Weekender 7-11 June2018
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Morning, weekenders.
Thank you for the words of support.
I don't think though that it's a funk, more like a lingering life crisis which I cant' postpone dealing with any longer.
I can't deny any more that I feel miserable most of the time.
Change is a natural thing, and it's definitely time for a change for me.
Different stages of life require different actions.
There are times for tiny gradual steps ahead, there are times for u-turn changes.
Vinny - Honestly I am not doing good at all. I feel as lost as it gets.
Dee - Thank you for asking. And I honestly don't know...
My note to all the weekenders and SR newcomers: what I am dealing with right now is called LIFE.
It is unpredictable, doesn't follow a cookie-cutter happiness formula, doesn't guarantee a certain outcome and is more weird and strange as any possible fiction.
As far as I am sober I am experiencing it, make a choice, ride a roller coaster of emotions and accept my part of this crazy dance with life. When I make another step through fear I get to know a new unknown part of myself.
Sober doesn't necessarily mean Tony Robbins-style all-around positivity or seeing a "grace of god" in everything.
Sober means acknowledging both darkness and light and understanding neither of this is "right" or "wrong".
Above all, it means that I still own my life, no matter how imperfect.
Thank you for the words of support.
I don't think though that it's a funk, more like a lingering life crisis which I cant' postpone dealing with any longer.
I can't deny any more that I feel miserable most of the time.
Change is a natural thing, and it's definitely time for a change for me.
Different stages of life require different actions.
There are times for tiny gradual steps ahead, there are times for u-turn changes.
Vinny - Honestly I am not doing good at all. I feel as lost as it gets.
Dee - Thank you for asking. And I honestly don't know...
My note to all the weekenders and SR newcomers: what I am dealing with right now is called LIFE.
It is unpredictable, doesn't follow a cookie-cutter happiness formula, doesn't guarantee a certain outcome and is more weird and strange as any possible fiction.
As far as I am sober I am experiencing it, make a choice, ride a roller coaster of emotions and accept my part of this crazy dance with life. When I make another step through fear I get to know a new unknown part of myself.
Sober doesn't necessarily mean Tony Robbins-style all-around positivity or seeing a "grace of god" in everything.
Sober means acknowledging both darkness and light and understanding neither of this is "right" or "wrong".
Above all, it means that I still own my life, no matter how imperfect.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Im glad you posted MB.
I saw you connected early this morning and was waiting for your daily hola...
I hope you find your path and make those changes that need to be made.
The only thing I can say is (i think) when we face things sober and not running away it can only make us more whole.
I saw you connected early this morning and was waiting for your daily hola...
I hope you find your path and make those changes that need to be made.
The only thing I can say is (i think) when we face things sober and not running away it can only make us more whole.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
MB, I hope you realize that no matter how lost, despairing, or pointless you feel your life is—you really exude excellence and true loyalty and staunchness of spirit.
Even if you wonder now if you’re really on the wrong track, there is a positive personal “footprint” you leave with us (and no, I’m not talking about a Tony Robbins kind of thing!
).
You may feel adrift, but in very important ways I see you as SOLID, reason and personality-wise.
Maybe it’s small comfort to know others’ perceptions and feelings of you when you feel the need to take real action—but anyway, at least you know that we don’t in any way see you as some idiot or buttmunch!
Even if you wonder now if you’re really on the wrong track, there is a positive personal “footprint” you leave with us (and no, I’m not talking about a Tony Robbins kind of thing!
).You may feel adrift, but in very important ways I see you as SOLID, reason and personality-wise.
Maybe it’s small comfort to know others’ perceptions and feelings of you when you feel the need to take real action—but anyway, at least you know that we don’t in any way see you as some idiot or buttmunch!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Thank you, friends, for taking time to write so thoughtful and heart-warming answers.
I do appreciate it.
Gilmer - To be totally honest I do not realize any of this. To my own perception I exude self-consciousness and inadequacy and wear it branded on my forehead so that everyone sees a victim on me.
