What is wrong with me? Why don't I just stop?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
It's not out of nowhere. It's out of your addiction to alcohol.
You're missing some steps between the thought of having a single drink, and having 10 drinks. The most important one I discovered is the one where I recognize that the alcoholic living in my head is lying about having a single drink. It's also lying about anything else it's telling me about alcohol. It tells some pretty appealing stories...things I want to hear...but they're all lies.
I quit taking advice from a known liar and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.
You can do this!
You're missing some steps between the thought of having a single drink, and having 10 drinks. The most important one I discovered is the one where I recognize that the alcoholic living in my head is lying about having a single drink. It's also lying about anything else it's telling me about alcohol. It tells some pretty appealing stories...things I want to hear...but they're all lies.
I quit taking advice from a known liar and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.
You can do this!
My husband has the same problem with binge drinking, only I think I am worse. I think it makes it harder because when one of us caves, the other one does too. He knows we should stop, but I don't think he realizes how truly big of a problem this is.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
For 25 years I hoped God would remove my maladaptive appetite for alcohol. I thought that's how it worked. I thought I was going to wake up one morning and I would never want to drink again.
That never happened.
Things didn't start to get better for me until I had done a lot of work - on me.
You've told us the things you aren't willing to do to stay sober. That's OK (for now) - there's no guarantee that was your sober path anyhow. But...what ARE you willing to do? We've talked about the problem long enough. Let's talk about the solution.
That never happened.
Things didn't start to get better for me until I had done a lot of work - on me.
You've told us the things you aren't willing to do to stay sober. That's OK (for now) - there's no guarantee that was your sober path anyhow. But...what ARE you willing to do? We've talked about the problem long enough. Let's talk about the solution.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I know I "couldn't" do AA for a long time - one thing I finally had an AHA moment about was that people began seeing me drunk- and that was ok, but seeing me in AA? Somehow shameful. Once I saw that thinking for just one example of how screwy all of my thinking was.....things began to change.
No one can make you do a program, and most of us had all kinds of reasons (I'm a private person, I'm high functioning, whatever lines we used in our heads) not to take action to get well. But, thats what we have to do. Make a plan- whatever your choice is and AA is one but not the only option- and take action to stop and learn to stay that way.
It's much better on the sober side and I began to find that out as soon as I gave up all the reasons I "couldn't" quit. Best to you.
No one can make you do a program, and most of us had all kinds of reasons (I'm a private person, I'm high functioning, whatever lines we used in our heads) not to take action to get well. But, thats what we have to do. Make a plan- whatever your choice is and AA is one but not the only option- and take action to stop and learn to stay that way.
It's much better on the sober side and I began to find that out as soon as I gave up all the reasons I "couldn't" quit. Best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by August252015
I know I "couldn't" do AA for a long time - one thing I finally had an AHA moment about was that people began seeing me drunk- and that was ok, but seeing me in AA? Somehow shameful. Once I saw that thinking for just one example of how screwy all of my thinking was.....things began to change.
No one can make you do a program, and most of us had all kinds of reasons (I'm a private person, I'm high functioning, whatever lines we used in our heads) not to take action to get well. But, thats what we have to do. Make a plan- whatever your choice is and AA is one but not the only option- and take action to stop and learn to stay that way.
It's much better on the sober side and I began to find that out as soon as I gave up all the reasons I "couldn't" quit. Best to you.
No one can make you do a program, and most of us had all kinds of reasons (I'm a private person, I'm high functioning, whatever lines we used in our heads) not to take action to get well. But, thats what we have to do. Make a plan- whatever your choice is and AA is one but not the only option- and take action to stop and learn to stay that way.
It's much better on the sober side and I began to find that out as soon as I gave up all the reasons I "couldn't" quit. Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
A thought and realisation occured to me a few days ago. It's actually easier to fight off drink cravings and pull through the mud of recovery of early days. As opposed too living upto the extreme stress of a binge drinking life.
If your tough enough to function on binge drinking then your definitely tough enough to fight cravings.
If your tough enough to function on binge drinking then your definitely tough enough to fight cravings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I dunno. Turned out my alcoholism stayed much more anonymous when I was sober and in a program than when I couldn't stay sober on my own and kept getting drunk.
Do you know who goes to your local AA meeting YCDT2?
BB
Do you know who goes to your local AA meeting YCDT2?
BB
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,953
OP, I would suggest you read "Alcohol explained" by William porter. It is only a couple of dollars on Amazon Kindle version. Remember this - every time you give into cravings, you are making it one step harder for yourself to be free from it.
The reason is, the brain creates neural pathways and keeps strengthening the connections which make us to drink. If we do not, the brain creates anxiety/stress so the habit can continue. The only way is we will have the 'unlearn' this dangerous habit by doing different things instead of drinking when the AV starts bugging.
Please do not lose yourself by giving in. As much as we would like, cravings are only a minor discomfort and can be overcome by compartmentalizing them as separate from us. Just smile at them and watch them pass - Do NOT give in. They will order, negotiate and beg. If we do no feed them they will go away and give us a rush of relief.
