Secrets
 

Day 3 here feeling good, been reading a lot of posts on here and feeling positive.
Question
Did anyone ever write down everything all the secrets all the things you went through. Did that help? Would this be something good to do with my therapist?

I did a fourth step with my sponsor a couple of times.....its an AA thing. If I were to ever do it again I would definitely do it with a counselor. I think especially for those of us who have had significant traumas...a counselor or spiritual leader is better equipped to handle any fallout from the airing of dirty laundry. That's just my opinion.

Lori,

I got sober through Alcoholics Anonymous. Before I started attending AA meetings, I did write down things I had done while drinking, shameful and embarrassing. When I got a sponsor in AA who could take me through the Big Book and the steps, she wouldn't let me take that step - which is called the 4th step in the program - until I was ready. I had to do the steps in order, steps 1, 2, 3, and then 4. To this day, I thank God I didn't have to look at all that stuff all at once. What I discovered was I wasn't a bad person, I was a sick person suffering from a disease called alcoholism, and that I could get well, I didn't have to drink over those secrets anymore, and if I didn't drink, I wouldn't be doing those things anymore. It's worked for me now for 20 years. And alcoholism does thrive in secrecy.

I ‘fourth stepped’ and fifth stepped in a combination of ways over the course of time.... I did write down ‘secrets’ and then burning them in a fire of letting go....

Writing down resentments and shame and the associated things I did, sharing some with fellow alcoholics, dealing with some through counseling, bringing some to my version of higher power and asking forgiveness.

Some things I wrote down or spoke aloud to the forest and said things like ‘that was then, this is ME I am not my past, I give myself permission to be free of those actions and words that do not honor who I am....

Sometimes I simply shared in a meeting.

Sometimes I told a friend.

Sometimes I apologized and made amends.

Over time, I made my way - in my own way - through the steps and through a process of lettting my secrets out and gaining freedom and forgiveness.

It’s been a crucial part of my sobriety

I have written things during many drunken stupors-I stored those away and cringe when I read them (notes written on various pieces of paper). Eventually I will throw them away.
I've written during withdrawals to remind me how I felt so I wouldn't do it again ( um...tried to make that work).

As to tell your therapist-never been. How comfortable r you with this person? It really depends on you and your relationship with him/her. Maybe start off slowly and see how it feels for you.

Remember this is your journey-you are in charge. Good luck.

I have finally been able to open up to my counselor about secrets, bad memories, repressed memories, and all that fun stuff. It started slow, very slow. But that's how you build confidence and trust. Unfortunately, once I started it opened up some doors I didn't realize were there and yet it wasn't as bad really. Like letting pressure out of flood gates or something. There's more back there but it's getting less difficult.

I cannot understate the healing power of just getting things out of your head and starting to let go. Nothing happens overnight but things feel better very quickly. It's like your universe knows your keeping this heavy stuff bottled up and rewards you for letting it out.

It really helps to remind yourself that EVERYONE has secrets and EVERYONE has things they regret in their past. You are absolutely not the only one.

Another AAer here who did a thorough 4th and 5th with a sponsor.