Do I have to start back at Day 1?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 15
Do I have to start back at Day 1?
Hi, i've been lurking on this site since I went cold turkey on April 27th. This is my 1st post.
Today would have been Day 28 if I hadn't slipped yesterday . I am so mad at myself now , but i've forgiven myself . It started with my husband (2-3 drinks daily drinker) telling me that he was afraid that our marriage would not survive long-term if I remained sober. That just broke my heart and left me devastated ! He has always thought that I could one day, by some miracle , re-learn how to control my drinking . He has always equated my heavy drinking with a lack of love and respect .
Well, that's all it took for me to convince myself that I needed to start drinking again to save my marriage ! So after 5 drinks I stopped counting and passed out in bed at 8 pm . Woke up this morning to the usual "day after" scene: my husband yelling at me for not stopping at 2 drinks , slamming the door as he left for work and me trying to remember anything that happened after dinner. No such luck.
I went to work feeling miserable , guilty and full of self-loathing. I texted my husband at noon telling him that my alcoholism is a condition and not a choice.
And then he floored me for the 2nd time in 24 hours. He told me that he has finally FINALLY AT LAST understood that I was suffering from an illness and that the only way that I can survive from this horrible sickness is lifelong abstinence 😊
He said that he will support me in every way and be by my side throughout my recovery . It was literally the most amazing gift he could have given me! I went from utterly devastated this morning - I really thought that our 24 year marriage was over - to completely estactic this afternoon.
I'm just bummed out at the thought of starting over at Day 1. Does a slip cancel the 27 days I did sober?
BTW , I love this site and it's made the last month a lot easier for me. Thanks to you all !
Onward17
Today would have been Day 28 if I hadn't slipped yesterday . I am so mad at myself now , but i've forgiven myself . It started with my husband (2-3 drinks daily drinker) telling me that he was afraid that our marriage would not survive long-term if I remained sober. That just broke my heart and left me devastated ! He has always thought that I could one day, by some miracle , re-learn how to control my drinking . He has always equated my heavy drinking with a lack of love and respect .
Well, that's all it took for me to convince myself that I needed to start drinking again to save my marriage ! So after 5 drinks I stopped counting and passed out in bed at 8 pm . Woke up this morning to the usual "day after" scene: my husband yelling at me for not stopping at 2 drinks , slamming the door as he left for work and me trying to remember anything that happened after dinner. No such luck.
I went to work feeling miserable , guilty and full of self-loathing. I texted my husband at noon telling him that my alcoholism is a condition and not a choice.
And then he floored me for the 2nd time in 24 hours. He told me that he has finally FINALLY AT LAST understood that I was suffering from an illness and that the only way that I can survive from this horrible sickness is lifelong abstinence 😊
He said that he will support me in every way and be by my side throughout my recovery . It was literally the most amazing gift he could have given me! I went from utterly devastated this morning - I really thought that our 24 year marriage was over - to completely estactic this afternoon.
I'm just bummed out at the thought of starting over at Day 1. Does a slip cancel the 27 days I did sober?
BTW , I love this site and it's made the last month a lot easier for me. Thanks to you all !
Onward17
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
If it were me, and I drank deliberately, yes, I'd start over at day one. Honesty is a big part of staying sober, especially being honest with myself. And I'm counting continuous sobriety, not interrupted sobriety.
I'm glad your husband is supportive of your efforts.
I'm glad your husband is supportive of your efforts.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I don't think it cancels out all you've achieved in 27 days sober at all - but for me, yeah I'd restart.
It's not a punishment - I just know my drinking brain.
If I wasn't able to be honest with myself, I'd probably end up with something like 90 days with 3 slips...voice in my head says another slip wouldn't be so bad...you know?
pick yourself up and get on with recovery 2.0
D
It's not a punishment - I just know my drinking brain.
If I wasn't able to be honest with myself, I'd probably end up with something like 90 days with 3 slips...voice in my head says another slip wouldn't be so bad...you know?
pick yourself up and get on with recovery 2.0
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
The number of days really doesn't matter. What matters is what you learned during those 27 days. What worked to keep you sober, what didn't help. All of that experience goes into your sobriety tool box, and you use it all this time. Great news about your husband.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hi onward 17 😊
Poor you having to go through that! You must have felt devastated. But I’m so glad your husband has realised and come on board to support you, that’s great news. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. I’m on day 12 after several recent day 1’s (and many more day 1’s previously over the years). I’m feeling more positive this time round with the support of SR for the first time, and also with the support of my husband who loves me drunk or sober, but thankfully prefers me sober 😊
Poor you having to go through that! You must have felt devastated. But I’m so glad your husband has realised and come on board to support you, that’s great news. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. I’m on day 12 after several recent day 1’s (and many more day 1’s previously over the years). I’m feeling more positive this time round with the support of SR for the first time, and also with the support of my husband who loves me drunk or sober, but thankfully prefers me sober 😊
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 65
onward17 writes>>>I went to work feeling miserable , guilty and full of self-loathing. I texted my husband at noon telling him that my alcoholism is a condition and not a choice. <<<
For me it was a choice, otherwise I could not have recovered.
onward17 writes>>>Does a slip cancel the 27 days I did sober?
