Husband has fallen off the wagon..
 

I honestly don't know him anymore. He came home on Sat night so drunk, tremors, staggering. Got so belligerent. We've two very small kids so I'm terrified he's going to do something stupid.
Its been like this fir the last 2months and he wont get help. He was off booze for nearly 4ys before that after I dumped him for getting drunk. From his early teens tobhis 30s he's passed out in so many places, been rescued outta rivers. He thinks he just doesn't have an off switch when he's starting to get drunk. Why is he drinking at all if that's the case? I cant duvoece him cos in nz he'd get shared care and he cant be trusted anymore on his own with them. I'm at my wits end.

That's the $64,000 question alright. If he knows he can't handle it, why does he pick up, when logic says all he has to do to solve his problem is not drink?

My bet is like many another alcoholic he has had days where he absolutely decided enough was enough, he is not going to drink anymore. If you could put a lie detector on him at that point it would register that he was telling you the absolute truth. And yet later, possibly even the same day, away he goes again.

Its as much a puzzle for him as it is you. I aw other people stop or moderate and thought "why cant I do that? It was source of terrible frustration. The fact is for many alcholics, we have lost the power of choice in drink. Willpower is inneffective, memory doesnt save us. There is a moment of insanity just prior to the first drink where all human defences fail us. We can't not drink. Thats what is going on with him at the moment. I hope somehow he can find the power to quit. There are ways, but it is up to him.

The important thing for now is to take care of you and the children. We have a frieinds and family forum here which would be helpful. Also, New Zealand has quite an active Alanon fellowship who would also be good to talk to.

I am a kiwi myself, living in SE Asia at the moment. Feel free to PM me if I can help in any way.

Mil,

Imo...he is a very sick man.

If you are intent on divorce, a case would need be built.

A lawyer is step one.

Otherwise, quitting is up to him.

Addicts crave for life as you can see.

Thanks.

In the end, my hand was forced. About a fortnight after that post he came home drink and aggressive. Cops were called, they issued a safety order. We separated. He went to AA, not sure if he actually quit drinking completely. He ended up doing a line with his new hse mate and started drinking again. He wanted to get back with me recently (his pseudo relationship wasnt working out) but I said not til he sobers up...so he went back to her. Its soul destroying. I still see him for kids handovers but I'm just detaching completely. Like everybody else on here, I want my husband back, sober, healthy, happy!

I'm sorry for the outcome but I'm glad you and your kids are safe Milano.

D

No...he wouldn't get "shared" care if he could not prove himself FIT....If you told a Judge that you were afraid of your childrens safety due to his drinking and that you would feel better if he were "monitored" during visits until he has proven some sober time.

You can't convince him to stop....you can't scare him to stop....

I'm an alcoholic....People have tried to scare me....I have been commited against my will....in an effort from my family (my great Mother...) to CURE me....I have been scared of losing my employment....my life....and I never stopped thru all of that stuff.

It took something inside ME that made me want to stop one day...I actually got sick of being sick and I stopped in 2005 for 8 years...

Now I drink again....and I want to stop and have for the last 12 days....but I do not feel that I am going to stay stopped like I did in 2005....

Its an ILLNESS....you can not fix him....he may not even be able to fix himself....You have to SAVE you and your children from this madness.

I’m just so really very sorry, and I hope there’s some way to deviate from shared parenting default in cases where kids’ safety may be imperiled. You are dealing with so much. Thank you for being there to keep your kids safe when they are with you. Much love to you and hope you can get support from friends & family/al-anon as earlier poster suggested.