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Jeni26 06-17-2018 10:10 PM

Sorry to see you go Bim...I think your way of eating would be the way that suits me best too, but at the moment I’m a long way from there. I think I need to crack the sugar thing first. I’m a bit ‘all or nothing’ with that.

I don’t want to be on a plan of eating that restricts me either, I’m much more likely to become obsessive about that too, and I don’t like that way of thinking at all, it is so unhealthy for me.

I think you would have helped balance me.

Wishing you all the best xx

MidnightBlue 06-17-2018 11:39 PM

Hi, all.

Bim - Sorry to hear this. Food addiction is such a controversial topic it inevitably involves different opinions and approaches. I am glad you've found the way which works for you. We are cool, right?

Jeni - Maybe, change the word "restriction" for any other world which doesn't trigger such negative connotations? Because the food you are going to cut out of your nutrition is not actually food, it's combination of mostly artificial ingredients which don't do to our body anything but harm. In a way you can look at it as "substance".

You are not restricting yourself, you are making your life better and doing yourself a huge favor.

You quit cigarettes! And I've heard it's one of the toughest addictions to get rid of . You can do it with sugar too!

Have you seen "Sugar" documentary? It's about a guy who made an experiment and ate so called "healthy" foods (low fat yougurts, etc) instead of his regular sugar-free nutrition. He ate an average of 40 g of sugar per day. And a team of doctors tracked everything that was happening to his body.

It was scary.

You are trading artificial freedom ("I can eat this chocolate bar) for real freedom (I can do whatever I want, wear whatever I want, engage myself in activities whatever I want).

I am rooting for you!

Well, and for myself too because I have a sugar hangover and I do feel like "curing" it with some comforting food.

Have a good day/night, everyone.

Sunflowerlife 06-18-2018 03:07 AM


Originally Posted by WeaverBird (Post 6929720)
Hey my lovelies, I am here, I just feel bad posting because I'm lightyears behind y'all (that sounds funny in an English accent).

I feel I have nothing to contribute of use. Since this thread started, I can see just how damaging this disorder is. I had no idea what I was up against. Now I'm seeing that it is indeed life or death. I feel like I'm dying after this latest binge actually.

I weighed myself. Weight up 3 pounds since yesterday. I normally don't weigh myself when I'm on the way up, but I thought if I forced myself to acknowledge what's happening to my body it would stop me. Couldn't find anything nice to wear that fits and took a photo of myself for the App in the hope it will encourage me. Trouble is that might work for normal people to motivate them. But for me. Oh so many tears. Weight is all round middle section.

Anyway, no breakfast today. I dread starting eating because then I know I won't stop. (I like the idea of protein for breakfast btw and wonder if I should do the continental thing and have cheese and meats and just give up on trying for cereals and milk). Anyway, so no breakfast, off to church ~ felt great, just lots of socialising, then Bam! I'm buying some 'essentials' in the supermarket and eating my whole calories for the day in sugar in the space of 10 minutes in the car on the way home.

Sorry guys. I hadn't realised that this is the alcohol all over again. Get a few hours or days or even a week and then Wham! off again. I wasn't like that with the alcohol, I guess I was so so ill at the end that it gave me a window of opportunity. I see that pattern in other people though, and now I'm doing that with the food. I guess I just didn't see this as so serious.

However, it is and today I had such a sense that the universe is suggesting I stop hurting myself like this, or it will step in and make me. Probably with diabetes or heart disease, or cancer.

And, boy did I have a mood change about 20 minutes after eating that sugar. I won't bore you with the details of the strop and now the moping and misery me! There is NO denying that the food is causing this. I am choosing to ruin my day. I was so happy before and now I literally feel like I am fighting for my life. My heart rate is up, it's difficult to breath, I feel like I'm made of lead. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. It's me.

Also, it was like a trance before, like going in to a narrow tunnel where the focus is on getting food. I used to be like that with the drink. I'd go to the shop like a robot. People on this site saved my life when I started posting what I'd bought and what I was planning to do. Do I have to go to that length to stop the food?

Worse, I've been using myfitnesspal App, so I know afterwards what I've done. This is new behaviour for me. In the past I was either stacking on the pounds. And I can easily put on 10 pounds in a week. Half a stone in a weekend sometimes. Or I'm starving. I've never followed a diet as such. Eat for 5 people or starve it off.

