AA - What to expect?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
AA - What to expect?
Hi all, I've been battling my binge drinking for a while now and doing better than I ever have before but I still keep relapsing. It's infrequent but still devastating to my life when I do; I've decided I need to seek some support in real life.
I'm a bit scared to tell my family about this and I honestly don't think I'll get much support from them anyway so I've found where the local AA meetings are. There's one on this Saturday I'm going to go to but in all honesty; this also scares me more than a little bit!
I was wondering how these things usually go (in the UK) and what I should expect? I find it so much easier to be honest when hiding behind my internet veil of anonymity so this really does have me nervous.
I'm a bit scared to tell my family about this and I honestly don't think I'll get much support from them anyway so I've found where the local AA meetings are. There's one on this Saturday I'm going to go to but in all honesty; this also scares me more than a little bit!
I was wondering how these things usually go (in the UK) and what I should expect? I find it so much easier to be honest when hiding behind my internet veil of anonymity so this really does have me nervous.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
I live in the US, so can't give 1st hand accounts of AA in the UK.
However, in most places, different local groups (If available in your area) have different dynamics - so check out different meetings if available.
Also, do a web search for AA Speaker Messages. You most likely can find some from the UK.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I Know U Can B 2
However, in most places, different local groups (If available in your area) have different dynamics - so check out different meetings if available.
Also, do a web search for AA Speaker Messages. You most likely can find some from the UK.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I Know U Can B 2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
It is perfectly normal to be scared about attending your first meeting, don't feel like the lone ranger. Everyone at the meeting is there because they are seeking relief from the hell of alcoholism in it's many forms and behaviors. Their is a common goal shared by everyone in the rooms.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Bluegill, one option would be to call the local AA hotline, explain which meeting you're going to and ask if they can talk you through what happens. They may be able to arrange for an AA member òof same gender) to meet you somewhere safe prior to the meeting for a chat, or to go in together if that would help.
When you go in the door people will probably notice a newcomer arrive and someone will come over to show you where the tea and coffee is and explain what will happen at that specific meeting and point you in the direction of literature and give you a newcomers pack. All the people at / running the meeting (if it is a closed meeting) are alcoholics. Ut is run BY alcoholics, for alcoholics. So every single person there will remember exactly what its like coming to the first meeting and have lots of empathy for you. Once the meeting starts everyone is quiet . People don't talk over each other in meetings. The meeting is usually started with some standard readings which can be given to someone to read, or passed around depending on the meeting. If anyone prefers not to read they can simply say 'pass' and hand the sheet to the next person. Noone has to speak if they don't want to, but one point that it would be a good idea to speak would be when they ask if there are any newcomers in the room, and suggest that if it's someone's 1st, 2nd or 3rd meeting they introduce themselves by their first name so people can get to know them. So at that point I'd say "I'm berry and this is my first meeting, and I'm an alcoholic" (or however you'd prefer to identify.
If it's a speaker meeting someone will do a main share and others will share back afterwards. Sometimes the meeting is a Big Book meeting or similar, so a passage will be read out and then folk share back on that passage, what it means to them, and how they identify with it. Longer meetings sometimes have a break. At some point there will be a pot passed around and people will pop some money in it to contribute to running costs of the meeting. Newcomers aren't expected to put money in the pot. Tea and coffee are free (that's just part of the running costs). Some meetings might have some time allocated to giving out chips (coins for amounts of time sober) but not all meetings do this. At the end there is likely to be a prayer to close, usually / always the Serenity Prayer in my area.
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
(Often people will add on, "keep coming back, it works if you work it" (alluding to the 12-step program).
Hope this helps. Any questions give me a shout.
BB
When you go in the door people will probably notice a newcomer arrive and someone will come over to show you where the tea and coffee is and explain what will happen at that specific meeting and point you in the direction of literature and give you a newcomers pack. All the people at / running the meeting (if it is a closed meeting) are alcoholics. Ut is run BY alcoholics, for alcoholics. So every single person there will remember exactly what its like coming to the first meeting and have lots of empathy for you. Once the meeting starts everyone is quiet . People don't talk over each other in meetings. The meeting is usually started with some standard readings which can be given to someone to read, or passed around depending on the meeting. If anyone prefers not to read they can simply say 'pass' and hand the sheet to the next person. Noone has to speak if they don't want to, but one point that it would be a good idea to speak would be when they ask if there are any newcomers in the room, and suggest that if it's someone's 1st, 2nd or 3rd meeting they introduce themselves by their first name so people can get to know them. So at that point I'd say "I'm berry and this is my first meeting, and I'm an alcoholic" (or however you'd prefer to identify.
