leo21

Ugh......so I joined sometime in 2010 and after wins and losses I finally kicked drinking to the curb after struggling for about a year or so. It was something I had to do alone; those of you who have spouses that are critical of you can probably relate to what I mean. I thought things were really good, and once a year or so we would visit wineries and I would have samples and never think about drinking. Beer was my buddy all those years, and I made sure to keep away from that stuff. In 2016 I made a bad choice and fell to temptation with a female I knew. I wish I had never been approached by her and never said yes. We had a one time fling which just adds on to my poor choices in life, and then it was forgotten about and dropped. Fast forward to September 2017 and it was revealed to my wife. The crisis that ensued led me to go out alone on drives and buy six packs. What started as once in a while to get away from the drama grew on me. So yeah, up until yesterday morning I've been taking a break away from work and downing some bottles to keep that buzz all day. I'm feeling like crap now and recognizing the brain fog and chaos that goes along with this. Can today be my day 1? It's weird how my thoughts trick me into saying just one more time and tomorrow you can stop. Feeling pretty down about my life right now guys.

PhoenixJ

support to you leo.
Addiction sucks
Alcohol just makes a difficult situation worse.
Join a few threads, go to meeting, get prof support
keep posting

Anna

I'm sorry that you're struggling right now. I'm sure you know that, as long as alcohol is in the picture, things will never improve. I felt like I couldn't manage any crisis in my life without alcohol, but that was the disease speaking to me. You can learn to manage difficult situations in healthy ways.

I'm glad today is Day 1 and I hope you keep posting.

Janis

I had the same issue with getting a day 1 under my belt. I read somewhere that just like there is one day at a time in sobriety when we drink it is the same thing in reverse, just one more day.

Best of luck and I hope you keep your Day1. I'm only on Day 7 but at least I finally put the cork in the bottle.

gettingsmarter

I drank "just one more day" everyday for the last 5 years of my drinking. Get in that day one. Don't let that one more day turn into forever.

I think it's "Tomorrow is right now in 24 hours". Or something like that.

You can do it.

Distorted Me

This is the God's honest truth. When you're finally sober you'll know it yourself. Of that I have absolutely no doubt. We all know it now. I'm bipolar with anxiety disorders so things are that much more confusing for me. But I'm crystal clear now that alcohol was not only making things worse, it was the root of most of the insanity in my life.

If it is of interest to you at all, I actually decided on a Tuesday that I was going to be done with alcohol forever but didn't actually quit until that Friday. I intentionally gave myself 2 more days to drink to my heart's (gut's) content. Part of that was so I couldn't say to myself that I didn't get in my fair share before I put it down for good. Part of it was sort of a "saying goodbye" period. And I used those last 2 days as sort of gimme days so I could really get my brain wrapped around what was going to be the new reality.

I gave myself those extra two days even though my body was SCREAMING at me to stop right away. My liver was starting to hurt and I was literally within an inch of vomiting every minute of the day as soon as I crawled out of bed in the morning. Of course, the vodka was the only cure for that nausea which was probably my last sure sign I absolutely, without a single doubt, had to quit for good. My body was dying from that poison and it was just letting me know in no uncertain terms. Sounds to me like your hearing the same stuff.

Listen to your body leo. Listen to your universe. Listen to yourself. You know it's time to put it down forever. Take the next step. You will be so damn happy you did. That's not b.s. it's the damn truth! (apologies for all the cursing - I'm very passionate - and my dad was a sailor so....)

Hevyn

Hi Leo - I'm so glad you're back with new determination. It sounds like you realize it doesn't help us get through bad times - only makes us more anxious & stressed. You don't need it now - and you never will. Let's do this.

BreezyFe

I, too, as Distorted (if I am correct) mentioned that my last time with alcohol not too long ago-I drank till I could not drink no more, made myself absolutely sick. Sick the next day to the point of barely getting out of bed . Utter hell. It was my good bye to vodka. I had clarity in knowing in my mind that my body & mind can no longer have it.

The insanity that we go thru in order to quit.

leo21

It's funny that being alcohol free for what, 6-7 years feels like such a long time, and then when you mess up all those years seem so short and fleeting. I felt the need to come back here, especially since the brews became a daily thing a few months ago and I haven't slowed down any. I remembered that this place felt like a haven and a wonderful resource that compelled me to find success. Today wasn't my day #1 after all, so I have to be strong in the morning! For some reason that is my weak time where I let the voice talk me into taking a break and getting some beers. Thanks to all for the warm welcome and advise -- it's good to have found this place again.

lessgravity

Sad to hear you gave in again.

Glad to hear you are back here.