Weekender 7-11 June2018
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Hi again everyone.
MB - I am down for 30 days but can make a decision the week before the end of the month on if I want to do 60. This is good as I can just concentrate on the immediate stuff.
Venus - the Food is absoutely fantastic, all organic fresh and really tasty
Today's itenery was meditation first thing then gratitude, then breakfast and a 30 minute break and a 2 hour group session, break for lunch and then a mindfullness session, we then popped out to Monkey Hill where there are hundreds of monkeys running around an old temple, some of them chased you and snatch your stuff off you!!, and then an NA meeting where someone shared their story which was pretty powerful stuff.
I am struggling with it all to be honest, I have gone right into my shell, can't really speak and are paranoid. I have had to speak in front of a group of people (at least 15 people) multiple times today, this makes me sick to my stomach and most of the sessions I have spent shaking with fear of when the next time I am put on the spot is going to be. I just don't know what to say. Just typing this out now has made me cry when all day I have felt nothing other than fear, my fight or flight instinct is well and truly switched on the flight mode. I knew I had low self esteem and confidence but hear it is magnified and I just want to cry and hide away. I am purposely sat outside in the designated area where you can use your phone or computer so at least I am not shutting myself in my room. Everyone else is sat round the other side laughing and joking and all seem to know what to say, come up with the right phrases about recovery etc and I feel so inadqequate.
I am going to have a darn good cry tonight and hope that this feeling passes or is just something normal that people go through.
Take care everyone and be good xx
MB - I am down for 30 days but can make a decision the week before the end of the month on if I want to do 60. This is good as I can just concentrate on the immediate stuff.
Venus - the Food is absoutely fantastic, all organic fresh and really tasty
Today's itenery was meditation first thing then gratitude, then breakfast and a 30 minute break and a 2 hour group session, break for lunch and then a mindfullness session, we then popped out to Monkey Hill where there are hundreds of monkeys running around an old temple, some of them chased you and snatch your stuff off you!!, and then an NA meeting where someone shared their story which was pretty powerful stuff.
I am struggling with it all to be honest, I have gone right into my shell, can't really speak and are paranoid. I have had to speak in front of a group of people (at least 15 people) multiple times today, this makes me sick to my stomach and most of the sessions I have spent shaking with fear of when the next time I am put on the spot is going to be. I just don't know what to say. Just typing this out now has made me cry when all day I have felt nothing other than fear, my fight or flight instinct is well and truly switched on the flight mode. I knew I had low self esteem and confidence but hear it is magnified and I just want to cry and hide away. I am purposely sat outside in the designated area where you can use your phone or computer so at least I am not shutting myself in my room. Everyone else is sat round the other side laughing and joking and all seem to know what to say, come up with the right phrases about recovery etc and I feel so inadqequate.
I am going to have a darn good cry tonight and hope that this feeling passes or is just something normal that people go through.
Take care everyone and be good xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,493
Oh love, I am so sorry this is so hard for you.....but gosh, you are doing it anyway....facing the uncomfortability of it because this is SO important to you.... 
It's a very big schedule, sounds pretty tiring, and even though there is lots of laughter, I am betting you are not the only one who is having some strong emotions love. There are lots of tears in rehab....
Is there a counsellor you can talk to? It might be a good idea to let someone know how anxious you are feeling.....I would imagine there is a doctor there too, or close by....
It's going to be OK. ♥♥♥
It's a very big schedule, sounds pretty tiring, and even though there is lots of laughter, I am betting you are not the only one who is having some strong emotions love. There are lots of tears in rehab....
Is there a counsellor you can talk to? It might be a good idea to let someone know how anxious you are feeling.....I would imagine there is a doctor there too, or close by....
It's going to be OK.
♥♥♥
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,201
MantaLady, did everyone in the group start at the same time as you? It might be that they do this in the begining in order to get a sense of what your drivers or triggers are. I would give it a couple of days and if they continue to ask you to speak in front of numbers of people and you are still uncomfortable then let them know. Knowing what to say and "coming up with the right phrases about recovery" might mean they are repeat rehab'ers. It does not mean they are more likely to succeed than you. I'm glad it seems OK otherwise
I had booked a few days off of work (to go to Le Mans for the 24hour motor race) I had a couple of awkward phonecalls with my boss to get them counted as sick days, he has agreed to do so but given me some research to do at home (he'll be lucky, the World Cup starts tomorrow)
I had booked a few days off of work (to go to Le Mans for the 24hour motor race) I had a couple of awkward phonecalls with my boss to get them counted as sick days, he has agreed to do so but given me some research to do at home (he'll be lucky, the World Cup starts tomorrow)
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
One thing that I found helps: when you’re up there in a panic and you start stuttering, go ahead and blurt out, “I’m so nervous!”