I did scatter some ashes on Friday so there's unresolved pain under the surface. I don't know how to get at it. And if I have to be psychologically well before I can get free of the unhealthy eating cycle, then I'm DOOMED.

Sorry for that lot. Love Weev

Oh my sweet Weev- I can relate and understand 100% of what you wrote. This is why I made this thread. This is why I have been in so much pain these last few weeks. I also realized that this is just like quitting alcohol, all over again and it's frightening, smothering, all consuming. However, I believe that these feelings will fade and new feelings of strength and hope will soon take over. I'm actually feeling more hopeful now and less fearful than I was a few weeks ago. I have a feeling if you just keep pushing through, you will also get to this point, in your own time.

This is a process- just remember that. Give yourself time to go through the process and system of accepting what is- remember the serenity prayer- we can't change this but we can have the courage to change when we are ready. It took me several weeks just to admit I was powerless. Now that I am sure of that, I can move on to tackle the actual problem.

You do contribute to this thread just be being here and you are not lightyears behind anyone. I haven't gotten more than 3 days yet. I am still struggling. I know a lot of us are. Please don't compare yourself with anyone.

As for how to use this thread, my initial intention was to come on here and commit to an hour of abstinence from compulsive overeating because that's all I could do. If that works for you, you could try it. I do believe for some of us like you and me, this is just like it was with the alcohol. We need to reach out for help- we need others to talk us out of it. And that's ok. This is difficult stuff- truly difficult but I have hope, lots of hope for both of us. I want you to find that hope too.

For me it starts with changing my diet. Cereal in the morning would lead me to a binge. Remember how you felt when you tried low carb? Did the desire to binge subside just a little bit? If so, why not try again with your breakfast? Eggs and cheese or meat or whatever you like. For me my first meal is a fatty protein shake because that's what I've been doing for many years (used to be just a protein shake now I add the fat.)

If those podcasts I shared were helping, would you be willing to start listening again?

I am begging you not to give up on yourself. And whatever weight you put on and off in a week is just water anyway. I never weigh myself after a binge- I would lose my mind. I can see the water on my body and I know that after 3 days it is gone again. Don't let self loathing win this time- you are worth this my friend- small changes today. Do whatever you can but if you are feeling the need, reach out before you eat sugar. I love you!:grouphug:

Sunflowerlife 06-18-2018 03:13 AM


Originally Posted by biminiblue (Post 6929947)
So, I'm going to stop posting in this thread.

I've spent years and tens of thousands of posts talking about this stuff on Myfitnesspal (there is a forum on there, too.) Honestly, I've worked through this and don't want to jump back in to it again - I have an unconventional, Non 12-Step, Non food-abstinence system that works for my goals and for my particular life.

I have no desire to abstain and not eat certain foods and make it into some big thing that I don't feel like it needs to be. That just ramps up my anxiety and all-or-nothing perfectionist thinking. It's only food. I get good nutrition. I don't get extra points for eating a certain way once I've gotten my basic nutrition needs met.

I wish you all the very best.

I'm sorry if you felt pressured to change the way you eat. We have no expectations here- some people abstain from sugar and flour and others don't have to. Some may use a program and others can do it on their own. I started this thread because I am indeed a food addict who cannot tolerate those things but I would never expect that everyone here is the same. If this isn't a healthy place for you than of course it's better not to contribute. Thank you for your time BiminiBlue and I also wish you the very best.

Sunflowerlife 06-18-2018 03:16 AM


Originally Posted by MidnightBlue (Post 6929818)
I forgot to address this, and this is a biggie.

You don't have to to get all your psychological and emotional ducks in a row BEFORE you get free of unhealthy eating cycle.

Yes, psychological wounds and emotions often serve like triggers, but it doesn't mean you have to act of them.

You need a legit defense system to disrupt the chain between a trigger and a full-blown binge.

And one more thing.

For me dealing with food addiction is not so much about how much weight I gained or lost.

It's about changing my Identity.

If the mindset is not changing, sooner or later the body will catch up with it.

When I am rationalizing why I need it, I know I am BSing myself.

Just like this time.

Got complacent. Rationalized. Walked right in the trap.

P.S. Still rationalizing possibility to "start tomorrow". Geez.

I agree so much with this- it's one of the reasons why I recommend the podcast/book "Brain Over Binge." Their method is simply learning how not to give into the urge to binge. We don't have to heal ourselves first, fix our inner problems- that takes time, a lifetime for most of us. We can help heal our brain first and then work on the psychological stuff (if we feel the need) at the same time or later.