It doesn't matter even if you're an AA member, because there is no criterion for a sobriety date in all of AA literature, the AA fellowship made this-up, based on Bill W's and Dr. Bob's sobriety dates. Dr. Bob relapsed, but they called it a slip, not a relapse. Dr. Bob took other drugs besides alcohol. His slip was followed by more alcohol, and amphetamine to stop his jitters, so he could perform a medical operation. They played around with his date, to make it look better, but as far as I'm concerned he had a relapse. Sobriety time has become a pecking order status game for many, which is part of the group speak, that can't think outside of the box. I'm in my late 4th decade of what AA calls sobriety by the common AA standard, but I set my own standard i.e. for about 15 years I was abstinent from alcohol, but not sober, because I was still self destructive smoking tobacco which is the #1 killer of all addictive substances. Occasionally I share this at AA meetings and it makes many smokers uncomfortable, but I don't judge anyone that smokes. My recovery is my business only, and no one has the right to tell me what my recovery is....
For me it was a choice, otherwise I could not have recovered.
onward17 writes>>>Does a slip cancel the 27 days I did sober?
It doesn't matter even if you're an AA member, because there is no criterion for a sobriety date in all of AA literature, the AA fellowship made this-up, based on Bill W's and Dr. Bob's sobriety dates. Dr. Bob relapsed, but they called it a slip, not a relapse. Dr. Bob took other drugs besides alcohol. His slip was followed by more alcohol, and amphetamine to stop his jitters, so he could perform a medical operation. They played around with his date, to make it look better, but as far as I'm concerned he had a relapse. Sobriety time has become a pecking order status game for many, which is part of the group speak, that can't think outside of the box. I'm in my late 4th decade of what AA calls sobriety by the common AA standard, but I set my own standard i.e. for about 15 years I was abstinent from alcohol, but not sober, because I was still self destructive smoking tobacco which is the #1 killer of all addictive substances. Occasionally I share this at AA meetings and it makes many smokers uncomfortable, but I don't judge anyone that smokes. My recovery is my business only, and no one has the right to tell me what my recovery is....
NJguyinFL
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Florida
Posts: 6
Just delete this post, and never mention it in a meeting... You'd be surprised how many AA members outright LIE about their time sober. I've ran into a few in bars, but never said nothing because I already expected to see them, so there was no surprise... They usually are the most vocal and controlling of all the members. I see nothing wrong with weening ourselves from a nasty habit... If this is too difficult, maybe just party once a month or every so often. I have to be honest, a lot of AA members are more of a menace to society and to themselves when they stopped drinking. Don't get mad or drop your jaw, I just don't think some people's lives are more miserable while sober. If they refuse to address the REAL issues that lead them to drinking, such as a chemical imbalance, emotional trauma, or daily stress, then the pain and anguish will only worsen.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by myverysadworld 
Just delete this post, and never mention it in a meeting... You'd be surprised how many AA members outright LIE about their time sober. I've ran into a few in bars, but never said nothing because I already expected to see them, so there was no surprise... They usually are the most vocal and controlling of all the members. I see nothing wrong with weening ourselves from a nasty habit... If this is too difficult, maybe just party once a month or every so often. I have to be honest, a lot of AA members are more of a menace to society and to themselves when they stopped drinking. Don't get mad or drop your jaw, I just don't think some people's lives are more miserable while sober. If they refuse to address the REAL issues that lead them to drinking, such as a chemical imbalance, emotional trauma, or daily stress, then the pain and anguish will only worsen.
.I`ve been attending AA meetings for over 25 years and believe what members give as their **sobriety date. If someone is going to lie so be it. On the other hand it`s not difficult to run across members with years of sobriety that appear toxic. They are usually the most vocal. Know the BB inside and out. Members who often get away with unacceptable behavior in the rooms under the guise of "helping."
