What A Day!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Field Ontario
Posts: 1
Praying for you
I think she has only proven that whether you drink or not shes not the one for you -- Stay on track you can do this jonesey456d******.ca
The Serenity Plus Plan
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
Thanks Mike in Michelle for the prayers.
I finally got some sleep today and am feeling so much better.
My wife and I have figured out all the financial stuff and it has worked out really well for both of us. There's still some debt, but everything is lining up really well.
I told my boss that I was leaving and told her my situation. She is so great! She offered to let me stay with her husband and kids until I was ready to leave. How many bosses do that!
She asked me to stay working one more week, mainly because of my emotional state and also her husband through the same thing in a previous divorce, and then I would officially be laid off. That was coming soon anyway because the company is closing, but at least I'll get unemployment. So I said yes.
What is so bizarre, everything is just falling in place to make this divorce as good as it can be. Guess my HP is looking out for the both of us.
Thanks for all your help and prayers eveyone.
What is so cool is that even by working another week, I can still make it back to NJ for Thanksgiving and I'll also be in a better emotional state to drive across the country.
I finally got some sleep today and am feeling so much better.
My wife and I have figured out all the financial stuff and it has worked out really well for both of us. There's still some debt, but everything is lining up really well.
I told my boss that I was leaving and told her my situation. She is so great! She offered to let me stay with her husband and kids until I was ready to leave. How many bosses do that!
She asked me to stay working one more week, mainly because of my emotional state and also her husband through the same thing in a previous divorce, and then I would officially be laid off. That was coming soon anyway because the company is closing, but at least I'll get unemployment. So I said yes.
What is so bizarre, everything is just falling in place to make this divorce as good as it can be. Guess my HP is looking out for the both of us.
Thanks for all your help and prayers eveyone.
What is so cool is that even by working another week, I can still make it back to NJ for Thanksgiving and I'll also be in a better emotional state to drive across the country.
PACKER FAN
Join Date: May 2004
Location: DAGGETT MI
Posts: 14
Hey Guy Tough Day,
When I Was Sober Before , The Hardest Thing For Me Was That I Still Had Problems, I Still Got Tired, And Still Depressed. I Wish Everything Would Just Be Wonderful With Sobiety, But We Still Live In A Hard World.
Dont Let It Get You. You Came So Far, And Starting Over Sucks. I Know Im Doing That Today.
Good Luck And Keep The Faith
Diana
When I Was Sober Before , The Hardest Thing For Me Was That I Still Had Problems, I Still Got Tired, And Still Depressed. I Wish Everything Would Just Be Wonderful With Sobiety, But We Still Live In A Hard World.
Dont Let It Get You. You Came So Far, And Starting Over Sucks. I Know Im Doing That Today.
Good Luck And Keep The Faith
Diana
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: minneapolis minnesota
Posts: 5
I have a friend that always reminds me YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!!! I think she means that there is hope.
I am divorced and what an opportunity it became for me. I finished grad school, got into physical shape, and just plain got back in touch. My husband was a controlling sex addict. We can grow through and in anything. Your HP seems to be holding you just right.
I am divorced and what an opportunity it became for me. I finished grad school, got into physical shape, and just plain got back in touch. My husband was a controlling sex addict. We can grow through and in anything. Your HP seems to be holding you just right.
The Serenity Plus Plan
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
Thanks all. Today was a pretty good day. Said goodbye to a couple of friends which was hard, but we'll stay in touch.
Also saw my terapist day and I came to this great revelation.
I come from an alcoholic family - my father was an alcoholic. So I never had that type of home as a child that I always wanted and yearned for. The ideal home where you feel safe, where you can be yourself, where can just wrap yourself up in a big warm blanket.
I stayed in this relationship this long with my wife because this was my ideal home, even though it wasn't. I just wanted it so badly I was willing to compromise my goals, my dreams and aspirations to stay in this false ideal home.
