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Old 06-05-2018, 02:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi I'm new here, I'm an alcoholic and on my second day sober. I'm 63 and have a long and painful relationship with boze. I went into a rehab in 2009 and stayed sober for nearly 5 years. I didn't do anything for my recovery and sot was inevitable that I would start to think that I could now drink and stay in control. Well 3 years later and I'm in a mess. I drink secretly every night when I go to bed and drink gin and a little soda until I fall asleep. It's a lot of gin in about one hour. I also drink when out with friends but can keep it in control then because, of my secret stash at home. I feel really unwell and alone that's, why I'm here. I have got so used to alcohol getting me to sleep and that's one of the biggest problems when trying to stop. Also a little voice in my head keeps saying where will you get your enjoyment and relaxation from if you give up booze. It's like I'm two people one wanting to break the chains that alcohol has me in. Then the other me thinking its a Terrible idea that I enjoy it! I guess that's addiction. Well I have managed one night sober before but this time I'm determined to make it through a second night. Thanks Gillygem
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Old 06-05-2018, 02:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome aboard Gillygem - you'll find a lot of support here

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Old 06-05-2018, 02:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 06-05-2018, 03:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR.
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Old 06-06-2018, 12:28 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Secret drinker failure

So I did one day. Day 2 was a day of trying to keep the addicted voice quiet. I went to choir practice as usual and never thought about alcohol while there but, on the way home it hit me, the voice! You see, my husband gets up very early for work, so I get in from choir practice really high and happy. I get home and have to go to bed and try to get my mind to get into sleepy mode. I know I could meditate and that was my intention. I had kept, just a small amount of gin in my wardrobe, I thought it would stop that panicky feeling of having no alcohol in the house. So it's back to day1 and am having to fight the urge to go to the shop to get more alcohol. In the morning I always feel it's going to be easy to not drink but come bedtime and the panic begins. Thanks for reading, I feel a hopeless case.
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Old 06-06-2018, 03:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Gilly - you're really not a hopeless case. I can't think that there's many here that have initially failed to chuck out that leftover booze "just in case". Please don't buy anymore though as when that panic comes you will, in all probability, succumb again. Instead of panic-ing, please post here on SR and if it's going through an unusual quiet time there are still heaps of inspirational threads and stories here to shore you up and help with your resolve. We're with you all the way Gilly - much love Yix x
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Old 06-06-2018, 04:38 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Gillygem View Post
Hi I'm new here, I'm an alcoholic and on my second day sober. I'm 63 and have a long and painful relationship with boze. I went into a rehab in 2009 and stayed sober for nearly 5 years. I didn't do anything for my recovery and sot was inevitable that I would start to think that I could now drink and stay in control. Well 3 years later and I'm in a mess. I drink secretly every night when I go to bed and drink gin and a little soda until I fall asleep. It's a lot of gin in about one hour. I also drink when out with friends but can keep it in control then because, of my secret stash at home. I feel really unwell and alone that's, why I'm here. I have got so used to alcohol getting me to sleep and that's one of the biggest problems when trying to stop. Also a little voice in my head keeps saying where will you get your enjoyment and relaxation from if you give up booze. It's like I'm two people one wanting to break the chains that alcohol has me in. Then the other me thinking its a Terrible idea that I enjoy it! I guess that's addiction. Well I have managed one night sober before but this time I'm determined to make it through a second night. Thanks Gillygem
I completely understand, but once that alcoholic mind and voice starts shouting at you, you have to remember the shameful actions that came with drinking; The hopelessness, despair. The alcoholic mind tends to skip all the memories with the consequences that comes with drinking and only remembers the “feel good” effect. You need to sit down, get something to eat, which lessens the urge for to want to drink, and write down the pain alcohol has brought into your life. I’m here for you!
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Old 06-06-2018, 01:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Gillygem. Welcome aboard!
"I didn't do anything for my recovery and sot was inevitable that I would start to think that I could now drink and stay in control."

I think youve sort of answered the question. Youve been sober before so you know how it works. Chuck out all the booze, ignore the AV, play the tape forward etc. You can do it because you already have....your focus and energy needs to be the answer to the above...recovery needs work. You cant do nothing...it just doesnt work like that. If it did we wouldnt all be here. You need to make a plan. A plan to cover all the times when the AV calls, when it sends you a text, when it taps on your shoulder, when it winks at you across a busy restaurant. AV is like a toxic lover. The more you ignore it the louder it will shout...and then it will quieten. Hence your 5 years but its made its way back in and because you didnt have a plan it has seduced you again. You can beat this once and for all. We are all here to suoport you. Love and peace. Xx
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Old 06-06-2018, 01:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I really think it helps to not have alcohol in the house at all. There are times during the night when it's quiet and very hard to ignore the voice and if alcohol is available, it's easy to slip.

I'm glad you're back and I hope that you're ready to make this work!
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