MidnightBlue 06-18-2018 03:45 AM

Hi, Sunflowerlife.

Actually Brain over Binge kick-started my interest in food addiction and binge-eating and gave me a solid basis to build my sugar-free lifestyle on.

But there is one thing I disagree with. In her introduction she says that it was just a habit. It's much more than just a habit. Habits play a very big role in sustaining the addiction though.

I feel really sick today because of all the sugar consumed yesterday.

These sugar-induced symptoms usually go away within 3-4 days.

It's really tough to feel the pain if consequences and withstand temptation to sooth it with food.

On top of that I am waiting for the information about my battle with banks. It heaps a lot of stress on me and surely doesn't help.

But that's a life.

No one promised an easy ride.

Stay strong, friends.

PeacefulWater12 06-18-2018 04:08 AM

My day going well. Food plan going good and I am enjoying it.

venuscat 06-18-2018 05:11 AM

Feeling more positive this morning than I have in months....it is extremely comforting to know that people care about my food issues....for me it is hugely about allergies, and of course about health. Right now, I have aggravated eczema on my arms and I need to work out what I ate last night that I shouldn't have. I will... :)

But after doing our food plan for the week and filling the fridge with healthy greens and all things organic, I feel empowered. I am going to feel BETTER this week....my moods need some serious stabilising and this is going to help.

Love and good morning. ♥

MidnightBlue 06-18-2018 05:30 AM

Sorry about eczema, Venus.

But healthy food will surely help!

ProfessorD 06-18-2018 06:40 AM

I feel bad today, almost like I'm getting sick or like I'm hung over. I have been slightly under on my calories for the last couple of days now. I might take a break from this thread for a while. I think I may be obsessing too much about sugar and diet. I have a lot of anxiety about my body and my sobriety all of a sudden, and I'm not sure where it came from. Sorry to be so negative. Hope everyone has a good day.

venuscat 06-18-2018 06:41 AM

That's not negative at all love....that is you looking after yourself.
And that is the MOST important thing. :hug: ♥

MidnightBlue 06-18-2018 12:02 PM

I've survived through my first day after the relapse.

My biggest psychological issue is that I grew in poverty and when I was 12 years old I went almost a week without food.

And I have kind of emotional fixation - I don't tolerate being hungry, it make me panic.

And I feel like I have this "roving anxiety" if I don't stuff myself extra-full on a regular basis.

When I am at a grocery store I want everything.

Regular healthy meals help a lot with that because when blood sugar is stable and the brain is happy it's easier to apply logic.

But I still need to find the key to make my scared hungry inner child feel secure and happy.

And I am determined to do this.

Hunger is a humiliating experience. I have to leave it in the past and stop leaking into my present.

See you.

Sunflowerlife 06-18-2018 12:56 PM


Originally Posted by venuscat (Post 6929547)
I want to respond to something you said in Weekenders here if that's OK Midnight.....I also do not subscribe to going all-out on sugar when we get sober...in fact, the opposite. We need some sugar, so I made sure I would eat something sweet occasionally, I can't eat a lot of fruit....so maybe one cookie....but to be honest, even that was and still is too much for me.

I am an alcoholic....and a food addict in recovery, and I made the decision to get healthy as well as sober.

I think that's why I am so depressed...I am very very ill here....this climate is no good for me. Not sure how to fix that....how does one adjust one's body to different air? And I feel sick every time I have a coffee because the milk here (even the best organic milk) is not real milk. Not the dairy I am used to.

Sorry....went way off track.

Just reading this one Suze- are there any local farms in your area that you can scope out for raw milk products? I know they are illegal to sell in some states but not all. Maybe it's worth looking into? They sold it in when we lived in PA but you have to really look for it here in Maryland. I didn't realize you were so sick here.

Sunflowerlife 06-18-2018 01:02 PM

Went to a movie and on the drive home I saw a sign by the road that read, "Readings, Crystals, Astrology." Thinking it was a metaphysical shop I made a U-turn and stopped in and I ended up having a Tarot card reading.
She mentioned stuff about my life and marriage and when I asked about the food stuff she said "it's nothing you can't handle- you've overcome bigger addicdtions in the past." She also said it's going to be a gradual change and isn't going to happen in one day. She even used the phrase, "One day at a time..."