So the revelation was that I was not leaving this ideal home I always wanted,
but my wife and I were separating because it was just our time.
It's more complicated than that, but that's the best way to explain it without going on forever.
And yes, Ohwatagoism, I really am looking at this as an opportunity.
It's getting alittle better each day!
Also saw my terapist day and I came to this great revelation.
I come from an alcoholic family - my father was an alcoholic. So I never had that type of home as a child that I always wanted and yearned for. The ideal home where you feel safe, where you can be yourself, where can just wrap yourself up in a big warm blanket.
I stayed in this relationship this long with my wife because this was my ideal home, even though it wasn't. I just wanted it so badly I was willing to compromise my goals, my dreams and aspirations to stay in this false ideal home.
So the revelation was that I was not leaving this ideal home I always wanted,
but my wife and I were separating because it was just our time.
It's more complicated than that, but that's the best way to explain it without going on forever.
And yes, Ohwatagoism, I really am looking at this as an opportunity.
It's getting alittle better each day!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by exlibris
... saw my terapist ... The ideal home where you feel safe, where you can be yourself, where can just wrap yourself up in a big warm blanket.
Originally Posted by exlibris
... I just wanted it so badly I was willing to compromise ...
Originally Posted by exlibris
... It's more complicated than that, but that's the best way to explain it without going on forever.
Originally Posted by exlibris
... I really am looking at this as an opportunity....
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 30
[.
I come from an alcoholic family - my father was an alcoholic. So I never had that type of home as a child that I always wanted and yearned for. The ideal home where you feel safe, where you can be yourself, where can just wrap yourself up in a big warm blanket.
I stayed in this relationship this long with my wife because this was my ideal home, even though it wasn't. I just wanted it so badly I was willing to compromise my goals, my dreams and aspirations to stay in this false ideal home.
So the revelation was that I was not leaving this ideal home I always wanted,
but my wife and I were separating because it was just our time.
It's more complicated than that, but that's the best way to explain it without going on forever.
And yes, Ohwatagoism, I really am looking at this as an opportunity.
It's getting alittle better each day![/QUOTE]
I know exactly how you feel, my father was a Workaholic/Alcoholic but extremely highly functioning. I think that's why I married my ex-Husband, I saw a higly functioning athlete, who treated me like a Princess (at first) and thought he would finally give me all the love I lacked as a little girl (unfortunate his DOC was Women-mine became drinking) LOL. Well, at the age of 30 now, I realize that until I love myself no one else will. It's not our fault for the way we were raised and treated, we did not have control over that and I still get SOOO Angry sometimes. I struggle daily with the hurt and anger and it makes me so mad when people tell me to "just get over it". I don't think I ever will.
I come from an alcoholic family - my father was an alcoholic. So I never had that type of home as a child that I always wanted and yearned for. The ideal home where you feel safe, where you can be yourself, where can just wrap yourself up in a big warm blanket.
I stayed in this relationship this long with my wife because this was my ideal home, even though it wasn't. I just wanted it so badly I was willing to compromise my goals, my dreams and aspirations to stay in this false ideal home.
So the revelation was that I was not leaving this ideal home I always wanted,
but my wife and I were separating because it was just our time.
It's more complicated than that, but that's the best way to explain it without going on forever.
And yes, Ohwatagoism, I really am looking at this as an opportunity.
It's getting alittle better each day![/QUOTE]
I know exactly how you feel, my father was a Workaholic/Alcoholic but extremely highly functioning. I think that's why I married my ex-Husband, I saw a higly functioning athlete, who treated me like a Princess (at first) and thought he would finally give me all the love I lacked as a little girl (unfortunate his DOC was Women-mine became drinking) LOL. Well, at the age of 30 now, I realize that until I love myself no one else will. It's not our fault for the way we were raised and treated, we did not have control over that and I still get SOOO Angry sometimes. I struggle daily with the hurt and anger and it makes me so mad when people tell me to "just get over it". I don't think I ever will.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Ah gosh - lonely is a horrible land - mine is gone 3 years now.....- tears are necessary! Thank you for your replies to me - I am still in the DTs - shaking like hell - dont come to a place I am in at the moment.....You should see the state of me - You just dont want to be in my place......Be strong and admitting you feel low is strength! I know cause I have been pretending tooo long U C!!!!
