fortunate I never had seizures when I quit drinking daily, never went to rehab though was prescribed Librium twice that I stopped taken due to side effects made me feel drunker than I ever did when drinking.
Struggling today to not go buy alcohol even though my husband left me and I would no longer have to hide it. Reading other people’s stories helps me know I’m not the only one who ended up addicted to alcohol... I can... make that I WILL get through this, I WILL stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Originally Posted by hd1115 
Without rambling more than I already have, I never thought I'd make it through thirty days in rehab. But I did. I never thought I'd make it through my first panic attack. Or my first craving. Or dinner in a restaurant. Or getting pissed off at something or someone. Or going to a concert. Or hanging out with my friends who are not sober. Or being at the beach. Or taking a vacation. Or talking on the phone. Or going to a party. Or (gasp) going to a wedding. Or passing the hundreds of bars that line the streets of NYC. Or New Year's Eve. Or my 40th birthday. I could go on forever. But the bottom line is, I made it through every single one of those events. SOBER. And I'm here to tell the tale and for once in my adult life, I can recall every detail that happened at each of those events.
Then came the day I could not deny I too was an alcoholic, and so I found myself reaching grim-faced for the sober side of life, not just a new arrival but fighting to remain in sobriety, and in time I came to realise, oh my God, it is true, it IS better here.
Sober life is life as it was meant to be lived.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Yes. Awesome post! Hope you will stick around. You might also consider posting your story under Storiee of Recovery board. And whether you do that or not can’t wait to hear more about making it through beach trips and vacations without booze. That’s what’s on my mind right now because that’s what we’re doing in about a month. Anyhow just thank you!
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