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Food Addiction- 24 Hour Thread/Support

Old 06-17-2018, 07:58 AM
  # 481 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue View Post
Hi, guys.

Would you believe I slipped.

Most of you at this thread don't know me but I quit sugar somewhere 5 years ago.

Then all other processed food followed.

I don't eat added sugar, flour, refined carbs, grains, dairy (lots of arguments about this one, of course).

It's a long story how my healthy nutrition way unfolded.

Not in the mood to tell it right after the slip, to be honest.

I haven't read the entire thread, yet.

But the word "restriction" caught my eye.

Of course, there are extremes, but often there is confusion about restriction and discipline.

After a life-long screwed up eating habits the body needs a conscious mind to get back to basics.

As my boy Jocko Willink says "Discipline equals freedom".

Couldn't agree more.

Now about the slip.

Nothing mystical.

My fault completely.

I've got complacent and lost my vigilance.

When a person has no-sugar-no-other crap nutrition habits she wears a huge target on the back.

At every party I have at least one colleague who when noticing I don't eat like 90% of the food there asks "Do you have health problems?".

And lots of people feel like they need to give me their opinion.

"You are too hard on yourself. You are this. You are that. "

Oh, give me a break.

At some point I let this social pressure got under my skin.

"Maybe I am really too hard on myself?"

Since I am not overweight and I work out 5 days a week people can't get why I decided to "deprive" myself of "treats" on my own will.

Anyway.

A week ago I got back from super-crazy and stressful business trip.

On Wednesday I got to the office. I was bored and p****d off at the same time.

Somewhere at lunch time I went for a walk, dropped by a cafe for a cup of coffee, and then (seemingly) out of the blue ordered a three-chocolate cake.

And I just devoured it.

First I was confused: "What the hell was that?".

Then today I went on a legit binge - ice cream and cakes.

Tomorrow I will feel like I am dying.

I know.

That's pretty much it.

I've got it off my chest.

Now it's time to get back to my own values.

Yes. I am hell proud I had enough willpower and guts to consciously choose and foster the healthy lifestyle I am following.

I am not going to "try" to get back on try.

I am throwing the rest of the cakes away right now.

As my another fav no-nonsense guy says ""F**** try. Do".




Jeni!

Synchronisity, darn it!

It was 5 years ago already? WOW!

I have such warm memories about our thread where I was quitting sugar and you were quitting smoking. What a ride!

Do you know I started doing kickboxing about half a year ago?))

Looks like it's time for us to make another kick-arse change.

Sorry you are struggling, but glad you are here.

I missed you, my friend.
MidnightBlue, it's wonderful to have you here. And wow, 5 years? That is so inspiring. I have no doubt that you will do this again - I can feel the fire in your heart. You've got this!
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Old 06-17-2018, 08:00 AM
  # 482 (permalink)  
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I have been giving myself a marble (we have marble "reward jars" in the kitchen) for every hour that I get by without being mean or yelling at the kids and for choosing compassion and kindness. I've gotten 3 marbles so far

I was thinking I could even use the jar for getting through each hour without my trigger foods. I might try it this week!
I am feeling really good today. No cravings in sight. About to make my fatty protein shake and devour it.

Suze, I'm sorry you are not feeling well. That's a lot of memories and emotions I'm sure. Thinking of you today and always...
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Old 06-17-2018, 08:02 AM
  # 483 (permalink)  
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Thank you, Sunflowerlife)
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:19 AM
  # 484 (permalink)  
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Hey my lovelies, I am here, I just feel bad posting because I'm lightyears behind y'all (that sounds funny in an English accent).

I feel I have nothing to contribute of use. Since this thread started, I can see just how damaging this disorder is. I had no idea what I was up against. Now I'm seeing that it is indeed life or death. I feel like I'm dying after this latest binge actually.

I weighed myself. Weight up 3 pounds since yesterday. I normally don't weigh myself when I'm on the way up, but I thought if I forced myself to acknowledge what's happening to my body it would stop me. Couldn't find anything nice to wear that fits and took a photo of myself for the App in the hope it will encourage me. Trouble is that might work for normal people to motivate them. But for me. Oh so many tears. Weight is all round middle section.

Anyway, no breakfast today. I dread starting eating because then I know I won't stop. (I like the idea of protein for breakfast btw and wonder if I should do the continental thing and have cheese and meats and just give up on trying for cereals and milk). Anyway, so no breakfast, off to church ~ felt great, just lots of socialising, then Bam! I'm buying some 'essentials' in the supermarket and eating my whole calories for the day in sugar in the space of 10 minutes in the car on the way home.

Sorry guys. I hadn't realised that this is the alcohol all over again. Get a few hours or days or even a week and then Wham! off again. I wasn't like that with the alcohol, I guess I was so so ill at the end that it gave me a window of opportunity. I see that pattern in other people though, and now I'm doing that with the food. I guess I just didn't see this as so serious.