Personally, I am on Day 14 and still get surrounded by swarms of cravings during wine o clock. I come here for support during those difficult times and ask for permission. Hope this is of some help.
The reason is, the brain creates neural pathways and keeps strengthening the connections which make us to drink. If we do not, the brain creates anxiety/stress so the habit can continue. The only way is we will have the 'unlearn' this dangerous habit by doing different things instead of drinking when the AV starts bugging.
Please do not lose yourself by giving in. As much as we would like, cravings are only a minor discomfort and can be overcome by compartmentalizing them as separate from us. Just smile at them and watch them pass - Do NOT give in. They will order, negotiate and beg. If we do no feed them they will go away and give us a rush of relief.
Personally, I am on Day 14 and still get surrounded by swarms of cravings during wine o clock. I come here for support during those difficult times and ask for permission. Hope this is of some help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by calmself
OP, I would suggest you read "Alcohol explained" by William porter. It is only a couple of dollars on Amazon Kindle version. Remember this - every time you give into cravings, you are making it one step harder for yourself to be free from it.
The reason is, the brain creates neural pathways and keeps strengthening the connections which make us to drink. If we do not, the brain creates anxiety/stress so the habit can continue. The only way is we will have the 'unlearn' this dangerous habit by doing different things instead of drinking when the AV starts bugging.
Please do not lose yourself by giving in. As much as we would like, cravings are only a minor discomfort and can be overcome by compartmentalizing them as separate from us. Just smile at them and watch them pass - Do NOT give in. They will order, negotiate and beg. If we do no feed them they will go away and give us a rush of relief.
Personally, I am on Day 14 and still get surrounded by swarms of cravings during wine o clock. I come here for support during those difficult times and ask for permission. Hope this is of some help.
The reason is, the brain creates neural pathways and keeps strengthening the connections which make us to drink. If we do not, the brain creates anxiety/stress so the habit can continue. The only way is we will have the 'unlearn' this dangerous habit by doing different things instead of drinking when the AV starts bugging.
Please do not lose yourself by giving in. As much as we would like, cravings are only a minor discomfort and can be overcome by compartmentalizing them as separate from us. Just smile at them and watch them pass - Do NOT give in. They will order, negotiate and beg. If we do no feed them they will go away and give us a rush of relief.
Personally, I am on Day 14 and still get surrounded by swarms of cravings during wine o clock. I come here for support during those difficult times and ask for permission. Hope this is of some help.
I think because I can go for a while without drinking, I stupidly think "well...its been a month, I can just have one now" and then its all over with and its back to every weekend.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by YCDT2
I live in a small town and I can't let anyone know I have this problem.
AA on the other hand, is 100% private.
Keep in mind every time you walk in those doors to get booze, people are talking, with no obligation to stay quiet. AA? Not a word said.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,339
Remember the ‘ignore’ feature on these forums and in Your head!
Thank you tecInk. and gettingsmarter and calmself !!
YCDT2. Please, please most of us are non judgemental and support you rather than judge you. There is no one particular way or means that shows others whether you are ‘serious’ or not.
I do not go to AA and fully believe I don’t need to in order to ignore the AV (alcohol/addictive voice). I too need my anonymity and don’t desire exposure in my community. I also believe it really works for a lot of people. It’s all in the power of belief. I say, whatever works and different strokes for different strokes.
Gettingsmarter, I clicked the link and really LIKE it! In the United States we are told we have a disease with alcohol addiction.
I never had a 12 step program to help me stop smoking and I did that 30 and 1/2 years ago!
I do love this SR community and appreciate all of you.
Free
YCDT2. Please, please most of us are non judgemental and support you rather than judge you. There is no one particular way or means that shows others whether you are ‘serious’ or not.
I do not go to AA and fully believe I don’t need to in order to ignore the AV (alcohol/addictive voice). I too need my anonymity and don’t desire exposure in my community. I also believe it really works for a lot of people. It’s all in the power of belief. I say, whatever works and different strokes for different strokes.
Gettingsmarter, I clicked the link and really LIKE it! In the United States we are told we have a disease with alcohol addiction.
I never had a 12 step program to help me stop smoking and I did that 30 and 1/2 years ago!
I do love this SR community and appreciate all of you.
Free
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Location: New York
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by Forward12
Small towns are well aware that you are the one keeping their booze business going.
AA on the other hand, is 100% private.
Keep in mind every time you walk in those doors to get booze, people are talking, with no obligation to stay quiet. AA? Not a word said.
AA on the other hand, is 100% private.
Keep in mind every time you walk in those doors to get booze, people are talking, with no obligation to stay quiet. AA? Not a word said.
I understand AA is something that works for a lot of people. It just is not for me, so I would appreciate that people stop pushing it on me. Any other suggestions are welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,409
Alcoholics can’t stop or stay stopped. There is a solution however of total abstinence, recovery program (AA works) and a new freedom and happiness. The program of AA is what keeps me sober not meetings. I do attend meetings however but not to keep me sober per se.
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