keeppushing

So I'm D12 and I've been working away on my plan as well as updating it based on lessons learnt. I swear, it feels like preparing my plan is much harder than the abstinence has been (post D2). I'm actually having a panic attack right now as I try to put everything in one place. I've done each piece of the plan (cost/benefit analysis, rational cards, letter to myself, etc.) but the final step of just putting it in one place for easy access when needed is creating massive anxiety.

I mean, I get it. A part of me is resisting the path of sobriety. It's just such a strange feeling. I don't remember feeling this before. Maybe sub-consciously abstaining today still keeps tomorrow open for drinking, but a plan means closing off the future to drinking.

Anyway, going to take a short break from planning for today and go back at it tomorrow. Wish me luck!

KP

MyLittleHorsie

Maybe don't look at lifetime right now. For me I started with a month, anybody can do anything for a month, then before the month was up, I said 6 months, at around the 3 month mark I said a year. Now I have moved to a decade. That way the plan is constantly evolving. I was worried a bit ago about complacency, be coming too comfortable. I will be 8 months the 23rd of June, so obviously I will make the year, it became time to look even farther. What will a decade sober look like, what goals will I reach with that kind of clarity? How will my relationships improve and what do I still have to resolve within myself to get those ten years.

I am a big believer in anything is possible if you utilize visualization. What do I see my life like, how do i make it happen, how do i deal with bumps in the road.

biminiblue

Ah, the dying gasps of your Addiction - now seeing its time is up.


I can say that the most freeing thing ever is the final acceptance that it's over.

I had a lot of little affirmations and readings and prayers and images on my phone that I would look at. Is that an option? I had simple things like a five point non-negotiable list for every day that was recovery-related. It was things like #1. Don't pick up a drink...then a gratitude list, go to a meeting, post in my Class on SoberRecovery, read something recovery related, eat well and take a walk.

doggonecarl

I understand one day at a time, that's how I stayed sober for the first couple of months--one day, sometimes one hour at a time.

However, I soon embraced the concept of never drinking again. It firmly closed the door to drinking, which I needed to do. I was never a normal drinker, I was never, ever going to be a normal drinker, therefore I could never drink again. Ever.

keeppushing

This is what I was trying to do. But you make a point about starting simple, I'll try that right now.

Thanks.

biminiblue

Absolutely. If you go to bed sober, you've done it right today.

Buckley3

Part of being constructive and effective is re-sharpening the saw. Gotta take a break every now and then. Living can be hard work.

And especially so for those of us that are somewhat new to facing our stuff. I think it takes time for new habits and new ways of thinking to not require so much effort.

Treat yourself well. You deserve it. Trust yourself also - when you feel it's enough it's enough. No need to sprint in a marathon.

-B

Berrybean

It is hard work at first. A bit like learning to ride a bike. At first we have to think about everything and it all seems counterintuitive, and it's easy to get despondent when we don't manage to do it perfect straight away. But after a while it becomes a new kind of second-nature. Well, that's the aim anyway. And we stop beating ourselves up when we make mistakes, and just crack on with it.

It's easier if we're not trying to do it alone.

BB

keeppushing

Thanks all for your different perspectives, its great to be able to see things from different angles.

Dee74

Hows it going KP?
D