2 weeks and then bam
 

It wasn’t even hard. Not drinking for two weeks. It wasn’t even hard. But then I was at my brother in laws house after sitting next to my father in laws hospice bedside all day... when he said the beef was in the fridge I could have sprinted there. And I think that first beer was downed within minutes. And more and more and more until it was time to leave and I barely remember the rest of the evening. I didn’t drink after 6p. So that’s good. But I drank enough to make up for it. How embarrassing :(

Has it ended like that before? You drinking when you didn't have any prior intentions? Drinking more and more and more and then not remembering?

Do you think the stress of the hospice was too much?

Life throws death at me on a pretty regular basis. It's a struggle, for sure - but I don't drink at it any more.

Blessings to your family at this difficult time of hospice. I hope you will be able to put down the drink and be really present at this time.

It's the staying quit that's hard, as you are finding.

Are you waiting for it to be hard? If it's a struggle you are waiting for, keep drinking.

Or better yet, commit to quitting and staying quit.

Best to you. Stay close to SR.

Reading some of your other posts it seems that moderation is not working for you, it doesn't work for most of the people on here either. You deserve better for yourself and so do your kids, I can tell you love them very much. You also mentioned before that your dad's situation is alcohol related and I am so sorry you are having to suffer through this, but drinking at the problem is not going to make it any easier and it's not going to make it go away. Please give some real consideration to stopping drinking alltogether, you are aware you cannot moderate your intake once you start so sobriety is the only way. Like you said before you feel like a broken record, maybe it's time to change the record and only you can do this, you have to want this for yourself.

I hope you make the right decision for you, you deserve better and you can do this! xx

Based on your previous posts, I wouldn’t say that it was not “ out of nowhere” that you drank. You’ve acknowledged many times that you tend to binge every 2 or 3 weeks, so if anything this was predictable and expected, no?

You have also memtioned denial in the past and I’m seeing that too. The fact that you think it’s “good” that you didn’t drink past 6pm in spite of all that happened is a pretty good example.

I’m sorry to hear about your father in law, but don’t use that as an excuse either. You will be far better prepared to deal with that situation if you aren’t drinking of course. The bottom line is that if you don’t address the drinking issue, even if it’s sporadic, expect more of the same.

Hi slipnslide.

I may be wrong but it sounds to me that you seem to be thinking very like I used to rationalise with myself. Before I gave up drinking for good I would pat myself on the back if I managed a week or so without alcohol because that proved I could do it. Uhuh - I could do a week or two but I hadn't really let it sink in that I was going to have to give it up for good. Subconsciously I was giving myself permission to go back to it anytime life chucked a curveball at me and I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. If you really want to give up then I'm afraid it's going to take more than a fortnight. :( It's rough I know, but people like us who have to be hyper aware of their alcohol intake really shouldn't be intaking alcohol.

Wishing you well - you CAN do it, and please say "hi" to let us know how you're getting on. Yix x

Watching a loved one die is a very difficult thing, slipnslide - both emotionally and physically draining. We don't have to reach for booze to cope though. If your FIL is in hospice, there may well be a support system available for you, also. Ask the caregivers or the hospice social worker if there is someone you can speak with.

It sounds as though you need to strengthen your plan for recovery - put things in place so that you can say no to booze in difficult situations and other triggering events.

There is a very good SR thread on the topic of Plans. I will post a link in a minute.

*****

As promised:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst

I wonder if your alias (slipnslide) might not be a subconscious message?

I wish you all the best.

KP

Slipnslide is absolutely a name picked based on my drinking. I know I have moderation issues. I know I have binge drinking issues. And I know I hate myself after I drink. So why do I drink that first time?

I equate my ability to say no to drinking to a song lyric that jumped into my head just before I quit 21 days ago. It's from a Hall and Oats song, "The strong give up and move on while the weak give up and stay". I gave up drinking and I am moving on. I am lucky to have a couple of people I can reach out to to get me home from work where my wife helps me stay on track. Get some support people that you can call before you crack open that next beverage.

I think your asking the wrong question slipandslide, it doesn't really matter why you pick up the drink at this stage. What matters is that you do. The real question you should be asking yourself is "What do I need to do to make sure I do not have that first drink".

Think of it this way, if you fell over and broke your leg, would you just lay there in pain trying to work out why you had fallen over, or would you call for help and concentrate on getting it fixed?