NewChapterJan18

Thank you so much @Yixi @Gottalife and @Numblady for your supportive words and heartfelt advice/reassurance.

@Gottalife I am not an AA person but I can appreciate a lot of value in various aspects of the program and a lot of what you posted has resonated and given me food for thought. Thank you for sharing.

Well, I attended the party and the girl in question was indeed there. I am SO relieved to report that, much as many of you had suggested, the build up in my head was worse than any eventuality. As soon as we walked in, she greeted me with a hug and pleasantries and there was absolutely no ill will. I did not get to speak to her for the rest of the evening and she subsequently left the party earlier than most as she had something else to get to, but we also said goodbye and there was no drama. My husband said he had spoken to her a little and seemingly she has settled down also and relinquished the party lifestyle. I did not bring anything up about the last encounter as I did not feel it was warranted nor appropriate, and felt it best that we all just allow bygones be bygones of another life when we were probably all in a darker place. Ironically, for all my worries, I am happy that I went as it made me realize how far I’ve come, and how much more distance I want to put between myself and those days. I am also truly happy to see that others, such as this girl, are also moving forward and in a better place. The preceding anxiety however will not easily be forgotten and I will keep the memory of that unease ready to hand should/when the AV ever try to sneak in again.

Thank you all so so much for taking the time to post, offer support, guidance and reassurance. You’ve no idea how much it helped. Sending a huge hug to you all.

Numblady

Love this update! Thank you for sharing!

Rar

This IS good news. Glad all went well. .

NewChapterJan18

Thank you guys <3

trachemys

Practice this: "Oh, God! I was such a drunken ass the last time I saw you. I'm so sorry!"

It will work wonders for you and whoever else.

Ladysadie

So good to hear! Grace from you both, that is just wonderful.

Hevyn

I can imagine how relieved you're feeling! Very glad to know it's one less negative thing on your mind. I know it's a cliche, but as for me - I've definitely been my own worst enemy in the past. Insisting on awfulizing - laying awake stewing over things that never came to pass. Let's not do that anymore.

Gottalife

Just for the purpose of reflection, this is a key comment, and very relavent to alcoholism. In AA belief, "The main problem centres in the mind"

One of the factors that kept me drinking was an inability to see reality or recognise the truth of my situation. It was like a form of psychosis. I was presented with solutions at various times but for some reason, I could not see the problem. Its a thing with the alcoholic mind.

Imagine then, what the alcoholic mind could potentially do with such a thought. This kind of thing happened to me quite a lot in early sobriety. It builds, loses its original form, becomes ever darker and ominous and before I know it, it seems like the sky will fall. I become frightened, stressed, begin imagining all kinds of negative outcomes. I have no idea how I got into such a state. This is high risk territory for an alcoholic, I haven't even had to face the situation yet

I call my sponsor, to whom I have been talking each day and he helps me unravel the mystery. As someone else said, I was my own worst enemy. As time progresses I begin to see how my past may dominate my future unless I take steps to address it.

NewChapterJan18

Thanks all for your kind words!

@Gottalife: you are absolutely right. I am working into my plan ways to address my self sabotaging behaviour in order to address, as you rightly point out, patterns of thoughts and behaviour that, of left unaddressed or ignored, will ultimately lead to my downfall. Not this time - I am determined to do whatever it takes to facilitate, protect and strengthen my commitment to sobriety.