However, it is and today I had such a sense that the universe is suggesting I stop hurting myself like this, or it will step in and make me. Probably with diabetes or heart disease, or cancer.

And, boy did I have a mood change about 20 minutes after eating that sugar. I won't bore you with the details of the strop and now the moping and misery me! There is NO denying that the food is causing this. I am choosing to ruin my day. I was so happy before and now I literally feel like I am fighting for my life. My heart rate is up, it's difficult to breath, I feel like I'm made of lead. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. It's me.

Also, it was like a trance before, like going in to a narrow tunnel where the focus is on getting food. I used to be like that with the drink. I'd go to the shop like a robot. People on this site saved my life when I started posting what I'd bought and what I was planning to do. Do I have to go to that length to stop the food?

Worse, I've been using myfitnesspal App, so I know afterwards what I've done. This is new behaviour for me. In the past I was either stacking on the pounds. And I can easily put on 10 pounds in a week. Half a stone in a weekend sometimes. Or I'm starving. I've never followed a diet as such. Eat for 5 people or starve it off.

I did scatter some ashes on Friday so there's unresolved pain under the surface. I don't know how to get at it. And if I have to be psychologically well before I can get free of the unhealthy eating cycle, then I'm DOOMED.

Sorry for that lot. Love Weev
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:34 AM
  # 485 (permalink)  
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Yes honey, scattering the ashes would have put you into an emotional spin....so many emotions.
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:42 AM
  # 486 (permalink)  
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Weaver, I'm so sorry. I completely relate to every word: the fear of eating, the body image stuff. Wanting to stick with a "diet" then finding yourself eating all your calories for the day in minutes. I also use myfitness, and I know the feeling of logging it all in and seeing it after a binge. It's a horrible cycle. It is very much like drinking, I think.

I guess I have less sobriety than more people here, so I can't imagine how tiring it is to have finally gotten sober and stable(ish) with alcohol only to face another addiction. But that also means there are a lot of survivors with wisdom to share on this thread. I think we can do it, but it won't be easy.

There is a lot of grief on this thread this morning. Sorry to everyone who has lost someone recently or is reliving a loss on father's day.
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Old 06-17-2018, 09:49 AM
  # 487 (permalink)  
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Weev, when I knew better I did better.

There are many layers to food issues. You've acknowledged it's a problem. You've recognised physical and emotional elements to it. It is a process - more so than with alcohol, but we use it the same way. Dopamine surge = Good. Brain likey.

I've been on Myfitnesspal since almost its beginning. It's a process. Baby steps, and I can't stress enough how important it is to not expect it to all just fall into place. It's difficult.

I lost a pet a month ago. I ate so much non-nutritious snack food during the time he was sick. It didn't set me back for a year, just a couple weeks while I was going through the acute pain. I didn't gain any fat. For me, that's good. I didn't spiral down for months, refuse to step on the scale or stop logging food. It was a blip. Not a hurricane. I didn't drink. I didn't do any other self-destructive things. I just ate some sugary and salty convenience food.

For me it's about holding my weight within a five pound range so I do log food and I do weigh myself. Knowledge is power. Knowing where I am with those numbers is empowering to me - not a reason to hate myself. It gives me a placeholder. Allows me to see the "damage" in real time instead of burying my head in the sand. It's just data. I can adjust my sails.

Progress, not perfection. There was only One who was perfect - and I won't get there, so I just do my best and each day try to sort through it a bit more.
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Old 06-17-2018, 10:07 AM
  # 488 (permalink)  
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Hi, WeaberBird.

Sorry you are struggling right now.

Just to address some of your points quickly.

The weight around midsection right now is mostly water. Don't freak out about this. Carbs tend to hold a lot of water, and since the binge usually a hell load of carbs, there is a lot of water to retain.

Skipping breakfast is not the best idea. I hear you about being afraid to start eating but starvation periods actually reinforce addiction.

Yes, it's like tunnel because the logical-thinking brain is pretty much shut down at the moment. It is thrown out of game and the reward mechanism runs the show.

Yes, the best way is to plan your nutrition, activities, know your triggers, etc. You quit alcohol, you know the drill.

About frustration of facing another addiction after quitting alcohol.

Yes and no.

On one hand, the food addiction is the toughest to get rid of because you can't cut food altogether and danger of food addiction is still very much overlooked in society. We are bombarded with all sort of ads promoting plain junk. Since childhood we associate achievements with sweet rewards.

It just can't be that bad, is it?

Just like quitting alcohol requires gradual rebuilding of lifestyle, the same goes for developing healthy eating habits.

On the other hand I knew that if I managed to un-learn wine-related myths about what is "normal" and what is not, I can do the same with food.

I can think for myself. I can research, explore, experiment. I can see straight.


