Feel guilty for driving new car to AA meeting...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I am a car guy. I worked for 3 decades and finally bought a car I've eyed for years. If I hadn't worked hard, I wouldn't have been able to afford it. If I wasn't a car guy, I wouldn't have bought it either. Being an alcoholic doesn't negate your other hobbies and interests.. I say good for you and enjoy your car.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
The sponsor's quip about the new car was uncalled for.
If he was just in a bad mood that day and not indicative of his behavior forget.
On the other hand if he has a habit of making such comments later to that.
Just because you're both in AA doesn't mean you have put up with rude behavior.
If he was just in a bad mood that day and not indicative of his behavior forget.
On the other hand if he has a habit of making such comments later to that.
Just because you're both in AA doesn't mean you have put up with rude behavior.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
I have been going to AA for about 2.5 years. One of my regular AA meetings includes an attorney who took a big case on contingency. When I met him in my early sobriety the case was still in litigation. He would occasionally talk about the case when he shared or after meetings. At first I thought he was full of BS. (Because I'm an untrusting cynic I suppose. Looking at life with a negative outlook. One of my many character defects. Anyway back to the story.) Well the case was everything he said it was and after another year he won the case. It was worth millions to him and he was able to retire. He went out and bought a Maserati GranTurismo. My first thought when I saw the car was "good for him". I also felt a bit bad because it reminded me that my first reaction to his story about this big case was one of cynical disbelief. But that's on me not him. I am in a better place today compared to 2.5 years ago. Now I try to be joyful when someone else succeeds, not angry or jealous. Envy is a poison to my soul.
rebellovw I am happy for you. Enjoy your new car!
rebellovw I am happy for you. Enjoy your new car!
NJguyinFL
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Florida
Posts: 6
Like others have said, find a new sponsor... This was not a "slip of the tongue", nut rather your sponsor exposing his deep feelings of bitterness and jealousy... Would a doctor dump on a patient for rejecting medications and/or surgery, but cured their own illness with dietary changes? Sooner or later, this guy will cause you problems, fire him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
I recall in very early recovery winning
$1000.00 after being the right caller
on one of many games I played on the radio.
I could have kept it for myself for selfish
reasons, yet I gave it to my husband at the
time to help him buy a car he desperately
needed.
I still reflect on that move I made in
early recovery and don't regret it at
all. That small gift was just one of many
gifts Ive received along my journey in recovery.
All the "things" gifts ive received are
just that and often remind myself that
if I still don't have continuous recovery
in my life for the past 27 yrs, I wouldn't
have any of life's precious gifts to enjoy,
appreciate and never take for granted of
like I have today.
Easy come and easy go is that simple
without the recovery foundation Ive
built strong and solid a day at a time
over the yrs. for myself.
This journey Im still on is forever evolving
molding me into the person I truly want
to be giving me a purpose in life which is
a wonderful meaningful gift in itself.
Enjoy your new ride with purpose and
meaning SR friend.
$1000.00 after being the right caller
on one of many games I played on the radio.
I could have kept it for myself for selfish
reasons, yet I gave it to my husband at the
time to help him buy a car he desperately
needed.
I still reflect on that move I made in
early recovery and don't regret it at
all. That small gift was just one of many
gifts Ive received along my journey in recovery.
All the "things" gifts ive received are
just that and often remind myself that
if I still don't have continuous recovery
in my life for the past 27 yrs, I wouldn't
have any of life's precious gifts to enjoy,
appreciate and never take for granted of
like I have today.
Easy come and easy go is that simple
without the recovery foundation Ive
built strong and solid a day at a time
over the yrs. for myself.
This journey Im still on is forever evolving
molding me into the person I truly want
to be giving me a purpose in life which is
a wonderful meaningful gift in itself.
