WTF am I doing here at 6 a.m.?
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
WTF am I doing here at 6 a.m.?
Lord have mercy, I have a friend struggling with addiction ... I have been there a dozen times ... 23 years sober and 1 year 22 days opioid free ... I never used the 12-step program but she seems to need one. I am here to try and understand the draw of this program. I emptied my vodka bottle and never looked back. I flushed my pills (I was up to 390mg of oxy per DAY) after 15 years ... I was sicker than I've ever been in my life but 3 months in and I never looked back ... so I am exploring to find a way to help this young woman while learning to be less cynical (using words like crutch for example) because some people NEED crutches. I guess it is how I was raised, you pick your ass up, dust off your britches and get right back in the fight ... you don't go chat with your BFF about how rough the fight was LOL. To help her I MUST get rid of that preconceived notion and I am here to figure out exactly how so I can help her while she can still be helped (i.e., she is still breathing). The addiction road is paved with bodies ... and lives. We all know that our end game without recovery is jail, death and/or abject misery (such a bright journey) ... with recovery comes confidence, empathy, and immeasurable power over our own destiny. Rock on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Tools.
We all use tools in the journey of recovery.
Because one person’s tools are not the same as another’s does not make them better or worse. Just different tools for different people.
I’m glad your friend is seeking tools...
That’s a good thing.
We all use tools in the journey of recovery.
Because one person’s tools are not the same as another’s does not make them better or worse. Just different tools for different people.
I’m glad your friend is seeking tools...
That’s a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
Good morning Dixie.
I didn't go to AA and I didn't enlist help from family, my BFF or my partner either. But sometimes I wished to h*ll I had of done. The fact that your friend has someone in her life that she loves and trusts enough to help in her recovery is, IMO, a testament to not only your friendship but to you as a person. As FreeOwl has already said, we all choose different methods in our approach to freedom from alcohol but the important thing is that she's reaching out to you to help her to find a way to achieve her sobriety. The fact that you have managed to slay your demons is also a mighty draw to your friend at the moment - 23 years sober is one he*luva an achievement luv. The crucial thing, I feel anyway, it to be there for her. She'll make her own way but she still needs your shoulder to lean on right now. Wishing you both the best. Yix
I didn't go to AA and I didn't enlist help from family, my BFF or my partner either. But sometimes I wished to h*ll I had of done. The fact that your friend has someone in her life that she loves and trusts enough to help in her recovery is, IMO, a testament to not only your friendship but to you as a person. As FreeOwl has already said, we all choose different methods in our approach to freedom from alcohol but the important thing is that she's reaching out to you to help her to find a way to achieve her sobriety. The fact that you have managed to slay your demons is also a mighty draw to your friend at the moment - 23 years sober is one he*luva an achievement luv. The crucial thing, I feel anyway, it to be there for her. She'll make her own way but she still needs your shoulder to lean on right now. Wishing you both the best. Yix
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I'd respectfully submit that it's not your job to save her. If I had expressed my deep concerns for someone very close to me and they weren't ready to hear it - it's not my place to pursue them, so to speak.
I'd also comment that if she would be a good candidate for AA - and I am a dedicated AAer after years of p*ssing on it for NO good reason other than I wanted to keep drinking - you might not be the best person to "guide" her as you have some serious issues I hear in a lot of places in your post. Like, I don't need to share with my BFF, just for one....
Watching those who need to get sober refuse to do so is painful. I have learned that I've got enough on my plate that I cannot save others or try; I am working with sponsees now who are at very different places in their lives and in their commitment to sobriety.
I am saying all this because I learned through AA that I have to look inward when I am frustrated, distressed and such- kinda like you say in your boot straps world view. In fact, I had a similar one that prompted me to quit cold turkey also - but I was humble enough to realize that I HAD to have external help. Everyone gets to sobriety in their own way.
Best to you and your friend.
I'd also comment that if she would be a good candidate for AA - and I am a dedicated AAer after years of p*ssing on it for NO good reason other than I wanted to keep drinking - you might not be the best person to "guide" her as you have some serious issues I hear in a lot of places in your post. Like, I don't need to share with my BFF, just for one....
Watching those who need to get sober refuse to do so is painful. I have learned that I've got enough on my plate that I cannot save others or try; I am working with sponsees now who are at very different places in their lives and in their commitment to sobriety.
I am saying all this because I learned through AA that I have to look inward when I am frustrated, distressed and such- kinda like you say in your boot straps world view. In fact, I had a similar one that prompted me to quit cold turkey also - but I was humble enough to realize that I HAD to have external help. Everyone gets to sobriety in their own way.
Best to you and your friend.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, I totally agree with the previous posts, especially August252015's.
I guess I would ask: What ARE you doing here at 6AM? What do you hope to read here that will change your view of someone else's recovery choices? I would say unless she specifically asks for something in particular that you feel you can give her - maybe stay hands off. We all find our own way.
The last thing I needed in early recovery is someone being tough on me, though.
I went to a few AA meetings for the first three months and in the end I didn't feel it was what I needed. Give time time. You can't fix her.
If you are looking to understand AA, you can read the materials (specifically the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous") on the AA.org website.
I guess I would ask: What ARE you doing here at 6AM? What do you hope to read here that will change your view of someone else's recovery choices? I would say unless she specifically asks for something in particular that you feel you can give her - maybe stay hands off. We all find our own way.
The last thing I needed in early recovery is someone being tough on me, though.
I went to a few AA meetings for the first three months and in the end I didn't feel it was what I needed. Give time time. You can't fix her.
If you are looking to understand AA, you can read the materials (specifically the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous") on the AA.org website.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi DixieDragon welcome 
I didn't use AA to get sober either but its saved a few of my friends lives.
I think it's great that today people have so many options for recovery - the lone wolf, pull yourself up by your bootstraps approach works for some, including me (with the aid of this website) but not all.
One thing I can remember from my days as a drinker is that no one could help fix me until I wanted to be fixed.
You can't make that happen, however hard you try or however strong your love is.
I hope your friend is ready for change and that you'll allow her the space to choose her own path up the mountain
D
I didn't use AA to get sober either but its saved a few of my friends lives.
I think it's great that today people have so many options for recovery - the lone wolf, pull yourself up by your bootstraps approach works for some, including me (with the aid of this website) but not all.
One thing I can remember from my days as a drinker is that no one could help fix me until I wanted to be fixed.
You can't make that happen, however hard you try or however strong your love is.
I hope your friend is ready for change and that you'll allow her the space to choose her own path up the mountain
D
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
You mentioned empathy - perhaps you might consider going to an open meeting with your friend.
This quote from the Big Book seems apropos; "There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
This quote from the Big Book seems apropos; "There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 274
A friend of mine took me to my first AA meeting. She quit on her own after a systemic collapse and pancreatitis. She was given 12% chance to survive. This was a few years ago and she is still sober and looking great. What impressed me was that she helped me although she is not an AA person. Perhaps you can do something for your friend. And I have to chime in, nobody is going to save someone that is not ready. But to be there, that is admirable.
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