It makes this all feel so much lighter. I think putting so much pressure on myself to abstain from compulsive overeating is making things harder. Yes, that is my goal but I am making baby steps to get there. Every binge feels different- every urge is a bit easier and the binges are half the size that they used to be so I take that as an improvement.

I didn't abstain from my trigger foods today and that's okay. I still love myself, no matter what.
Hope everyone is doing okay- I'm sorry so of us are getting triggered it seems. Wish I knew how to help.

venuscat 06-18-2018 01:06 PM


Originally Posted by MidnightBlue (Post 6930683)
I've survived through my first day after the relapse.

My biggest psychological issue is that I grew in poverty and when I was 12 years old I went almost a week without food.

And I have kind of emotional fixation - I don't tolerate being hungry, it make me panic.

And I feel like I have this "roving anxiety" if I don't stuff myself extra-full on a regular basis.

When I am at a grocery store I want everything.

Regular healthy meals help a lot with that because when blood sugar is stable and the brain is happy it's easier to apply logic.

But I still need to find the key to make my scared hungry inner child feel secure and happy.

And I am determined to do this.

Hunger is a humiliating experience. I have to leave it in the past and stop leaking into my present.

See you.

Oh honey...and you said "wow" to my fortitude.....what you have endured. I love you so much.

And I get it.....from the perspective of a Jew who lost family in concentration camps, and studied the Holocaust in detail.....I know the fear of being hungry.

I have heard these same sentiments from many of the older care clients I worked with....and many people I grew up with...it's one of the reasons Jewish people always want their family to eat...eat....

Except I was told over and over that I was born looking like a skinny chicken and that I ate for two years. My grandma thought it was funny....I did not. Do not. I still blame their indulgence on my eating issues...but they weren't to know. They were just happy to have a healthy child.

I am so sorry you went through that darling Midnight....just prouder and prouder to be your friend every day. :hug: ♥

venuscat 06-18-2018 01:09 PM


Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife (Post 6930731)
Went to a movie and on the drive home I saw a sign by the road that read, "Readings, Crystals, Astrology." Thinking it was a metaphysical shop I made a U-turn and stopped in and I ended up having a Tarot card reading.
She mentioned stuff about my life and marriage and when I asked about the food stuff she said "it's nothing you can't handle- you've overcome bigger addicdtions in the past." She also said it's going to be a gradual change and isn't going to happen in one day. She even used the phrase, "One day at a time..."

It makes this all feel so much lighter. I think putting so much pressure on myself to abstain from compulsive overeating is making things harder. Yes, that is my goal but I am making baby steps to get there. Every binge feels different- every urge is a bit easier and the binges are half the size that they used to be so I take that as an improvement.

I didn't abstain from my trigger foods today and that's okay. I still love myself, no matter what.
Hope everyone is doing okay- I'm sorry so of us are getting triggered it seems. Wish I knew how to help.

I love this post. I always think you are so very hard on yourself, although of course I understand this trait... :)

I am unbelievably proud of you.
You and Midnight are the most determined women I have ever known. You are both my heroes. :hug: ♥♥♥

venuscat 06-18-2018 01:11 PM

And ha....we may need to let someone know the thread is over....you can always report the last post if you like and just let them know.... :) :hug: ♥

venuscat 06-18-2018 01:15 PM


Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife (Post 6930724)
Just reading this one Suze- are there any local farms in your area that you can scope out for raw milk products? I know they are illegal to sell in some states but not all. Maybe it's worth looking into? They sold it in when we lived in PA but you have to really look for it here in Maryland. I didn't realize you were so sick here.

I don't know....I don't really know what that means.
But I will find out....I know their are dairy farms you can buy milk from directly, and maybe some of the milk is like old-fashioned milk without all of the preservatives?

It's really the only issue remaining....I/we have sourced everything else....almost. :) :hug:

SoberLeigh 06-18-2018 01:19 PM

I am really late to this thread. I have a true sugar addiction especially in the
form of chocolate and ice cream. I am known to have two large bowls of chocolate many nights. I know that it is so unhealthy butI literally crave it at night. About a week ago,I bought Giradelli chocolate bars with86% cocoa. I started out having three squares a night,found it surprisingly satisfying, and am now down to 1-2 squares.

Cookies and cake are also a big problem. If there is cake in the house, it is gone I notice.

I have been this way all of my life. Often, I am the only one to order dessert.

SoberLeigh 06-18-2018 01:20 PM

Support to all. I have a motif reading to do to catch up


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