The Serenity Plus Plan
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
I know what you mean Cindi when you say you feel angry when people say just get over it. It's hard.
But for me, the one good thing that has come out the the relationship with my now ex-wife (that sounds weird), is that today I'm feeling alot stronger. In the beginning of the week, I was an emotional mess. Yesterday, we signed the papers and had them notarized and once I did that, it was like a weight was lifted from me. I can't explain it. I thought I would start balling my eyes out or something. Last night for the first time, in I don't know how long, I actually slept through the night without waking up. As each day, week, month went on, I knew this wasn't the right realtionship. She is a wonderful, wonderful woman, but she's just not right for me. I knew that for a long time, but frankly, I just didn't want to be alone. She upstairs right now getting ready to leave on a business trip. It's probably the last time I'll see her. She'll be in Oregon and me in NJ. Will I miss her? You bet. Will I miss another five years of being unhappy? No.
The biggest thing I'm taking away from this is something you mentioned. You have to love yourself first. At 40, this is the turning point in my life. At 40, I know that alcohol is no longer an option (knew that for awhile). At 40, I realize that I have to take care of my body and mind by exercising and eating healthy. At 40, I realize that I cannot compromise on not having kids - I want them. At 40, I know I want to be around my family - all in NJ. And most of all, I realize that only I can wrap myself in that warm blanket I wanted as a child.
But for me, the one good thing that has come out the the relationship with my now ex-wife (that sounds weird), is that today I'm feeling alot stronger. In the beginning of the week, I was an emotional mess. Yesterday, we signed the papers and had them notarized and once I did that, it was like a weight was lifted from me. I can't explain it. I thought I would start balling my eyes out or something. Last night for the first time, in I don't know how long, I actually slept through the night without waking up. As each day, week, month went on, I knew this wasn't the right realtionship. She is a wonderful, wonderful woman, but she's just not right for me. I knew that for a long time, but frankly, I just didn't want to be alone. She upstairs right now getting ready to leave on a business trip. It's probably the last time I'll see her. She'll be in Oregon and me in NJ. Will I miss her? You bet. Will I miss another five years of being unhappy? No.
The biggest thing I'm taking away from this is something you mentioned. You have to love yourself first. At 40, this is the turning point in my life. At 40, I know that alcohol is no longer an option (knew that for awhile). At 40, I realize that I have to take care of my body and mind by exercising and eating healthy. At 40, I realize that I cannot compromise on not having kids - I want them. At 40, I know I want to be around my family - all in NJ. And most of all, I realize that only I can wrap myself in that warm blanket I wanted as a child.
The Serenity Plus Plan
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
Ama, trust me, I know exactly what you're going through. I kept reading posts and people were saying to hold on it gets better and I was like "Sure it does - NOT!" But it really does.
What I did was to take a digital picture of me on the first day I quit and just inserted it into a word document and kept a diary. Each day a new picture and new diary entry. When ever I felt like I was going to drink, I would go back to day 1 and look and my picture and the diary entry.
When ever I would look at the picture I would say to myself, "Who the f*** is that?" And then read the entry and know what it was like.
For me, as an alcoholic, just trying to remember what it was like when I woke and said "I can't do this anymore!" "I hate myself!" was hard when that little voice came into my head and said "You're feeling so much better now. You've proved that you can stop. You've had a bad day at work. Have just a couple to wind down"
When I see that picture of Day 1, I never want to go back to that.
Any kind of picture would work, it doesn't have to be digital, but boy it sure did help me.
