Ginyard007

Hi there as the title says first time poster here, I've been completely sober for 7 months and for the first time have no craving whatsoever. I've had problems with drinking since my first year of university (I'm from the UK this becomes important later) and the first blackouts started, the first mysterious injuries and so on. By the end of university although I'd done well and had the privilege of being able to study in Japan I was drinking more heavily and it became rare that I'd be able to remember coming home from a night out. I tried the army but was medically discharged after phase 2 training (unsure of US equivalent) due to major depression. Nevertheless from here I managed to become successful as a network engineer and also a moonlighting nightclub bouncer, due to work, physical training and what I saw on the doors I managed to avoid alcohol for several years. I had a wife and as time went on 3 terrific kids, a couple of motorcycles and a house I was fortunate enough to be able to pay for outright no crippling mortgage influencing our decisions... Despite this enviable status I travelled more and so spent more time alone and work pressures led me to pick up alcohol to sell medicate. Now, as was in retrospect to become clear alcoholism is progressive and I started drinking at the point I had left off some time before so quickly began to drink on weekends then evenings and at lunchtimes at work. It started becoming a problem as I would routinely **** the bed, spend whole weekends drunk and useless and while away with work on my own I'd hit the bars and get smashed making me hungover for work the next day. I'd also start to drive drunk occasionally to "prove" to my wife I was sober as she was obviously on my back about it. After too long of this she showed me the door and my drinking became increasingly more pronounced which led me to resigning a lucrative but very responsible position before I could cause genuine damage to the systems I worked with. I subsequently started drinking in the morning and experienced violent withdrawals when stopping. Eventually I ended up in prison for 6 months due to a violent incident while I was drunk... I swore off and returned to work a changed man (yeah). Within 2 months my anxiety was so bad and my cravings so intense I quit my work and hit the bottle hard, was in hospital 20 times in 12 months including a stay in ICU, subsequently to 3 week detox. I lost my home and ended up on the streets to a homeless hostel where I drank, took drugs and was hospitalised routinely in that order, each time the withdrawals getting worse and eventually leading to seizures every single time (have had 15 so far that I'm aware of). After another spell intubated in ICU I properly engaged with alcohol services and swore to quit... I got a supported apartment which at least got me out of the hostel and away from other regular users, so true to form I had a huge binge which ended when I was forced to call an ambulance from the liquor store over the road at 7am as I couldn't find anymore money to sustain the binge and had started to badly withdraw got the usual hallucinations (solid visual, auditory) people crawling out of my waste paper baskets and patterns on the wall crawling (to name only a few of the ones I had started to term "regulars". The ambulance arrived and I politely informed the paramedics I may have a seizure very shortly, which I did. Long story short I had a cluster of seizures where I was told by a specialist alcohol nurse that I'd stopped breathing for some time during the longest grand mal, I was in hospital for a couple of days which I don't remember as was heavily sedated, woke up feeling fine but was told they had decided to initiate a "deprivation of liberty safeguards" (DOLS) again I'm unsure of the US equivalent, but it means they could restrict my leaving if I tried (I have a history of escaping). I felt fine so didn't understand at the time but my mother and sister had signed off on the process so it was out of my hands. Anyway their foresight was commendable as later on I started to become confused and while being moved wards panicked and asked why I was being moved to a hospice to die. From there reality started to break down and I was convinced that I was in a testing lab and was awaiting vivisection, I then believed I was at a Satanist cult initiation ritual, then that I was being given class A substances so the police would jail me, then that I was staying at a hotel in New York and then that I was Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap and I had to find things and put them into a toilet cistern otherwise I'd never wake up and get back home. Please note that I was awake during all this (so I was later informed) and had repeatedly escaped the locked ward by hitting the fire alarm and running out of the building being chased by security. Ultimately security were placed at the foot of my bed (at this point I was sure they agents from "the Matrix" and that I was in a virtual reality simulation). Most amusingly to me I had started to shout for Scott Baio to come and help me (you know, the actor). He didn't, and one of the nurses later asked who he was lol. Eventually I sort of snapped back to reality and spent 3 days under observation finding out how much damage there was (quite a lot particularly to my liver). Then another week in a residential detox facility to complete the process (this additional week helped enormously). Anyway, since then it's as if a switch was flipped, no cravings at all, and definitely no alcohol. Almost 7 months and I finally feel like going back to aa, to attending government run recovery programmes and even back to work part time lest my skills degrade too much. Inn short I think I've been allowed another chance and I'm incredibly grateful, I take my recovery very seriously and it is my primary focus. I don't smoke and don't use any stimulants as I need my brain and body to be given a chance to repair at least some of the abuse I've dished out to it. I look at life differently and for the first time will accept help. I realise good things will not happen overnight but as I now see it no matter how crummy a day has been at least at midnight I can say I haven't had a drink. I'm a taxpayer again so I can start paying back for the resources expended on me during this time (also before people judge I paid more tax in a year than people on minimum wage pay in a working lifetime so please avoid that criticism). To conclude I'm ALIVE, I'm looking at life through new eyes and I want different things from it, and also want to give back. I take recovery extremely seriously and accept it is a lifelong process, and I can never drink again. Whatever happened to me in that week last November seemed to flip a switch and I want to ensure it stays switched that way. Anyway I know this is long but thanks for being patient and reading to the end.