Beating food addiction requires time, efforts and a lot of heart to protect your values and health.

But it is so worth it. Nothing feels better like reclaiming your own life.

Stay strong.

P.S. I have INSANE sugar cravings. What was I thinking?
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Old 06-17-2018, 10:44 AM
  # 489 (permalink)  
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I just want to thank all who are sharing here--this is one powerful thread and I'm humbled to be here. I'm beyond grateful for the inspiration and honesty.
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Old 06-17-2018, 11:19 AM
  # 490 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by WeaverBird View Post
I don't know how to get at it. And if I have to be psychologically well before I can get free of the unhealthy eating cycle, then I'm DOOMED.
I forgot to address this, and this is a biggie.

You don't have to to get all your psychological and emotional ducks in a row BEFORE you get free of unhealthy eating cycle.

Yes, psychological wounds and emotions often serve like triggers, but it doesn't mean you have to act of them.

You need a legit defense system to disrupt the chain between a trigger and a full-blown binge.

And one more thing.

For me dealing with food addiction is not so much about how much weight I gained or lost.

It's about changing my Identity.

If the mindset is not changing, sooner or later the body will catch up with it.

When I am rationalizing why I need it, I know I am BSing myself.

Just like this time.

Got complacent. Rationalized. Walked right in the trap.

P.S. Still rationalizing possibility to "start tomorrow". Geez.
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Old 06-17-2018, 11:21 AM
  # 491 (permalink)  
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Day of nourishing eating completed. Thoroughly enjoyed my food. Emotions feel good and comfortable. Issues going on with AH but am managing myself well. Am humbly pleased.

Thank you everyone. Amazing sharing and information in this thread.

The biggest thing I am taking from it is that food addiction management is very individual and very personal. Not clear cut abstinence like alcohol.
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Old 06-17-2018, 12:47 PM
  # 492 (permalink)  
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Well done Peaceful Water...

And tomorrow is the day. Iíve made my salad for lunch and will do my usual gym/swim in the way home from work. No obvious sugars for me.

Bring it on...
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Old 06-17-2018, 12:55 PM
  # 493 (permalink)  
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I am with you, Jeni.

All the way.

I need to plan my food too.

I have this voice which tells me "Ah, you can skip planning. You know what to do".

Here's where problems usually start: with skipping basic steps.
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Old 06-17-2018, 01:08 PM
  # 494 (permalink)  
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I plan my food to a T. Our food...a week at a time. I don't get it right, yet, but I have never done this for two people before.....and although I look awful right now, Nick looks fantastic. He is thriving on a much healthier diet....afternoon snack of strawberries blueberries and raspberries....and he is happy....

I just need exercise. I have a treadmill and I need to use it because it is too humid for me to walk.

Thank you for all of your amazing posts....this is a very important thread.
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Old 06-17-2018, 01:20 PM
  # 495 (permalink)  
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Maybe, some upbeat music or good audiobook or podcast will make it easier to spend some time on a treadmill, Venus?

Start with 10 minutes, then add up by little bit.

Inches add up)
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Old 06-17-2018, 02:00 PM
  # 496 (permalink)  
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Wow thank you for reading my windy post. I am so grateful that you all recognise what I'm writing about. Knowing you are there is priceless.

I love all your different voices. It's beautiful.

I talked to the pastor at church tonight and felt a weight lift off my heart. So, onwards together my tribe.

Love and prayers for you all
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Old 06-17-2018, 02:05 PM
  # 497 (permalink)  
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Thank you all for helping me to get through the rest of this day.

Cravings subsided.

I am about to call it a day.

See you)
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Old 06-17-2018, 02:05 PM
  # 498 (permalink)  
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Gosh you are beautiful weev.....

No problems or motivation needed for me to get on the treadmill....just time and making sure that the blinds are down and an extra fan on so it's not boiling up there. Nick is on it...the room is cooling off as we speak.
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Old 06-17-2018, 02:05 PM
  # 499 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue View Post
Thank you all for helping me to get through the rest of this day.

Cravings subsided.

I am about to call it a day.

See you)
Nite love.... massive hugs ♥♥
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Old 06-17-2018, 03:58 PM
  # 500 (permalink)  
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So, I'm going to stop posting in this thread.

I've spent years and tens of thousands of posts talking about this stuff on Myfitnesspal (there is a forum on there, too.) Honestly, I've worked through this and don't want to jump back in to it again - I have an unconventional, Non 12-Step, Non food-abstinence system that works for my goals and for my particular life.

I have no desire to abstain and not eat certain foods and make it into some big thing that I don't feel like it needs to be. That just ramps up my anxiety and all-or-nothing perfectionist thinking. It's only food. I get good nutrition. I don't get extra points for eating a certain way once I've gotten my basic nutrition needs met.

I wish you all the very best.
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