Forward12

Life in general isn't always a fun place. We all have our ups and downs.
Us drunks would run and hide behind a bottle over anything, but recovery is all about dealing with our situations in a healthy, sober manner.

PalmerSage

Every time I felt that way, I can look at my day and say that I was trying to do too much. Of course, we all may have jobs, kids, spouses, pets, aging parents, lots of responsibilities in the mix, but when we really think about it...there are so few things that are truly must-dos-right-now. The main one is to stay sober, and then to keep the lights on and the water running, so to speak. That may or may not include receiving professional awards, being high-activity parent of the year, even eating right or exercising. Of course, that's not to say that all that stuff isn't important, it's just that you have to prioritize sobriety in order to make it stick, and everything else will rise up in its due time. In other words, especially in the early days, give yourself as many breaks as you possibly can.

ProfessorD

Sage advice, Palmersage!

teatreeoil007

A day spent resting can bring much refreshment to your heart, mind, and soul.

Sophie11

Hi Prof, I’m not sure I have any advice, but I can just say that I relate to this entirely. I call them ‘lost days.’

For me (also a prof/ researcher/academic) one thing I’ve had to do is give myself permission to be sub-par on some days. I reckon that even if I ‘lose’ a day here and there, the overall quality of my work (and my reliability as a colleague/ to my students) is still better than when I was drinking.

One thing I really struggle with though, is the flexibility in my schedule. Perhaps you, like me, mainly set your own schedule which is both a blessing and a curse.

I guess what I’m saying is that I try to find a balance between going a bit easy on myself and accepting some lost days, whilst also keeping an eye out to make sure they don’t become habitual or progressive.

That’s just me though! I also struggle with depression and anxiety so that’s worth adding to my ‘context’ as well...

teatreeoil007

I think there's a lot of folks in this world who are far to hard on themselves when it comes to thinking they have to have a certain level of productivity every day or else they are somehow "losing ground". But I really don't view it that way. Maybe it's in my DNA...or something....but I think people could truly benefit w lowing down and getting away from such a hectic pace. Just my take.

Know what they say about the weather around these parts? "If you don't like the weather, don't worry, it'll change."

ProfessorD

Thanks Sophie and Teetree! Great advice.

tomsteve

expectations. i had seriously bad ones of myself. had to have everything done and done perfectly every day or else i failed. i didnt look at what i had achieved in a day but what i didnt achieve.
that was just one more thing i had to look at differently- how important was it to get done what i THOUGHT had to get done in a day? why did i FEEL it was so important? why did i FEEL my days werent good unless i achieved everything?
i got to a point i could say
dont sweat the small stuff
its all small stuff
if i cant run and i cant hide, go with the flow.
sure made my days nicer

biminiblue

I agree w tomsteve. Have a "done" list, not a "to do" list.

Gottalife

I had some truly awful days in the first few months of sobriety. I lost my job and had all my stuff stolen out of my locker. My wonderful new partner kicked me out and then messed with me over our unborn child for a while. I had to shift house as a result, relations were strained with some in my family to say the least. And to top it all off, I could hardly string a sentence together. I also regularly got this sense of impending doom, which, it turned out, was my alcoholic mind setting me up for the next bender.

But in all that, I don’t recall ever having to hunker down and just focus on not drinking. In fact, for the first three months I often stopped in at my old watering hole for ten minutes on the way home from a meeting. My alcoholic life was the only normal one you see, and this was where I thought life happened.

I broke all the rules really, but never lost sight of the objective of sobriety through the twelve steps. I worked on those as best I could the whole time, and never once did I feel in danger of picking up. It may be that I realised that these external events had nothing to do with drinking or sobriety. They were just life, and I wasn’t very good at life for a while. I drank because I couldn’t not drink, and by getting busy with the steps, suddenly I didn’t even think of drinking, like the problem was removed, which it turned out to be.