Enjoy your new ride with purpose and
meaning SR friend.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by PeacefulRain 
I live in a huge house and don’t have to work. I drive the stay-at-home mom’s dream car. I wear a Rolex....guess what I’m just as much an alcoholic as a guy living in the gutter. The car, house or Rolex didn’t save me from alcoholism. I am fighting the same fight as the guy who has nothing, just much more comfortably. Not everyone has to be destitute to need help for alcoholism. There is a looooong list of very wealthy celebrities to prove that.
Now, I live in a beautiful apartment on the same wealthy side of town, with my (sober) husband and 16 yr old step daughter. My husband provides a very nice life for us, not as extravagant as I grew up with, but with everything I need and pretty much want (he won't say no to me, so I have to be the governor! Not a habit I learned growing up), and it is wonderful. Because of his work, I can basically just make my spending money working in a restaurant- that is part of the privately owned restaurant group that started the recovery group I run here in Atlanta.
People in my home group are/were largely like me- and some even have their last names on major buildings in town (and some, multiple towns).
I've also lived in a very pitiful apt, and at one point I didn't have a car for three years. I walked to work and to get groceries- sometimes taking cabs (if my mom paid) or the free bus to get part way to the store. I also worked as a server full time and barely make ends meet. When I first got sober, I worked at a fast food place - with a degree from a top US university and a successful corp career on my resume.
Not a whit of all that stuff matters.
Cars? Your business and if you care about them, great. Personally, I love clothes and nice jewelry; I am more than happy with my dad's 2004 Lexus. With roughly 240K miles and still in decent condition. I prefer to use the Amex for $200 jeans and right now, my fave brand of fancy purses. I go to meetings in rougher areas too - and I still wear my nice stuff and do me.
In recovery, I simply do not let other people's judgments have any sway on my actions - other than joint decisions my husband and I make. If my mind ventures down that path, I shut that crap down as quickly as possible.
Overthinking little junk is silly for me.
Staying sober and living a beautiful life on my/our terms? That's the important part.
Oh, and what Dee said.
Just my $0.02+
You do you- keep going.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
One of the most effective ways I know of avoiding recovery is to find a sponsor who will never say anything to disturb you. And your guy seems to have disturbed you. There is a wealth of experience behind such a comment. We’ve all heard of retail therapy. The concept is an individual is not feeling good internally, so they make a purchase which, for a short time makes them feel better. Then they discover that the external thing has not fixed the internal condition.
AA is all about treating the internal condition, and the steps are the means of doing that. A lot of folk baulk at the steps, try other ways to feel better. Having said that, I don’t recall my sponsor ever making a similar comment. But then again, I was into the steps boots and all.
These old boys often say things, the real meaning of which is not immediately obvious. But they get us thinking. What did he really mean, what was the point he was trying to get across? I doubt very much that he was just being a smarty pants.
AA is all about treating the internal condition, and the steps are the means of doing that. A lot of folk baulk at the steps, try other ways to feel better. Having said that, I don’t recall my sponsor ever making a similar comment. But then again, I was into the steps boots and all.
These old boys often say things, the real meaning of which is not immediately obvious. But they get us thinking. What did he really mean, what was the point he was trying to get across? I doubt very much that he was just being a smarty pants.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
There was an old saying in AA that if one had a gold tooth and a watch they weren't ready to get sober! Gratefully, the bottom has been raised and I can learn from the experience of others that I don't have to take the elevator all the way to the basement. Read story section of the Big Book - They Stopped in Time.
That said, you're post reminds me of this truth from our book; "........one careless, inconsiderate remark has been known to raise the very devil. We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap."
Nothing like a solid resentment to start off your program. Consider it a gift from your sponsor.
It's the steps we take, not the meetings we make.........
keep coming back
That said, you're post reminds me of this truth from our book; "........one careless, inconsiderate remark has been known to raise the very devil. We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap."
Nothing like a solid resentment to start off your program. Consider it a gift from your sponsor.