And if I let this feeling roll, it consumes and absolutely dehabilitates me.
And the stupidest thing can throw me off-balance, like this electricity bill which I still can't settle because no one can give me a clear answer. And I am still dreading looking into my mailbox every day because I can find another court notice any day.
And I feel like a fraud because a truly confident person "should" eat those issues for breakfast.
I do appreciate it.
Gilmer - To be totally honest I do not realize any of this. To my own perception I exude self-consciousness and inadequacy and wear it branded on my forehead so that everyone sees a victim on me.
And if I let this feeling roll, it consumes and absolutely dehabilitates me.
And the stupidest thing can throw me off-balance, like this electricity bill which I still can't settle because no one can give me a clear answer. And I am still dreading looking into my mailbox every day because I can find another court notice any day.
And I feel like a fraud because a truly confident person "should" eat those issues for breakfast.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,375
Gilmer is incredibly wise. And kind and pretty much always right....just saying.
(And I live so close to her and need to get my butt down there)...
Midnight honey ~ we have had a strong bond for a long time now.....I was feeling you so strongly just now and saw you were posting.....no idea what the point of that is except that I understand.
Who exactly are these truly confident people who eat their worries for breakfast? Hmmm. I don't think it's about that honey....I think it's just a matter of saying I will take action here. You have no idea what stupid stuff you have to wade through to sort out the bill, but that's because people are incompetent sometimes.....and then it's a mess to fix...and it's a big pain.....and that's not your fault.....as long as we are taking action, it is empowering I think.
And it's not your court notice.
Cos you didn't do anything wrong....
It has taken me a long time to stop looking over my shoulder wondering when I am going to get caught for the sins of my past. I was keeping myself in a prison that didn't need to exist.
You are so special. And you feel deeply and you want more......what's wrong with that? These are all wonderful qualities. ♥
(And I live so close to her and need to get my butt down there)...
Midnight honey ~ we have had a strong bond for a long time now.....I was feeling you so strongly just now and saw you were posting.....no idea what the point of that is except that I understand.
Who exactly are these truly confident people who eat their worries for breakfast? Hmmm. I don't think it's about that honey....I think it's just a matter of saying I will take action here. You have no idea what stupid stuff you have to wade through to sort out the bill, but that's because people are incompetent sometimes.....and then it's a mess to fix...and it's a big pain.....and that's not your fault.....as long as we are taking action, it is empowering I think.
And it's not your court notice.
Cos you didn't do anything wrong....
It has taken me a long time to stop looking over my shoulder wondering when I am going to get caught for the sins of my past. I was keeping myself in a prison that didn't need to exist.
You are so special. And you feel deeply and you want more......what's wrong with that? These are all wonderful qualities. ♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,375
yeah but almost died in American is not the same as in Australian.....
(Think of all our phone calls where I thought I was speaking perfectly clear English, and you would say stuff like, I'm sorry, can you please say that again, I have no idea what you said....he he he).
(Think of all our phone calls where I thought I was speaking perfectly clear English, and you would say stuff like, I'm sorry, can you please say that again, I have no idea what you said....he he he).
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Wow, Venus.
That is exactly how I feel.
Thank you, my friend.
"It has taken me a long time to stop looking over my shoulder wondering when I am going to get caught for the sins of my past. I was keeping myself in a prison that didn't need to exist."
Gilmer - I am glad you are ok!
Who are those people who eat issues for breakfast?
I don't know...Donald Trump?
Maybe, Elon Musk....
That is exactly how I feel.
Thank you, my friend.
"It has taken me a long time to stop looking over my shoulder wondering when I am going to get caught for the sins of my past. I was keeping myself in a prison that didn't need to exist."
Gilmer - I am glad you are ok!
Who are those people who eat issues for breakfast?
I don't know...Donald Trump?
Maybe, Elon Musk....
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Originally Posted by Gilmer 
No. That’s why I edited “I almost rear-ended someone” to “I almost bumped someone.”
So there would be no confusion that I was actually hurt.
So there would be no confusion that I was actually hurt.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