Hang in there!
What I did was to take a digital picture of me on the first day I quit and just inserted it into a word document and kept a diary. Each day a new picture and new diary entry. When ever I felt like I was going to drink, I would go back to day 1 and look and my picture and the diary entry.
When ever I would look at the picture I would say to myself, "Who the f*** is that?" And then read the entry and know what it was like.
For me, as an alcoholic, just trying to remember what it was like when I woke and said "I can't do this anymore!" "I hate myself!" was hard when that little voice came into my head and said "You're feeling so much better now. You've proved that you can stop. You've had a bad day at work. Have just a couple to wind down"
When I see that picture of Day 1, I never want to go back to that.
Any kind of picture would work, it doesn't have to be digital, but boy it sure did help me.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
You just reminded me of a picture that does exist....My Dad took me out of my husbands "care" and back home, photographed me, just before I was put into treatment 5 years ago......I had also been a bit beaten up so abit like now really!
At the time I was on a cocktail from hell itself....diagnosed with depression following a car accident.....didnt actually want tabs but there was the 60mg of Dalmain for sleeping at night (actually forced on me by Mr Ex himself) + bottle of White wine and a few large gins + Lexotan 10mg (to be taken as required and my ex thought I required ALOT) + Seroxat 60mg daily......
Forgot that - but you see I blamed it on the tabs and not the drink.....all the medications I was on were prescribed and after a week in the hosp they told me (and Mum and Dad) that I had a benzodiazapene pharmacological dependancy and would I agree to come off them. I agreed immediately and they reduced the Seroxat aswell....they put me on the Alcohol programme twice but I was in heavy medication withdrawl so it was of zero benefit as I wasnt in this world if you know what I mean. Eventually they diagnosed me as Bi-Polar so that has been my cop out along with co-dependancy on my ex-husband.
The photo is horrendous - ugly beyond belief - and yet I had passport photos taken last week and apparently looked terrific......but what I did to myself in the last week of drinking is actually unbelieveable....back to the old photo! Thanks for that - Need to remember - Still shaking and probably talking nonsense but have been in denial and deceiving myself for so very long so I just must get real and honest and keep writing I am an alcoholic and go through this horrible physical pain with NO LIBRIUM (was given a 30 day course and the end of Sept and sleepers) so cold turkey it has to be for me and I really know that......Thank You!!!!
s and I need everyone now as I am having a real bad children day.......
At the time I was on a cocktail from hell itself....diagnosed with depression following a car accident.....didnt actually want tabs but there was the 60mg of Dalmain for sleeping at night (actually forced on me by Mr Ex himself) + bottle of White wine and a few large gins + Lexotan 10mg (to be taken as required and my ex thought I required ALOT) + Seroxat 60mg daily......
Forgot that - but you see I blamed it on the tabs and not the drink.....all the medications I was on were prescribed and after a week in the hosp they told me (and Mum and Dad) that I had a benzodiazapene pharmacological dependancy and would I agree to come off them. I agreed immediately and they reduced the Seroxat aswell....they put me on the Alcohol programme twice but I was in heavy medication withdrawl so it was of zero benefit as I wasnt in this world if you know what I mean. Eventually they diagnosed me as Bi-Polar so that has been my cop out along with co-dependancy on my ex-husband.
The photo is horrendous - ugly beyond belief - and yet I had passport photos taken last week and apparently looked terrific......but what I did to myself in the last week of drinking is actually unbelieveable....back to the old photo! Thanks for that - Need to remember - Still shaking and probably talking nonsense but have been in denial and deceiving myself for so very long so I just must get real and honest and keep writing I am an alcoholic and go through this horrible physical pain with NO LIBRIUM (was given a 30 day course and the end of Sept and sleepers) so cold turkey it has to be for me and I really know that......Thank You!!!!
s and I need everyone now as I am having a real bad children day.......