It's the steps we take, not the meetings we make.........
keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Gottalife
One of the most effective ways I know of avoiding recovery is to find a sponsor who will never say anything to disturb you. And your guy seems to have disturbed you. There is a wealth of experience behind such a comment. We’ve all heard of retail therapy. The concept is an individual is not feeling good internally, so they make a purchase which, for a short time makes them feel better. Then they discover that the external thing has not fixed the internal condition.
AA is all about treating the internal condition, and the steps are the means of doing that. A lot of folk baulk at the steps, try other ways to feel better. Having said that, I don’t recall my sponsor ever making a similar comment. But then again, I was into the steps boots and all.
These old boys often say things, the real meaning of which is not immediately obvious. But they get us thinking. What did he really mean, what was the point he was trying to get across? I doubt very much that he was just being a smarty pants.
AA is all about treating the internal condition, and the steps are the means of doing that. A lot of folk baulk at the steps, try other ways to feel better. Having said that, I don’t recall my sponsor ever making a similar comment. But then again, I was into the steps boots and all.
These old boys often say things, the real meaning of which is not immediately obvious. But they get us thinking. What did he really mean, what was the point he was trying to get across? I doubt very much that he was just being a smarty pants.
Sometimes the old boys are just that. Old boys.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
if my sponsor didnt say things that bothered me i dont know how far i would have gotten. i needed a sponsor that would catch things and say something about my actions even if it came out sideways. he told me some time down the road he does it because he cares about me- thats what friends do,too.
some of what he said had no grounds but quite often it did. it was wise for me to look and see why it bothered me.
maybe take a look at what he said, rebellow- is there any thought that maybe the new car will make you feel better? i can see why your sponsor would say that- out of concern and also something from the big book:
For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.
He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for.
wicked car,though. ive loved mustangs for years.
some of what he said had no grounds but quite often it did. it was wise for me to look and see why it bothered me.
maybe take a look at what he said, rebellow- is there any thought that maybe the new car will make you feel better? i can see why your sponsor would say that- out of concern and also something from the big book:
For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.
He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for.
wicked car,though. ive loved mustangs for years.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy
...
Nothing like a solid resentment to start off your program. Consider it a gift from your sponsor.
Nothing like a solid resentment to start off your program. Consider it a gift from your sponsor.
But if he has a habit of making such cutting remakes.
Later to that b.s.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
Originally Posted by rebellovw
Thanks SWB.
Thanks Porcetta.
It isn't a subtle car at all - its a 2018 Mustang GT black 19inch wheels - it screems obscenities. It sticks out like a sore thumb. I love it.
Thanks Porcetta.
It isn't a subtle car at all - its a 2018 Mustang GT black 19inch wheels - it screems obscenities. It sticks out like a sore thumb. I love it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Berrybean
What others think isn't the important thing.
But... sometimes when someone passing comment eats at me it's because they've struck a nerve. Touches on a little truth that isn't comfortable for me. So maybe (and this is only a maybe, cause I obviously don't know you or your situation) ... maybe it's worth considering - is this a car? Or a fix? When I first got sober I resisted the steps like anything, and bought myself all kinds of crap to try to feel better. Ate all kinds of crap to make myself feel better. Fantasized about all kinds of other crap (that thankfully I didn't do) that I thought might make me feel better. 6 months on I felt like crap but had loads of stuff. And finally I settled down to do the recovery work I needed to do. THEN I started to feel better.
Not that this would be a reason not to enjoy those things (for what they are). It's just a case of not obsessing over them as if they have any deeper significance or meaning, because that distracts from the most important thing. Working on our recovery. You can use that car of yours for plenty of step 12 work when you get to that stage though. And if it's a gift of sobriety that you were able to get it, then you can soon share that as well.
Enjoy it. And enjoy that step work as well. Because those promises are the real prize.
