16YearsDrunk

Day 11. Things are still very stressful. Another argument with my partner today over something stupid.

I was cooking a bacon sandwich for us all and she asked for a coffee with it. I said no, I was cooking and busy. She started saying "But I make you a hot drink with breakfast" and "I did do x,y,z for you". I told her "Lets not discuss this further I don't want to get into an argument.". She wouldn't drop it and said I never listen to her.

I ended up dropping the bacon by mistake which made me a bit upset but I picked up the bacon and went into another room to calm.

She followed me and started saying "Why do you never listen to anything I say". At this point I switched off and just ignored her. I said to her I do not want an argument or to discuss anything that stemmed from her being upset at not being able to make her a cup of coffee while cooking.

She stormed off saying "I'm going out don't expect me to come back" and "I knew this wouldn't last long"

But here's the thing, I did everything I was told. If I get heated, walk away. How can you do that when the other person is following you around?

As I was cooling off I couldn't help stew over her threat to leave. So I got up and asked her why she threatened me. This did cause a big argument between us both.

Because I got angry she switched it all on me and said I am the one with the problem as I am the one shouting. But I insisted to her I am angry because of her threats to leave ... again. I am angry because I asked her to drop the argument and all she keeps saying is "You never listen to me".

It's like 1 step forward 10 steps back. Now sitting here pissed off, and agitated. Today is the day I really feel like drinking. My brother is over for the weekend and he wants a night out too so maybe I should just start the weekend early and restart again on Monday.

I can't deal with this amount of stress.

Buy ... I am not going to crumble. These are times sent to test us. Just wanted to vent my rant and get it off my chest ... and document it for later one when I'm out of the woods.

Numblady

In this case it seems like starting the weekend early, if that means drinking, is not likely to actually make you feel better. You may disagree but I think you CAN handle this amount of stress (without boozing). It just isn’t fun and frankly sucks sometimes. But trying to have the discussions booze brain would be even tougher and you may lose some credibility you would otherwise have. Keep posting. We support you!!

ProfessorD

lol sounds like every argument I've ever had with my husband! Super frustrating in the moment and ultimately about nothing.

I'd say, go out and get her, your brother, and yourself a nice makeup coffee and skip the drinking

Dee74

I'm glad you come here and vented instead of drinking 16

Sometimes thats recovery in action - we stay sober, no matter what...doesn't always have to be graceful.

D

MantaLady

Hey 16, sometimes life just sucks for the day and you feel like everyone wants a piece of you, I get it! I relapsed last night after 31 days, you don't want to be sat in my shoes right now with the feelings a drink has left me with. My day today sucks just as much as yesterday did, but now I have the added drink related feelings to deal with on top of it all. It really is not worth it 16, you can get through this sober but as numblady days it's just not going to be fun. Keep steadfast 16, thinking of you and you can do this xx

yinzer

Sounds like my husband and myself when we argue. Not worth drinking over!

entropy1964

Well stress is certainly relative. When I find my blood pressure rising over inconsequential things I try to slow down. Put whatever is happening in context and realize that most of the time its a matter of poor communication, taking myself too seriously and taking things personally. I'm in control of all of those reactions and don't have to respond to anything in that manner unless I choose to.

There will always be a reason to drink if I rationalize it that way. Or there is never a reason to drink....its a matter of perspective.

When things cool down I think you guys should talk about how you communicate. Owning your own feelings. Also recognizing that pushing each other's buttons is a **** poor way to get what one wants.

Hang in there.

lrish

Your sobriety is more important than her coffee

ProfessorD

Also I wish someone would make me a bacon sandwich.

wildflower70

Sounds like she could have made her own coffee while you were cooking?
If I am ever threatened by someone saying "I'm going to leave"ect....I call their bluff.
My response would be, "You do what you need to do, and I'm gonna do what I need to do" (staying sober).
With or without your partner, you need to find peace within, and some happiness for yourself.

Best of luck

WF

markinny

where's she goin ? I doubt there's many people out there that will even pay for her weed but then again I've never seen her.

I don't think it could hurt to go back and read your post to atlantis yesterday even tho cheating isn't involved in your situation.

the reason I keep posting is because I lived in a very similar situation for a very long time. I didn't do anything about it until it started becoming very detrimental to my health. long term alcoholism was also having an impact. between the two I was going down the sewer fast. I knew I never was going to get sober under the conditions and sobriety had to be my first priorty. I hated having to evict her. I really have no idea what your situation is and seriously am not trying to talk you into anything. just sharing my experience. either way I hope you find some help for things.

it sounds like everyday is a tough time.