rayna87

I reached out here for the first time last night, and the responses I got were incredible. I knew i had hit my wall, and i was ready to do something about it. I just have to deal with a massive Work problem tomorrow that is entirely my fault, and I don’t know how to do it without my wine. So I drank my usual amount today/tonight, and then some, and I still want to keep going so I can black out and not be up all night wondering how badly I’m going to find out I screwed up tomorrow. I just need my crutch for one or two more days. After my work issue passes, I can focus on this. I already have a strategy planned to help me do better at work. I just need to not open that next bottle of wine.

lessgravity

The work, bad or good, will be there. How will you'll be able to deal will be the variable you can control.

Drink some water and get to bed.

fini

yeah, i understand. been there done that.
horrid place when the crutch is the destroyer and we keep being convinced it's actually propping us up.

rayna87

Doing exactly that. Thank you.

lessgravity

Beautiful work. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. You'll be glad you did in the morning.

AtomicBlue

I second fini. The booze will betray you in the end.

Katzen

I hope you didn’t give in a have a great night’s sleep. I really wish I could sleep right now... I’ll probably be up craving alcohol tonight until 2 am, no alcohol sales after that until 4 am so even with the worst cravings I say I can sleep for at least 2 hours and fortunately that often turns into 6 or 8 hours. I get insomnia when I get cravings and don’t want to start to take sleeping pills because I’m afraid I’ll forget if I already took one and take another and maybe accidentally OD.

Fingers crossed you can stay sober starting tomorrow, oh and I hope to stay sober tomorrow too taking it one day at a time.

rayna87

I didn’t give in to a third bottle of wine but I am still in no way sober. Not giving in to the third is the saddest victory I can give myself at the moment. I can’t not have my crutch until at least the end of the week, when my work mess-up passes with hopefully the least amount of damage. I’ve actually not remembered if I’ve taken my melatonin or not before too, and taken 2 as a result, so I TOTALLY understand that. I also will be up too tonight, I’m sure, so there with you on that too. We can do this though.

Forward12

"I'm just going to drink this one last time" is all AV talk. Quitting "tomorrow" likely will never happen.
Dump what you have and make "tomorrow" now. Getting wasted and walking into work smelling like a winery sure isn't going to help anything.

Katzen

Anyone who can dump a full bottle of wine is much stronger than I was... I always felt like I had to have some hidden away, it was like a security blanket for me knowing even if I got too drunk to drive I’d be okay if I needed to keep away physical withdrawals. And I’d often find myself drinking two bottles of wine on Friday nights even though I promised myself to make it last Saturday through Monday my husband has off work so weekends I’d have to make an excuse to my husband I needed to go to the store so I can buy more for my secret stash.

Only way I’m managing staying sober today is no booze in the house... I refuse to allow myself to go to the store of even leave the house... I WILL NOT BUY MORE.

Dee74

Hey Rayna - its difficult to change the way we deal with things but not impossible.

Drinking never mad anything better in the long run and frequently made things worse.

I decided I needed to take the option of drinking off the table...it meant I had to face a lot of discomfort and fear - but I grew a lot too

And you're not alone - support 24/.7 here.

If your only tool is booze, get some new tools

D