The Serenity Plus Plan
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
There's a book I used tho help me get through some of the physical aspects of withdrawal.
"Seven Weeks to Sobriety: The Proven Program to Fight Alcoholism Through Nutrition" by Joan Mathews Larson, PhD
Here's a link to Amazon.com where you can read reviews posted by people if you scroll down some.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...405926-2250268
I hope the link works, if not just go to Amazon.com and type in the book's title.
I hope it helps
"Seven Weeks to Sobriety: The Proven Program to Fight Alcoholism Through Nutrition" by Joan Mathews Larson, PhD
Here's a link to Amazon.com where you can read reviews posted by people if you scroll down some.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...405926-2250268
I hope the link works, if not just go to Amazon.com and type in the book's title.
I hope it helps
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Exlibris-- I am proud of you for doing the work and managing the change in your life without drinking. I know it's hard, but not only are you doing it for yourself, you are reaching out and helping others. That's a testament to the miracles of sobriety and recovery. Thanks for giving me some hope, my friend. Good luck with all that you are doing. Hang in there, one day at a time.
jojo
jojo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
It does - I will get it.....Bio and Organic Chemistry were my specialisations in my science degree so curiosity alone begs that I must.
Weird cause my son hung himself two years ago.....A guardian angel somehow made a younger sister disobey me and go home where she found him and cut him down (a drop of about 15 ft on the stairwell) My eldest daughter gave him CPR and to cut a long story short we spent three horrendous days in intensive care....he had survived stage 1 of recovery.
I had a broken leg at the time (not drink related) and literally stayed by his side as he regained consciousness. Brain damage was suspected as noone knew how long he was hanging and only for the fact that he was an accomplished prize winning gymnast, his neck would surely have snapped.
So spent days with him coming back as his short term memory started to get abit better. At first his attention span was circa 2 minutes and he repeated the same question like a two year old - "Mum why are all these needles in me, this asthma is a terrible thing" and I would have to physically lie over him to prevent him leaving the bed....A groundhog day!
He couldnt and still cannot remember to this day about it. He was convinced that it was his asthma that had him in hospital. There was a suicide alert on him obviously. So on about his 7th day in normal hospital he was allowed to use the bathroom where there was a mirror. He saw the rope burns on his neck and asked me where had they come from? I didnt want to have to tell him but I asked the doctors and they said I had to. God but I was so distraught this whole period. My two daughters that had saved him are badly badly damaged too, to this day.
What I am having to admit however is that he DID leave a letter and I was shown a copy of it by the police as he lay on life support the first night. It spoke of a break up with a girl friend....the appauling violence and abuse of his father he had witnessed to me, but and most poignantly MY DRINKING as causes for his decision though he did say he loved me and that he hoped my life would get easier......
Until today I have deliberately tried to ignore the horrible effects of my alcoholism on my children, family and friends. Today he told me he truely hated me for ruining his life....I have tried periodically but never with the true intention of stopping but rather pausing......Just took some more vitamins and glucose after reading the extract and hands are shaking less.....Some hope - you are a pet! Thank You
Weird cause my son hung himself two years ago.....A guardian angel somehow made a younger sister disobey me and go home where she found him and cut him down (a drop of about 15 ft on the stairwell) My eldest daughter gave him CPR and to cut a long story short we spent three horrendous days in intensive care....he had survived stage 1 of recovery.
I had a broken leg at the time (not drink related) and literally stayed by his side as he regained consciousness. Brain damage was suspected as noone knew how long he was hanging and only for the fact that he was an accomplished prize winning gymnast, his neck would surely have snapped.
So spent days with him coming back as his short term memory started to get abit better. At first his attention span was circa 2 minutes and he repeated the same question like a two year old - "Mum why are all these needles in me, this asthma is a terrible thing" and I would have to physically lie over him to prevent him leaving the bed....A groundhog day!