BB
But... sometimes when someone passing comment eats at me it's because they've struck a nerve. Touches on a little truth that isn't comfortable for me. So maybe (and this is only a maybe, cause I obviously don't know you or your situation) ... maybe it's worth considering - is this a car? Or a fix? When I first got sober I resisted the steps like anything, and bought myself all kinds of crap to try to feel better. Ate all kinds of crap to make myself feel better. Fantasized about all kinds of other crap (that thankfully I didn't do) that I thought might make me feel better. 6 months on I felt like crap but had loads of stuff. And finally I settled down to do the recovery work I needed to do. THEN I started to feel better.
Not that this would be a reason not to enjoy those things (for what they are). It's just a case of not obsessing over them as if they have any deeper significance or meaning, because that distracts from the most important thing. Working on our recovery. You can use that car of yours for plenty of step 12 work when you get to that stage though. And if it's a gift of sobriety that you were able to get it, then you can soon share that as well.
Enjoy it. And enjoy that step work as well. Because those promises are the real prize.
BB
I obsessed on the car for months - thinking - damn it I'm 52 why do I want it so bad - what are the "real" reasons - seems so stereotypical. I told myself - wait patently to build the funds and hopefully it will pass like it passed a few years back.
Also - my job was an uncertainty since I work on a product that was once a big deal in the industry and now is considered old. Another company is now producing a product that is the new thing where many of our customers are moving over to it. We are still considered a cash cow to the company for the old customers that still depend upon it. I say this because I've been preparing for a layoff by getting into financial shape and considering it forced early retirement.
I was hoping that I could not be laid off/last by Sept where I get my yearly bonus.
We'll out of the blue came this huge promotion that has pretty much dispelled my beliefs that my time was short. I have more time!
Blah blah blah and sorry for rambling - the important point that I'm getting to:
When I was drinking - my outlook was bleak and my career was ending - I'd have enough to early retire on and drink comfortably.
Then I stopped drinking and found a new career path where I could work for lower pay and do something rewarding.
So my outlook has changed dramatically and I'm very optimistic that I'm 52 and I have many years left, I have a new career path and a new car is no big deal - people buy new cars all the time.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
There is no shame in working hard to have nice things.
Sounds like your sponsor was having a bad day and made an off the cuff remark. Don't let it bug you. Friends make stupid comments Sometimes, we office them out of love. Maybe your sponsor needs a little love right now. A slip after that many years must be devastating.
Enjoy your new car! I had a mustang, I loved it! I had a 15 year love affair with grand prix gtps. I wasn't giving the last one up, it was a lot of fights and tears to get me into my soccer mom SUV, which I love. In a very different way.
We are shopping for a used car for my MIL to use when she comes to visit. The conversations around the Sunday breakfast table with my 18 year old who is a big American muscle lover and I and my husband have been interesting.
they end with you are not putting grandma in that!
Sounds like your sponsor was having a bad day and made an off the cuff remark. Don't let it bug you. Friends make stupid comments Sometimes, we office them out of love. Maybe your sponsor needs a little love right now. A slip after that many years must be devastating.
Enjoy your new car! I had a mustang, I loved it! I had a 15 year love affair with grand prix gtps. I wasn't giving the last one up, it was a lot of fights and tears to get me into my soccer mom SUV, which I love. In a very different way.
We are shopping for a used car for my MIL to use when she comes to visit. The conversations around the Sunday breakfast table with my 18 year old who is a big American muscle lover and I and my husband have been interesting.
they end with you are not putting grandma in that!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 853
I think his comment says more about him than you...
People are jealous of others sometimes.
One thing I've realised after getting sober and staying off the booze for a period of time (2 years next week...yay me) is that people have problems and issues before / during / after drinking. There is a tendency to think sometimes that all the problems anyone has can be fixed by stopping their addiction but in truth the demons are still there, just not being fed by alcohol or whatever.
Enjoy your car!
People are jealous of others sometimes.
One thing I've realised after getting sober and staying off the booze for a period of time (2 years next week...yay me) is that people have problems and issues before / during / after drinking. There is a tendency to think sometimes that all the problems anyone has can be fixed by stopping their addiction but in truth the demons are still there, just not being fed by alcohol or whatever.
