exlibris

Yes, I think you should. Congats on Day 4!!!!

It's so wonderful when they add up! Each day just keeps getting better!

There are still plenty of problems in life, but nothing makes a problem worse than if you're not sober.

I don't know how many times I've avoided dealing with issues by getting drunk. The problems were still there the next morning and on top of that I had to deal with them with a hang-over!

Congrats again!

Ama

Gee thanks - tried the ole sleep thing but just too noisy here....

Gosh you dont just sound like an adult, but, actually, think you started to look like one toooo :-) (tell me this aint more DTs - pleeeeze)

And yes there is loads and loads of hurt out there for all of us - but one thing I do know is that ordinary people have problems too - they just dont escape into bottles to solve them. The world is not in a conspiracy against us!
(Think my kids are though sometimes - Mum in detox, so son and girlfriend above my room "at it", and below a mini sleep over - hence could get to sleep)

Hope you all have a peaceful night!

exlibris

Actually I've been changing my picture alot and signature alot. Yesterday was somewhat difficult - wife left on business so it was really the last time I was going to see her - so my mind was racing all over the place. So it's not the DT's!

What's good though, is I woke up today after a good night's sleep - sorry you didn't have one - with the conviction that I'm just going to focus on putting this all behind me. I'm going to finish packing today so when I leave next Saturday all I have to do is load the u-haul - which I'll do Friday night - and hop on Interstate 84 and head east. Should take 5 days to reach New Jersey. ***** Maps said it would take about 45 hours of driving.

This is certainly an interesting time in my life. But I'm also glad.

Being back in New Jersey means I can take the train into New York City and walk through Central Park, visit the Met, go to poetry readings at the 92nd street YMCA. I can take weekends in New England. I can do all the things I missed.

I hope you get some sleep and take it easy today. I'm sure I'll be off and on this site all day today.

Richard

Time2Surrender

Hey Richard,Im glad to hear you are hanging in there.You have a safe trip.

Ama

Thank the Lord for that :-)

I did sleep eventually around 04:30 until 10:30 so that is pretty good and it was those cute little singing sparrows that woke me Opus Day!

I was totally co-depentant on my Ex. God but I had to do sooo much work on that. It is soooo darned hard to say Goodbye when such finality is attached. I am so happy that your separation sounds amicable - that will help in the days and months ahead. I felt like my heart had been packed with three million tonnes of semtex and had been blown to smithereens! But time and distance do heal and certainly keeping busy will be an added distraction.

For reasons that are completely unclear to me, positive actions result in new opportunities. Your heart is open so with the right attitude and surrounded by your family, you will take the alternative route of THRIVE instead of the old ways of surviving. Gosh I do wish you every happiness in your new enlightened life!

Did get some sleep and for an insomniac I promise that over 6 hours is pure heaven. Doing the Bubbly Bath now so will look after myself. As long as I am writing etc I am fine because it is endorsing my acceptance that I am an alcoholic and guess what!!!! Its getting easier and easier. And going to a meeting tonight. Wont be able to share though yet as I am not ready but hope I am doing it here.

Do stay tuned in cause you and all are a tremendous help and it is sooooo encouraging to hear you moving ahead....not sideways.....not back!!!!

Luvs and a Big Cuggles too - Ama

exlibris

Ama!

First I want to thank you for helping me so much! Perhaps it's the Irish blood in me - last name Kelly. My ancestors came to America in the early 1900's from Clare and Longford and settled in New York City.

But, I posted on another thread that there's always one line that someone posts that really sticks out and helps me so much.

You are so right! I was just surviving - not thriving. And I knew that I could never be the person I wanted to be - the person I truly am, in this relationship.

Everyone needs to thrive. Everyone deserves to thrive.

Thanks again for your post.

Richard

Ama

Funny day - read alot last night and decided that I would just be positive today and look at all the good things that are happening to me. Meeting wonderful new people who are helping me so much - Cannot explain how much - antedote to the cravings completely! My business partner just mailed me and told me he loves me too and to remember that the kids are wonderful and do too?????


With ancestry in the wild wild west of Ireland sure tis no wonder at all your the way you are :-) But truely do put Clare on your list of places to see. Quite quite beautiful. I brought my children there only this August and it was stunningly beautiful. We stayed at a hotel for a family wedding and took extra days too. Now as for Longford - welllllll that is another matter hahahahaha


I have done this to quite an extra-ordinary extent during my periods of sobriety. Truely amazing things have happened and I have thrived. A book that helped me in this is called "Fearless Living" by Rhona Britton and perhaps it would help you too???

It also takes less work to thrive than it does to merely survive which is quite surprising. I am just going to pick up all the good pieces and weave a beautiful tapestry......it had unravelled slightly you see but it can be mended! But YES we all deserve to THRIVE!!!! at last...

