whatyouwill

Hi, my name's Will and I came here for a friend. She occasionally tells me about drinking alone at home when she doesn't feel like working or just in front of the TV "becaise it makes everything easier". She's living alone, got good work and friends and so far I don't know of cases when drinking interfered with other spheres of her life, atm it actually looks like a joke. But I'm still worried. When we drink together at parties it's more like a fuel to the conversation and fun and seems to be quite normal. What do you guys think about it? Should I talk to her about drinking less?

MantaLady

Is it the drinking home alone part that is concerning you? Most people with a drinking problem do so due to an emotion that they aren't able to process so we reach for the bottle. Maybe have a chat with her first about the "it makes everything easier" comment. What is she feeling is difficult in life or struggling with that alcohol is making easier? There will be other members posting on this thread that will probably have much better and rounded advice than me, I am 29 days sober so not sure I am the best person just yet as I am still learning. I know from my personal experience I would have been offended if a friend had said they thought I was drinking too much, but that is because I had a problem and was hiding it from everyone...or so I thought...but that is only how I'd have reacted, your friend may be relieved that you noticed and care and might open up. xx

Numblady

Don’t have much more sober time myself. Nor any sage advice. But I would say at most I’d ask if she’s ok or if you can help in any way. To me regardless of whether it’s crossed over the line into a problem it won’t really Matter until she thinks she has one.

Fly N Buy

Not in the advice biz but o have a question WYW; sup with your avatar signature? What’s going on with You?!

August252015

I have found that it's usually when someone is ready- or curious- about their drinking when it's useful for me to get involved. I am quite public about my recovery, especially because I lead a recovery group for the restaurant industry here in Atlanta, and have found that things I do like post an article on FB about the mom drinking in your 30s phenomenon.

If it's someone obviously struggling and looking for support- then I may, only may, say something small to them. And see what they do with it. Once I make my open door known, it's up to them. Sometimes if I see peril and imminent danger to self (I don't hear that here, though I do see early flags), I would calmly bring it up.

Your friend may already be questioning her drinking habits, she may not.

I'm more of an attraction not promotion (in the sense of seeking recruits) AA person.

whatyouwill

right, drinking home alone part. I thought the same about confronting her openly. I can't really tell what her reaction might be like, but guess I'll never know till I ask. Thank you so much for your comment

whatyouwill

wow thank you for asking, mate, never thought people read signatures it feels like I'm having a difficult period in my life (not only because of the problem above, just generally) hence the despair. though reading here so many stories of struggle and recovery helps immensely

whatyouwill

August, Numblady, thank you so much for your suggestions, they totally make sense. I think I'd rather give her a hint that I'm conserned about her drinking habits and then we shall see

August252015

Glad my comments helped a little.

I should also have added....one common misconception about what alcoholism IS (and IS NOT) include things like....."someone who only drinks hard liquor," "someone who gets a DUI,"...."someone who's gone to jail,"...."the drunkest person at the party," and so on and on. Drinking alone is indeed a bad sign. HOWEVER the actual bottom line is can you stop once you start? And, that first step in AA, which is essentially ACCEPTANCE.

The BB also describes the "last stop" before full blown alcoholism- it is a progressive disease- is the "heavy drinker," and this is a person who CAN stop, before it's too late and because they realize what they are doing to themselves and their lives. You don't go back once you cross that line.

Again, I believe that being careful when approaching others as well as living by example - ie, becoming a person who has what others want, as I looked for in my early recovery and even now at 27+ mo- is what matters most.

Dee74

some good advice here already will.

I usually say that there's nothing wrong with expressing concern to a friend over their drinking - just as long as you're prepared for a possible negative reaction.

D