Enjoy your car!
Originally Posted by rebellovw
Hello all,
I'm 52 - male - and Sober for close to two months (have my 30 day chip.)
I go to AA meetings pretty much every day. I'm enjoying them and making an effort to make friends, shake hands and remember names.
I'm looking forward to the fellowship - it is starting slow - but I do know about 10 people. I do still feel somewhat alone at the meetings - but that is fine as I'm used to it (I work from home and pretty much am alone 90% of the day) - and I'm thinking it will only get better with time - not something to be concerned with.
Anyhow - yesterday I bought the car I always wanted. I've been planning for it for months and shopping etc to get the best price. After a great surprise job promotion I decided to pull the trigger.
Last two days have been tough (not drink wise - just finance wise) as it was a big purchase and I'll get over it. I didn't need the car but hey I am a car guy and now is my chance and I can afford it.
Sorry for rambling.
Anyhow - I drove it to the meeting last night and tonight. Tonight my sponsor saw me getting in it and pulled up. He kind of grinned but said something a bit snide "hope it fixes you.."
Not a big deal but I was already feeling guilty about buying let alone driving it to a meeting filled with folks that are not all doing that great.
I do not feel I should hide my successes - but perhaps I should.
Anyhow - I'm going to walk my dogs and get in my meditation.
Thanks for listening.
C
P.S. I just realized after proof reading this - that I also received a back handed congrats from a colleague over my Promotion - so perhaps two things that are bugging me unconsciously.
I'm 52 - male - and Sober for close to two months (have my 30 day chip.)
I go to AA meetings pretty much every day. I'm enjoying them and making an effort to make friends, shake hands and remember names.
I'm looking forward to the fellowship - it is starting slow - but I do know about 10 people. I do still feel somewhat alone at the meetings - but that is fine as I'm used to it (I work from home and pretty much am alone 90% of the day) - and I'm thinking it will only get better with time - not something to be concerned with.
Anyhow - yesterday I bought the car I always wanted. I've been planning for it for months and shopping etc to get the best price. After a great surprise job promotion I decided to pull the trigger.
Last two days have been tough (not drink wise - just finance wise) as it was a big purchase and I'll get over it. I didn't need the car but hey I am a car guy and now is my chance and I can afford it.
Sorry for rambling.
Anyhow - I drove it to the meeting last night and tonight. Tonight my sponsor saw me getting in it and pulled up. He kind of grinned but said something a bit snide "hope it fixes you.."
Not a big deal but I was already feeling guilty about buying let alone driving it to a meeting filled with folks that are not all doing that great.
I do not feel I should hide my successes - but perhaps I should.
Anyhow - I'm going to walk my dogs and get in my meditation.
Thanks for listening.
C
P.S. I just realized after proof reading this - that I also received a back handed congrats from a colleague over my Promotion - so perhaps two things that are bugging me unconsciously.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
rebellovw,
Congratulations on the fabulous new car!
God keeps bringing new, better and more into my life. He's also guided me into getting rid of crap, physically, mentally and emotionally. I've learned to say, "Thank you, God" for all things coming into my life and leaving me.
My story: I'm in al-anon. The God of my understanding has a great sense of humor. Sometimes I'm encouraged by Him to use other terms like Higher Power, Great Spirit, Universe.
My current car has way over 300,000 miles. About 80,000 miles ago, this car couldn't go over 75 mph without having the flashing engine light go off. Time and again, if I went faster, I'd have the flashing light and have to pull off to the side of the road, turn off my car and wait a couple minutes. Turning it on, I was good to go, at a slower pace.
This car needed work. I was including God in all my life and He kept leading me in other directions. When I'd really be concerned and have it in my mind to get that work done, something would happen to prevent it. Crazy things. 50,000 miles later, with many wonderful, healing adventures, the engine was running better. Driving faster was fine. It's been a journey, of surrender, of trust, of learning how to listen and see God at work in my life.