BrandNewDay11

Hi Ginyard, thank you for sharing your story. Alcohol really put you through hell but I am so glad to hear that you made it out and have gained a foothold back onto solid ground. Congrats on the 7 months sober! I hope you stay here and continue to share your successes!

(One thing I'd like to suggest is to please break up your posts into paragraphs to make it easier to read).

Healthyandsober

Hi Ginyard,

Welcome!

Thank you for telling your story. It was very powerful and not many people can come back from where you have been.

Congratulations on 7 months and keep the good work.

You help me today. Thank you.

Berrybean

Welcome Ginyard.

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you're doing well.

least

Welcome to the family.

Numblady

Welcome. And keep posting and working. Just in case the switch starts to inch backward. I’m so happy to hear you’ve come through on the sober side.

And where is that darn Scott Baio when you need him?!

Buckley3

Amazing story. Thank you for sharing it.

I think the most exciting thing for me in my own recovery is learning that I get to live my life - shape my life - into whatever direction I want.

Of course it takes commitment to that, but that’s the being alive part right?

The great thing about hitting rock bottom is the way it can remove fear of living that few experiences can. Very Zen when I put it that way. There really is good in all bad and vice versa...

Welcome!

B

icewater1961

Good for you, 7 weeks is awesome! Big congrats. I have some of the similar things happen to me, DUIs, jail, loss of all my money and relationships. Five times in ER. Once they sent me to a loonie bin. That was so depressing that I left after four days. I would have gone back to a reality nice rehab where I was a while ago (and 2 years sober after that) but could not afford it. Had hallucinations that were truly weird, threatening and vivid, and similar confusion as you did, I thought that I was in Paris France and the jail (in Virginia) was a hotel. And there were three guys, two young Latinos and one old white guy in the cell (or my hotel room as I thought) and I was being drugged. And one of my cell mates had shaved her head and was eight months pregnant. I was thinking how can I get back to US, I must ask my dad for money. My dad died six years ago. Obviously I was tossed into a medical cell and given Valium and the confusion lifted. But it all seemed very real and I was living it. The guards were saying do you know what you said?! I do remember most of it. Jail health care is not great, while two of the guards were actual human beings lots of the staff were downright sadistic. At least they gave me something, in the end. Not at first while I was hallucinating and asking for help. The total loss of reality came later. I wish you all the best for your recovery, keep us posted! And if you ever hear that voice that says that you can drink again, post, call your aa sponsor or a friend or a counselor before you do. That has helped me. I had bad cravings yesterday and posted here. But I hope what we will keep hearing here is an amazing success story.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Ginyard, and congratulations on your sober time.

You gave had a truly horrifying experience with alcohol. Really glad that you have chosen sobriety.

This us a fantastic place for support.

Hope you stick around.

Ginyard007

Thanks for the support please ignore the stream of consciousness, no paragraphs style of my post I typed it on my phone and it kind of just all came out. Still can't believe I shouted for help from the guy in "Charles in Charge" lol. I'm relieved in a way some others have had the confusion, psychosis, delirium, I knew the extent of it was uncommon but not unknown. I'm astonishingly lucky that our wonderful health service didn't let me die and it hasn't resulted in any bills being sent to cripple me. I Love being sober. Thanks.

PhoenixJ

Hey, GY. Welcome.
Q

PhoenixJ

STUPID COMPUTER...

quite a few comparisons with my story..which is well documented here and will not elaborate on. Meetings are an excellent tool, as is regular checkups with my GP, and CBT counseling with a psychologist. Diversion, socialising (I force myself to do this one- daily..even if it is just people watching in a mall), journal writing, some form of exercise, art, doco's..in fact anything except drinking.
Join a few threads..(? Class of June '18?)...the more involved you become- rather than ghosting, the more you will learn- reflecting on my own experiences.
Support to you.

Stronger2017

Welcome to the site and congrats on the sober time🙂

Dee74

Welcome to SR Ginyard

D

MissPerfumado

Charles in Charge?! You mean Chachi, dude.

Anyway, welcome. Helluva story.

16YearsDrunk

I don't usually read long posts but you had me gripped. Alcohol destroyed me in a similar way 5 years ago (including a prison sentence to boot). I work in devops and software development too so can relate a lot. Thank you for sharing your story.

Welcome. I look forward to seeing you around

Ginyard007

Thanks dude; however he was both chachi and Charles in charge lol.

Ladysadie

Amazing story! Impressed as well that you could type this on a phone! What grit and determination you have shown. Congrats on the 7 months sobriety!