But today I can admit I am an alcoholic and that is so far forward that I am content alone with that for today. And I know I wont drink today because I will put the steps in place. It is ultimately my choice and my decision at the end of the day to pick up every first drink that I have in the past and pray wont ever again. There is soo much life to be lived - so much good to give back - and abundance!

The sky has now turned dark here, midnight purples and darkest of blues but my heart is light. Children are well fed - house still needs a load done but at least its started. There are many challenges ahead and I will fly out next Friday alone to sign up the contracts with our first two clients. (New Business eekk) so that will be big but you have that to face too! A whole new life ahead!

I still cannot understand why this last disasterous horrid disgusting appauling tragic binge didnt kill everything including me. My poor ole Guardian Angel is worn out so time to give him a break and those I love.... Luvs Ama

Ama

Just got Day 5 - That is good enough for me......

Thank you for your support as it is so greatly appreciated!

Went to a meeting tonight and it has helped enormously - do you go????

Anyway, I do hope your day is going well too! My house is looking an awful lot better in so short a time and so am I apparently! Another little miracle.

Luvs Ama

exlibris

Actually, I don't go to meetings but I really think I should. I don't feel like drinking but going through this divorce has really put a strain on me. My mind is bouncing all over the place and I can't seem to concentrate at all.

I do see a therapist on a weekly basis - this last week two times and another this Tuesday.

I just so much to do this week with work and putting all this closure on the marriage, packing, etc.

I am absolutely shocked, to be honest with you, that there hasn't been any cravings for alcohol. I'm not letting my guard down but I'm still surprised.

I guess I'm just trying to stay positive for the future.

I'm even toying with the idea of getting my Masters in Education and becoming a teacher. Maybe my English degree won't go to waste after all!

I'm quite fond of Yeats, you know!

Ama

God Love you.....Each man to his own. Divorce must be awful and I still have to do that bit and am not looking forward to it. But I do know the mind bouncing thing all toooooo well. You sound so focused - well done!!

If that is what works for you that is great! I could probably do with one every single day of the week......

You certainly do and it will keep you very occupied indeed. But I think that it may not really have hit you as it has all happened so very fast.

Remember and capture those moments as you may need to remember how well you have done in the future and it will give you strength.

Deos taht mean that I hvae to splel and wirte propelry???? Ah shucks! Seriously if that is your hearts desire I would say go for it. I only got notification that I actually had my degree two weeks ago. Still slightly stunned to be honest and my graduation ceremony is next April so Mum and Dad are putting on a bit of a do as they are delighted.

The world is now your oyster and yes BE who you truely want to be. That is how you will really thrive! I am setting off on a new (ad)venture too. Quite scary indeed as the company proper has not yet been incorporated and yet I am signing up the new clients next week in London. Really need the head straight for that I assure you and also as I am doing alot of on-site software synchronisation stuff too whilst there. This is a funny ole life indeed! But we are both sober!

But now...... I shall arise and go now......and go to Inisfree....(or the Leaba(Bed) as it is known as Gaelige) :

Luvs Ama

exlibris

That's amazing! I was thinking about the Lake Isle of Innisfree when I wrote down Yeats! I love that poem! That brought such a smile to my face! Thank you so much!!!!! I really needed that tonight.

I've packed my Yeats away and I'm not sure what box it's in. I shall have to find it online.

exlibris

Found it!

I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow, 5
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore; 10
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

William Butler Yeats

Ama

Its beautiful isnt it? My favourite poem is "Refusal to Mourn"....You tell me who wrote it : I will wait for 5 to see how fast you are!

Yes you will have to do that Masters indeed.

Hope You and all have a good and peaceful night and not quite clay and wattles for me but the Leaba! Luvs Ama

exlibris

That's easy! Dylan Thomas.

Came back after reading some stuff on Hermetic Society

Ama

Hint - DT hahahaha

exlibris

Beat ya by three minutes!

Ama

Sorry but I have a mad Irish sense of humour and it was of course a pun on the whole DT thing but I do actually love the poem!!!

Go for that Masters Mister Kelly!

exlibris

Ama!!!

You have really made my day! Thank you so much.

Now I shall go and make some lentil soup for dinner.

Have a great night in case I don't come on later.

You're the best!

Richard

Cindi

I'm a Thoreau girl myself!

Ama

I think Cindi is also pretty cool because his second name was David afterall!!!! (H)DT ;-)
But has to be said that both Yeats and Thomas being Irish/English poets per se; that a certain amount of literary snobbery exists and hence the American poets are not studied or concentrated on this side of the ocean very much :-(

I am 5 days + now!!!!! Hope all are well too!

Luvs Ama