I've had many experiences of faith while on the road. Many, many random encounters with other travelers that weren't random at all. Thank you, God.
I'll have new cars in God's timing. When other people get new cars and houses I'm authentically happy for them. My journey is simply different, not better or worse.
As for sponsorship, sometimes a bad day or going through rough times is a part of all our journeys. It doesn't mean we have to travel along with that person. I don't know what I need in a sponsor. I used to think I did, and that's been a journey, too. So I pray. I meditate. I trust. And more is revealed, in God's timing.
Congratulations on the promotion and your recovery, too.
Congratulations on the fabulous new car!
God keeps bringing new, better and more into my life. He's also guided me into getting rid of crap, physically, mentally and emotionally. I've learned to say, "Thank you, God" for all things coming into my life and leaving me.
My story: I'm in al-anon. The God of my understanding has a great sense of humor. Sometimes I'm encouraged by Him to use other terms like Higher Power, Great Spirit, Universe.
My current car has way over 300,000 miles. About 80,000 miles ago, this car couldn't go over 75 mph without having the flashing engine light go off. Time and again, if I went faster, I'd have the flashing light and have to pull off to the side of the road, turn off my car and wait a couple minutes. Turning it on, I was good to go, at a slower pace.
This car needed work. I was including God in all my life and He kept leading me in other directions. When I'd really be concerned and have it in my mind to get that work done, something would happen to prevent it. Crazy things. 50,000 miles later, with many wonderful, healing adventures, the engine was running better. Driving faster was fine. It's been a journey, of surrender, of trust, of learning how to listen and see God at work in my life.
I've had many experiences of faith while on the road. Many, many random encounters with other travelers that weren't random at all. Thank you, God.
I'll have new cars in God's timing. When other people get new cars and houses I'm authentically happy for them. My journey is simply different, not better or worse.
As for sponsorship, sometimes a bad day or going through rough times is a part of all our journeys. It doesn't mean we have to travel along with that person. I don't know what I need in a sponsor. I used to think I did, and that's been a journey, too. So I pray. I meditate. I trust. And more is revealed, in God's timing.
Congratulations on the promotion and your recovery, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Thanks again everyone. After my dog walk yesterday I was able to get into a good place. That and the comments on this thread.
I'm glad it forced me to post here as I really had no one to talk to.
As I've said previously - it touched a nerve due to:
- financial guilt
- Giving in to a selfish want/desire
- Job insecurity
Today I'm more mad about the comment but not afraid of a sponsor that will tell it to me straight.
I'm going to distance myself a bit from him - until his attitude changes.
I feel very confident in my sobriety such that I would take a risk by accepting him as a sponsor when he has less sobriety time (after 30 year relapse) than I have now. But I may need to rethink that - it may not be worth taking a chance. We will say he has 2 strikes.
I'll say one more thing about the sponsor and no more - one thing that put me off about him yesterday and the day before (second strike) was his comments regarding not having anything to do during the day and being worried about that - only being able to go to a noon meeting and one after 5. I didn't want to give any advice - but I think if you really cannot find something meaningful to do to fill your time during the day - then you are in trouble. Volunteer - do some service (part of the AA program.) I will mention that should I hear this comment a 4th time.
Anyhow - I'm glad to have joined this site and look forward to ending this thread and starting a new one (as I have a much bigger problem.)
Thanks again all,
C.
I'm glad it forced me to post here as I really had no one to talk to.
As I've said previously - it touched a nerve due to:
- financial guilt
- Giving in to a selfish want/desire
- Job insecurity
Today I'm more mad about the comment but not afraid of a sponsor that will tell it to me straight.
I'm going to distance myself a bit from him - until his attitude changes.
I feel very confident in my sobriety such that I would take a risk by accepting him as a sponsor when he has less sobriety time (after 30 year relapse) than I have now. But I may need to rethink that - it may not be worth taking a chance. We will say he has 2 strikes.