He couldnt and still cannot remember to this day about it. He was convinced that it was his asthma that had him in hospital. There was a suicide alert on him obviously. So on about his 7th day in normal hospital he was allowed to use the bathroom where there was a mirror. He saw the rope burns on his neck and asked me where had they come from? I didnt want to have to tell him but I asked the doctors and they said I had to. God but I was so distraught this whole period. My two daughters that had saved him are badly badly damaged too, to this day.
What I am having to admit however is that he DID leave a letter and I was shown a copy of it by the police as he lay on life support the first night. It spoke of a break up with a girl friend....the appauling violence and abuse of his father he had witnessed to me, but and most poignantly MY DRINKING as causes for his decision though he did say he loved me and that he hoped my life would get easier......
Until today I have deliberately tried to ignore the horrible effects of my alcoholism on my children, family and friends. Today he told me he truely hated me for ruining his life....I have tried periodically but never with the true intention of stopping but rather pausing......Just took some more vitamins and glucose after reading the extract and hands are shaking less.....Some hope - you are a pet! Thank You
The Serenity Plus Plan
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
Ama, my prayers are with you.
You know, when I was drinking I didn't see what it was doing to the people around me. I thought, "What's your problem? So I'm having a few. Big Deal!"
Though I was drinking through a part of this marriage, just stopping didn't change my thought process and actions and I realize that know. I think I finally understand what people mean when they say "dry drunk." So did drinking contribute to the breakup of my marriage. Yes, partly, and that makes me so angry! There were alot of other things, but me knowing that it played any part is so hard.
But the point I'm trying to make is that when we drink, we don't realize how it effects others around us. We're just so self absorbed.
I can't go back and change the past. I can try to be the best possible person to myself and others each day.
For the first time in my life, and I am not exagerating, I am doing everything in my power to be good to myself. I want to wake up each morning now and say to myself, "I'm proud of you." For the first time in my life, I'm putting my health and well-being first because if I don't come from there, I can't do anything for others.
My God, I'm starting to sound like an adult!
You know, when I was drinking I didn't see what it was doing to the people around me. I thought, "What's your problem? So I'm having a few. Big Deal!"
Though I was drinking through a part of this marriage, just stopping didn't change my thought process and actions and I realize that know. I think I finally understand what people mean when they say "dry drunk." So did drinking contribute to the breakup of my marriage. Yes, partly, and that makes me so angry! There were alot of other things, but me knowing that it played any part is so hard.
But the point I'm trying to make is that when we drink, we don't realize how it effects others around us. We're just so self absorbed.
I can't go back and change the past. I can try to be the best possible person to myself and others each day.
For the first time in my life, and I am not exagerating, I am doing everything in my power to be good to myself. I want to wake up each morning now and say to myself, "I'm proud of you." For the first time in my life, I'm putting my health and well-being first because if I don't come from there, I can't do anything for others.
My God, I'm starting to sound like an adult!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: minneapolis minnesota
Posts: 5
Wow!
Isn't it amazing that we are all here together in this world and each one of us is hurting, agonizing really, and that just telling each other our stories and opening ourselves up helps so much!
You are in my thoughts and you are NOT alone.
Ohwatagosiam
Isn't it amazing that we are all here together in this world and each one of us is hurting, agonizing really, and that just telling each other our stories and opening ourselves up helps so much!
You are in my thoughts and you are NOT alone.
Ohwatagosiam
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
After midnight so can I claim a day 4???? Shakes gone but head/face a sore and sorry mess.....Collision with a wall last Mon/Tues....My own yet assisted fault....That is where the photo was a really good suggestion of yours....Dad is digging it out for me!
And kids having others over for sleepover too eeekkkkk Think at least 7 children in all tonight so just pray they stay quiet......
Thank you again :-) Luvs Ama
And kids having others over for sleepover too eeekkkkk Think at least 7 children in all tonight so just pray they stay quiet......
Thank you again :-) Luvs Ama
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