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Old 05-25-2018, 09:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Weaning off


Forgive me... I had planned to write a few sentences but seem to have rambled on. ...

It has been 18 hours since my last drink. I've been drinking for every single day (minus 3 days post gallbladder surgery) for 4 years straight. I had been sober for a year prior but was drinking a lot for the year before that. For me, it has been a way to numb my emotions. Of course some days it just magnifies them too. Last night I was acutely aware of how sad I felt. But it was a quiet sadness, one that I hope I can learn to live with. To truly LIVE with.

For me, it started with marriage falling apart. It's the old story of spouse has affair and so she falls apart. I know, I'm not the first and I won't be the last. I felt like I started to get a handle on that when sadly my youngest daughter died unexpectedly within 24 hours from some unknown virus. She was just shy of turning 4 and was gone with the blink of an eye. I know that a lot of my sadness is not only losing her but trying to live life without that family unit. I just don't know who I am anymore and I know I am failing my other 2 children miserably.

Having had a stomach bug yesterday made it much easier for me to not drink. As much as I would love to just keep going, I am terrified of all the side effects. I have heard and read and been told by my doctor that quitting cold turkey is absolutely not safe. To put things into context, i have been having an average of half a bottle of vodka or whisky every night. Sometimes more, occasionally a little less. I have unfortunately forgotten how to live and cope and be without it.

I'm actually paranoid about taking medications (fear and panic attacks) so going to a detox place is out of the question. I have been telling myself that I will wean myself off (which the doctor said would be ok) but as I'm sure many of you know, after a few drinks, logic and will power go out the window. I know that for me, once I start, I don't stop until I collapse into bed. I tell myself not to have a drink the second I get home but routinely convince myself as I walk in the house that today will be different. In that moment I am convinced that I can control it. Of course that doesn't work. I know that keeping myself out and busy helps, so that I get home later and drink less. Sounds pathetic, I know.

I will once again try. This time I will try harder. Perhaps I will post often to hold myself accountable and to seek motivation. I am tired of this cycle and tired of being consumed by it every moment of every day. Has anyone else weaned themselves off of alcohol? I'll take any advice and any motivation I can get.
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Old 05-25-2018, 09:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Dear Sober - I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your child. I can only imagine how difficult that is. It really breaks my heart to read that. Thank you for sharing your story.
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Old 05-25-2018, 09:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR sober and thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry for your losses as well and understand how you would feel so lost at this point in your life. I'm glad you realized that alcohol is making it worse though - because it very much does. And I'm glad you are making an effort to quit.

Since you've already seen a doctor about it and they seem to think it's OK to quit on your own without any meds, i'd say why even bother "cutting down"? You've already quit, and since you know what will likely happen if you try to "moderate", why even give your addiction the chance? I also understand the fear of meds as a diagnosed health anxiety sufferer, but know that if it comes down to it - you have a responsibility to your other children to do anything you can to stay sober and be safe.
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Old 05-25-2018, 01:59 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome.

If weaning works for you by all means do that.

I tapered my drinking and the last time actually quit. The problem was that I tried to quit by tapering many many many times. I would get down to 2 drinks a day and never actually quit and end up going right back and worse.

If it's not working get some professional help. OK
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Old 05-25-2018, 09:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR

I'm really sorry for your loss Sober 54321.

If your Dr says it's not safe to go cold turkey, hopefully they gave you some tapering guidelines - if not, go back to them.

Get it started ASAP

Why wait to start your new life?

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Old 05-26-2018, 02:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Welcome to SR sober and thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry for your losses as well and understand how you would feel so lost at this point in your life. I'm glad you realized that alcohol is making it worse though - because it very much does. And I'm glad you are making an effort to quit.

Since you've already seen a doctor about it and they seem to think it's OK to quit on your own without any meds, i'd say why even bother "cutting down"? You've already quit, and since you know what will likely happen if you try to "moderate", why even give your addiction the chance? I also understand the fear of meds as a diagnosed health anxiety sufferer, but know that if it comes down to it - you have a responsibility to your other children to do anything you can to stay sober and be safe.
As usual, I concur with a lot of what Scott said here. Welcome, and I am glad you shared with us. Each of us has a story, and it is always heartbreaking to feel another person's pain- you are brave to share.