If it's a speaker meeting someone will do a main share and others will share back afterwards. Sometimes the meeting is a Big Book meeting or similar, so a passage will be read out and then folk share back on that passage, what it means to them, and how they identify with it. Longer meetings sometimes have a break. At some point there will be a pot passed around and people will pop some money in it to contribute to running costs of the meeting. Newcomers aren't expected to put money in the pot. Tea and coffee are free (that's just part of the running costs). Some meetings might have some time allocated to giving out chips (coins for amounts of time sober) but not all meetings do this. At the end there is likely to be a prayer to close, usually / always the Serenity Prayer in my area.
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
(Often people will add on, "keep coming back, it works if you work it" (alluding to the 12-step program).
Hope this helps. Any questions give me a shout.
BB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Having at first rejected AA because it didn’t ‘fit’ my expectations....
Then having a decade later found strength and support in it to recover from addiction that had gotten much worse....
I offer you this: expect nothing.
Resolve to go with an open mind, an open heart, listening not simply to the words (which may at times feel uncomfortable) but to the core messages.
Resolve to listen and see not what you find objectionable, but what you find similar to your own experience.
Resolve to open yourself to what may be of value to you in finding sobriety.
If you do this, you will find much more than you might expect.
Then having a decade later found strength and support in it to recover from addiction that had gotten much worse....
I offer you this: expect nothing.
Resolve to go with an open mind, an open heart, listening not simply to the words (which may at times feel uncomfortable) but to the core messages.
Resolve to listen and see not what you find objectionable, but what you find similar to your own experience.
Resolve to open yourself to what may be of value to you in finding sobriety.
If you do this, you will find much more than you might expect.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
You don't have to tell your family, and honestly, it's best that you don't unless one of them is a recovering alcoholic.
AA on the other hand, be ready for open arms and support. All it takes is walking in the doors and sitting down
AA on the other hand, be ready for open arms and support. All it takes is walking in the doors and sitting down
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I'm by no means an avid AA'er and got 'pushed in' by the courts,but was still scared. The one thing I'll say is that I wish I'd went two years sooner,when I realized I had a problem,but the 'fear of the unknown' kept me drinking. I met a bunch of caring,sweet,welcoming people that understood where I was 'at' with my drinking/life being out of control.They had been there too. Those rooms(court ordered) got my head focused on me and my life. Where I want to be..what do I want my future to look/not look like,ect. I don't go often anymore and mainly stick around here,but they pointed me in the correct direction. I'm like 16-17mo now and jusr mainly stick around here(also met some great folks here!). Push yourself through those doors. You won't regret it in the long run!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Berrybean has posted excellent advice on what to expect in an AA meeting, its natural to feel scared, I was petrified going to my first meeting, so much so I hid behind a tree watching people go in and out.... you know just in case I saw someone I knew lol. The one thing that hit me was people in the rooms had it worse than me, so I questioned immediately whether I was actually an alcoholic (I most definately am!) so when you hear the words listen for the similarities and not the differences is really important. There have been people in the rooms also drunk less than I did too, it doesnt matter how long or how much or whether people have had it worse, whats important to remember is, if you have entered the rooms of AA, you are meant to be there. Normal drinkers do not go to AA, problem drinkers do. It is a huge and brave step you have made by identifying you have an issue with alcohol and you want to do something about it, so well done. And....keep coming back 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
I have been in and out of the rooms on and off since my first meeting in the late 1990s. When I went back to that basement room of my local church on a Thursday in November of 2015 there was one thing I remembered even though it had been over 12 years since my last meeting. I knew I would be welcome. I was right about that. I will be leaving to go to that same meeting in about 10 minutes. My sponsor is usually there. He gave me my 24 hour chip.
Trust me when i say that in 99% of all AA meetings you will be welcomed. The only reason i don't suggest 100% on this is that there are some less that good meetings out there. The miracle is that so few meeting are bad ones when you consider that 100% of the meetings are run by a bunch of drunks. If you are unfortunate enough to find a bad meeting don't be discouraged. Look around. There will be some meeting that fits you. We are all screwed up when we arrive and we understand that. I wish you success in your journey.
Trust me when i say that in 99% of all AA meetings you will be welcomed. The only reason i don't suggest 100% on this is that there are some less that good meetings out there. The miracle is that so few meeting are bad ones when you consider that 100% of the meetings are run by a bunch of drunks. If you are unfortunate enough to find a bad meeting don't be discouraged. Look around. There will be some meeting that fits you. We are all screwed up when we arrive and we understand that. I wish you success in your journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 572
To answer your question: most meetings start with a reading of the preamble and How It Works. If it’s a speaker meeting, which is most typical, an alcoholic with 90-days+ sobriety will share his/her experience, strength and hope. Following that, others will be allowed to share, by show-of-hands or via round-robin. Most are nice, all are welcoming, some are pricks. Just like the tapestry of life.
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