People really do feel your pain, and they’ll jump to reassure you and not judge.
People really do feel your pain, and they’ll jump to reassure you and not judge.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, I may be chatter-y on here but at real life AA meetings I was absolutely not interested in "sharing." I'm a fairly private person in real life, I don't share intimate things and AA meetings seemed like over-share city to me. There are a lot of people who keep going for years so I'm sure the rehabs are the same in that many people have been to lots of meetings and rehabs trying to get well.
Fear. It is a liar.
We're all hugging you from afar, Manta.
You too, Sao, get well.
Fear. It is a liar.
We're all hugging you from afar, Manta.
You too, Sao, get well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,899
Manta ~ I hide in my shell a lot too (when sober, lol) but it takes me forever to open up to others. You aren't alone. You are there and doing the work which is fantastic....and the Monkey Hill experience sounds WAY too cool! 
We're all here with you!
We're all here with you!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, weekenders.
I had an extremely boring day at work.
Glad I am back home.
Manta - I think it's natural to go through an initial period of adaptation when joining a new community, let alone a recovering group of people.
As for "everyone seems to know what to say about recovery and they are laughing, and so on".
Hmmm.
Recovery is a process of discovery and re-discovery. You can't possibly know the answer. You are daring into new territory and explore. And FIND the answers.
You are not there to practice your socializing or team-building skills. You are there to recover your life and find YOUR OWN path, even though it would mean that you'll be sitting along for 30 days and listening.
Part of the pain which is responsible for pushing us to drink or drug comes from crippling ourselves to fit the expected standards of "right" things to do.
Give yourself time to unfold naturally, on your own terms, in your own time. When you don't feel forced. When you feel inner PULL to share and connect vs. external PUSH.
And we are here anytime.
I had an extremely boring day at work.
Glad I am back home.
Manta - I think it's natural to go through an initial period of adaptation when joining a new community, let alone a recovering group of people.
As for "everyone seems to know what to say about recovery and they are laughing, and so on".
Hmmm.
Recovery is a process of discovery and re-discovery. You can't possibly know the answer. You are daring into new territory and explore. And FIND the answers.
You are not there to practice your socializing or team-building skills. You are there to recover your life and find YOUR OWN path, even though it would mean that you'll be sitting along for 30 days and listening.
Part of the pain which is responsible for pushing us to drink or drug comes from crippling ourselves to fit the expected standards of "right" things to do.
Give yourself time to unfold naturally, on your own terms, in your own time. When you don't feel forced. When you feel inner PULL to share and connect vs. external PUSH.
And we are here anytime.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Originally Posted by trachemys 
So, when you're in the ring, do you struggle with why you're there?
No. Not when I am in the ring.
Rather when I am at home and thinking "What am I doing this for?"
It's like two different realities for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,493
Don't look at me.... 
bim those photos are beyond gorgeous....wow....I love where you live.
And yeah Gilmer, you are about the least shallow person I have ever known...
And Midnight honey, I just love it when you talk more...we work this stuff out together, and by getting it down on paper (so to speak). I wonder if there is a way for you to combine boxing and writing....I was reading an article yesterday by a female sports writer....I loved her take. Which is why I checked the byline....these days there is the whole wide web....maybe just waiting for Midnight Madness....a sports blog by our very own girl.
Oh....guess what? The Rabbi I mentioned, the friend from 40 years ago? He called me....we talked for an hour yesterday. It was just wonderful.
bim those photos are beyond gorgeous....wow....I love where you live.
And yeah Gilmer, you are about the least shallow person I have ever known...
And Midnight honey, I just love it when you talk more...we work this stuff out together, and by getting it down on paper (so to speak). I wonder if there is a way for you to combine boxing and writing....I was reading an article yesterday by a female sports writer....I loved her take. Which is why I checked the byline....these days there is the whole wide web....maybe just waiting for Midnight Madness....a sports blog by our very own girl.
Oh....guess what? The Rabbi I mentioned, the friend from 40 years ago? He called me....we talked for an hour yesterday. It was just wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Ah, so it's for exclusive club members only)
Thank you Venus)
Thank you Venus)
You're in my club. I just don't send out friend requests, I know where to find you.
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