Husband refuses drug test
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Husband refuses drug test
My husband is a recovering pain pill addict. Also a self diagnosed alcoholic. He was clean from pills for a year when we met in 2016. He was heavily drinking which he stopped for about 2-3 months. In January 2017 he started drinking again when I left him. This then turned into full relapse of pain pill use after I had our baby in april. He denied it when I questioned him being so different. He refused drug test. I finally got him to admit it in July. I cut contact until he got sober again. He did not attend rehab this time. Reconnected in Oct. We got back together. Things were going good until recently. He started drinking again. Says its not a problem because it's not everyday. But he's a different person while intoxicated. He started lying and hiding things. He leaves town to hang with an old buddy he used to use with. He had no contact with me for 18 hours one day. Unusual. He skipped work for two days and lied to me about it. He spent all his money at a casino. He's been irritable and angry lately. He stopped going to his recovery programs and church. He refuses to take a drug test. Insist he's clean. My gut and a close family friend who knows him well says he's relapsed. What do y'all think? Am I overreacting? Does he sound relapsed? I'm driving myself crazy over this. I think a lot of signs are there.. but maybe I'm paranoid?
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Sorry for what brings you here.
Trust your gut. All the signs are there. Why would someone clean refuse a drug test that would clear him of suspicion?
Originally Posted by Mamaof3 
...maybe I'm paranoid?
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Originally Posted by Porcetta
Who's trying to force the drug test???
I cut him off from seeing our son because of the drinking. I told him if he stops drinking AND gets a drug test he can see him. Still refuses. Trying to scare me with lawyers. He said he'll take a test with his lawyer (he doesn't have a lawyer Nor can he afford one). I've been asking for a test for probably a month now.
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Sorry for what brings you here.
Trust your gut. All the signs are there. Why would someone clean refuse a drug test that would clear him of suspicion?
Trust your gut. All the signs are there. Why would someone clean refuse a drug test that would clear him of suspicion?
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Hold your ground in regards to your child and a father who is not-trustworthy.
I wouldn't set myself up as the sobriety police, though. That's a thankless job. Do you have a Custody Order for visitation?
I wouldn't set myself up as the sobriety police, though. That's a thankless job. Do you have a Custody Order for visitation?
Last time he was drunk he made some pretty bad threats towards me and I don't feel comfortable taking my son around him because of that also.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Sounds like it may be time to lawyer up yourself.
He threatened lawyer stuff last year when he relapsed. He knows it bothers me.
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I think if I were in your shoes, it wouldn't so much matter if my husband was using, drinking, whatevering....
the bottom line for me would be - he is not at all participating in a mutually-respectful, loving relationship, is rolling over my personal boundaries and is unable to behave in a manner that I'd accept.
It doesn't take an attorney to file for divorce and custody.
the bottom line for me would be - he is not at all participating in a mutually-respectful, loving relationship, is rolling over my personal boundaries and is unable to behave in a manner that I'd accept.
It doesn't take an attorney to file for divorce and custody.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
anybody who might cause me to lose custody of my children is on the Out of My Life For Good list. i think you have moved well beyond the drug testing phase here................
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I think if I were in your shoes, it wouldn't so much matter if my husband was using, drinking, whatevering....
the bottom line for me would be - he is not at all participating in a mutually-respectful, loving relationship, is rolling over my personal boundaries and is unable to behave in a manner that I'd accept.
It doesn't take an attorney to file for divorce and custody.
the bottom line for me would be - he is not at all participating in a mutually-respectful, loving relationship, is rolling over my personal boundaries and is unable to behave in a manner that I'd accept.
It doesn't take an attorney to file for divorce and custody.
I'm going to consult with the lawyer I already have and see where to start with this.
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