I'll be quick here (I can go on about the topic of tapering v cold turkey):
I was drinking about a handle of vodka every day and a half, two days (that's the biggest US size).
I quit cold turkey.
I went through a LOT- I did not go to the ER but I did see my GP, Psych and the liver dr they sent me to for tests and for meds, ultimately adding a benzo after my immediate w/drawal but still while enduring PAWS. I still take it (ativan) as needed, for anxiety.
I would not do it any differently if I had it to do over again (which I don't because drinking equals death for me).

Plenty of people are shocked or disagree or whatever when I say that i am firmly in the "cold turkey camp" - that's an individual choice. I know for absolute certain that I could never have successfully tapered. My alcoholic brain would have played endless games with it til I did indeed die, no doubt in the year, 18 mo that liver dr gave me.

It sounds like you have conflicting inclinations, advice, thoughts, etc on how to quit. I can only say that however you do it, I hope you do actually quit. Completely. Forever.

Best to you. Hope to see you here and sober with us!
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Old 05-26-2018, 04:35 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I would not do it any differently if I had it to do over again (which I don't because drinking equals death for me).

Plenty of people are shocked or disagree or whatever when I say that i am firmly in the "cold turkey camp" - that's an individual choice. I know for absolute certain that I could never have successfully tapered. My alcoholic brain would have played endless games with it til I did indeed die, no doubt in the year, 18 mo that liver dr gave me.
I think people are shocked and disagree because you're endorsing a method that could kill someone.

If anyone is planning on abruptly stopping a heavy habit of daily alcohol use, then they should go on benzodiazepines as prescribed by a doctor BEFORE withdrawals begin. That will give you the benefits of bringing alcohol consumption down to zero immediately, while also preventing potentially life-threatening withdrawals.
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Old 05-26-2018, 05:03 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I think people are shocked and disagree because you're endorsing a method that could kill someone.

If anyone is planning on abruptly stopping a heavy habit of daily alcohol use, then they should go on benzodiazepines as prescribed by a doctor BEFORE withdrawals begin. That will give you the benefits of bringing alcohol consumption down to zero immediately, while also preventing potentially life-threatening withdrawals.
No. I am describing what I chose. ESH only.

I could certainly elaborate with what happened to me and it would certainly have sent a lot of people straight to the ER- I chose to suffer through. My outcome could have been different, hence I can only say what I did and that, yes, I would take the risk(s) I took again.

To me, risking an uncertain immediate (even, year to two) future sober over a certain death by drinking was the right choice.
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Old 05-26-2018, 05:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Everyone is free to share their experience - in a responsible way...but it's worth noting what SR rules and policies recommend.

Quote:
10. Medical Advice: No Posts giving medical advice, medication advice, or psychiatric advice. Do not use the forum to give or ask for professional medical or psychiatric advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for peer support only and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services. Medical and Psychiatric advice includes giving a diagnosis, treatment plan, medication advice and dosage suggestions, over the counter and natural home remedies that should be approved by medical professionals. Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician.
My experience is I did not seek medical support and I ended up with a series of mini strokes that changed my life and my health forever.

I would not make that same choice again.

I'm not suggesting everyone will end up like me - but I think the advice to seek professional help wherever possible is the best advice to give.

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Old 05-26-2018, 05:46 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
No. I am describing what I chose. ESH only.

I could certainly elaborate with what happened to me and it would certainly have sent a lot of people straight to the ER- I chose to suffer through. My outcome could have been different, hence I can only say what I did and that, yes, I would take the risk(s) I took again.

To me, risking an uncertain immediate (even, year to two) future sober over a certain death by drinking was the right choice.
When you say you're "firmly in the camp of cold turkey" you are indeed endorsing that method. I didn't mention anything about doing a taper.

Why on Earth if you had to do it again would you not use the same meds you are taking right now to quit safely? The same day you wake up and say you'll never drink is the same day you can get meds to prevent withdrawals, so I just don't get it.
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Old 05-26-2018, 05:48 AM   #11 (permalink)
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HI Sober - How are you doing today? What did you decide to do? Regardless of which method you are choosing, please stay close to SR and let us know how you're doing. I'm rooting for you.

PS - I know you said you are paranoid about meds and fear going to a detox facility. Since you are in contact with your doctor, how about asking him for something to take the edge off at home while you are detoxing?
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Old 05-26-2018, 05:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hey dcg - you missed the subtext - take it to PM.

Back to the OP please.

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