**weirdest tale: member had 10 years of sobriety. However he had gotten sober at the age of 18 and was having second thoughts. The guy goes on a wild free-for-all weekend hookers/drugs/booze. The whole trip
Comes back the following week and says the bender didn`t count.
He`s still got the 10 years. Whatever
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Before we veer off track completely...as far as I know the original poster in not in AA.
Even if Onward is, I think there's plenty of other threads to discuss AA and AA members.
Thanks
Dee
Moderator
SR
Even if Onward is, I think there's plenty of other threads to discuss AA and AA members.
Please Read! The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
Dee
Moderator
SR
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Originally Posted by onward17
I'm just bummed out at the thought of starting over at Day 1. Does a slip cancel the 27 days I did sober?
Onward17
It 100% doesn't cancel out the 27 days...
That is yours to keep and use to give you strength.
But as far as a reset goes...
Well, I think you know the answer.
I've reset a handful of times and although it's tough. It has made me a better stronger sober person.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I would restart. I would restart here at 27 months.
And, I do believe that the word "choice" should replace slip. That's a tough one for a lot of people but IMO....we don't just accidentally drink. It might be a creeping up kind of choice, but we are either moving further away from a drink or closer to one.
Getting sober time of any length under you is great!! Whatever program you do (I am an AAer)- I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. I'm at a very different point than you, and I do believe it would be swiftly fatal if I ever drink again - but you've got some evidence you can do it, and a lot of things to think about - most especially what YOU need, separating your husband's concerns, behaviors, etc.
I hope you start over, work a plan, and stay sober. Even the worst drinkers among us- like I was!- can get and stay sober if we decide to, I believe.
Take care of you.
And, I do believe that the word "choice" should replace slip. That's a tough one for a lot of people but IMO....we don't just accidentally drink. It might be a creeping up kind of choice, but we are either moving further away from a drink or closer to one.
Getting sober time of any length under you is great!! Whatever program you do (I am an AAer)- I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. I'm at a very different point than you, and I do believe it would be swiftly fatal if I ever drink again - but you've got some evidence you can do it, and a lot of things to think about - most especially what YOU need, separating your husband's concerns, behaviors, etc.
I hope you start over, work a plan, and stay sober. Even the worst drinkers among us- like I was!- can get and stay sober if we decide to, I believe.
Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
HI Onward. I know how devastated you must feel caving after 27 days of sobriety. I caved after 112 days. I wasn't really even craving. I thought about it and at the time, it seemed to make sense to me. By biggest mistake was NOT posting here first. SR has talked me off the ledge several times when I've posted first. I know better and should have posted. SR was a huge motivator in me starting again.
Anyway, I reset my days. I'm now on my 15th day (again). I still have pangs of regret about throwing my days away. However, I did learn lots during those 112 days and in that respect, they are not a waste. Actually, no sobriety time (in my opinion) is a waste. Hang in there. Dust yourself and carry on.
Anyway, I reset my days. I'm now on my 15th day (again). I still have pangs of regret about throwing my days away. However, I did learn lots during those 112 days and in that respect, they are not a waste. Actually, no sobriety time (in my opinion) is a waste. Hang in there. Dust yourself and carry on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
Oh my goodness, your husband gave me whiplash:
"Our marriage won't survive you not drinking!"
"Why did you get drunk?"
"I fully understand and support your need for sobriety!"
I'm glad he finally came around to accepting the nature of your addiction, but what a twisted path to getting there! It made my head spin just reading it...
But I'm still very happy for you; support at home will help immensely in your efforts to quit drinking. Don't get too hung up on "starting over;" you've shown that consistent sobriety is possible, so that's a good thing!
"Our marriage won't survive you not drinking!"
"Why did you get drunk?"
"I fully understand and support your need for sobriety!"
I'm glad he finally came around to accepting the nature of your addiction, but what a twisted path to getting there! It made my head spin just reading it...
But I'm still very happy for you; support at home will help immensely in your efforts to quit drinking. Don't get too hung up on "starting over;" you've shown that consistent sobriety is possible, so that's a good thing!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
With regards to length of sobriety: I subscribe to the one day at a time theory. I didn't drink today, you didn't either? Great.
I'm not saying what I will do tomorrow. I'm just not drinking today .
But I also think it's important for those new in sobriety to know long term sobriety is possible.
That life can be much easier without the drama/trouble associated with alcoholic drinking/behavior.
I'm not saying what I will do tomorrow. I'm just not drinking today .
But I also think it's important for those new in sobriety to know long term sobriety is possible.
That life can be much easier without the drama/trouble associated with alcoholic drinking/behavior.
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