I'll say one more thing about the sponsor and no more - one thing that put me off about him yesterday and the day before (second strike) was his comments regarding not having anything to do during the day and being worried about that - only being able to go to a noon meeting and one after 5. I didn't want to give any advice - but I think if you really cannot find something meaningful to do to fill your time during the day - then you are in trouble. Volunteer - do some service (part of the AA program.) I will mention that should I hear this comment a 4th time.
Anyhow - I'm glad to have joined this site and look forward to ending this thread and starting a new one (as I have a much bigger problem.)
Thanks again all,
C.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
while it varies greatly on what gets shared with a sponsor, or even how often one talks with or meets with their sponsor, i'm curious - had you even talked about the car issue with your sponsor at all? or the feelings you had surrounding the purchase?
on the one hand i've seen a lot of people try to fill up their new sober life with shiny new things - my 2nd ex before we got together grabbed himself a shiny new wife and a shiny new car and by year 3 of recovery was driving an AMC pacer cuz the shiny car got repo'd and holding divorce papers cuz the shiny new bride left him for his sponsee......to his credit, he never did drink or use over either loss.
however, sobriety doesn't mean we rebuke any signs of prosperity or growth either. as long as we remain aware that no matter how big the engine, or how fast it goes, that it is ultimately JUST a car and can only drive in 20mph in 20 mph gridlock.
on the one hand i've seen a lot of people try to fill up their new sober life with shiny new things - my 2nd ex before we got together grabbed himself a shiny new wife and a shiny new car and by year 3 of recovery was driving an AMC pacer cuz the shiny car got repo'd and holding divorce papers cuz the shiny new bride left him for his sponsee......to his credit, he never did drink or use over either loss.
however, sobriety doesn't mean we rebuke any signs of prosperity or growth either. as long as we remain aware that no matter how big the engine, or how fast it goes, that it is ultimately JUST a car and can only drive in 20mph in 20 mph gridlock.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
while it varies greatly on what gets shared with a sponsor, or even how often one talks with or meets with their sponsor, i'm curious - had you even talked about the car issue with your sponsor at all? or the feelings you had surrounding the purchase?
on the one hand i've seen a lot of people try to fill up their new sober life with shiny new things - my 2nd ex before we got together grabbed himself a shiny new wife and a shiny new car and by year 3 of recovery was driving an AMC pacer cuz the shiny car got repo'd and holding divorce papers cuz the shiny new bride left him for his sponsee......to his credit, he never did drink or use over either loss.
however, sobriety doesn't mean we rebuke any signs of prosperity or growth either. as long as we remain aware that no matter how big the engine, or how fast it goes, that it is ultimately JUST a car and can only drive in 20mph in 20 mph gridlock.
on the one hand i've seen a lot of people try to fill up their new sober life with shiny new things - my 2nd ex before we got together grabbed himself a shiny new wife and a shiny new car and by year 3 of recovery was driving an AMC pacer cuz the shiny car got repo'd and holding divorce papers cuz the shiny new bride left him for his sponsee......to his credit, he never did drink or use over either loss.
however, sobriety doesn't mean we rebuke any signs of prosperity or growth either. as long as we remain aware that no matter how big the engine, or how fast it goes, that it is ultimately JUST a car and can only drive in 20mph in 20 mph gridlock.
Also - we have only talked a couple of times (he has been my sponsor for @ 3 weeks) and I have as part of working steps 1,2 (his request) made a list of unmanagabilities and went over it him. He was great - no judgement in the slightest and said I did a great job.
As far as:
" my 2nd ex before we got together grabbed himself a shiny new wife and a shiny new car and by year 3" - I'm not that guy. At least I hope not. But I do feel I have a new life in sobriety and new bright and rewarding future.
I'll let this blow over and I will eventually discuss this with him.
- no gridlock here - lots of space and mountains!
Thanks!
C
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