August252015

^^^ No drama in relationships! One of the best things in sobriety.

Gottalife

My take is that the 27 days must count for something. I had two spells of sobriety before finding recovery. The first I am not sure of in terms of how long. 10 weeks in the laughing academy, and I possibly lasted another couple of months.

A nurses report on my circumstances a week or two prior to my resumption of drinking, stated I was living in absolute squalor. I could hardly count that as recovery as I was totally unable to live successfully out in the world, on my own resources. I had learnt all sorts of things about alcohol and alcoholism, but was unable to live a decent life. I also learnt something of what I later came to know as the spiritual malady.

Second time was after 3 weeks sobriety accomplished by attending a few aa meetings and not drinking. I went off for one more go and learned about the phenomenon of craving. The plan was to have a couple of beers and be home by six. I got home at six, just four days later. In that spell I learned a bit more about what doesn’t work. My half hearted attempt got me nowhere. I also , for the first time fully realised I was a real alcoholic and I needed to get busy with the program I’d I wanted to recover.

Well, recover I did. As spromised, I found permanent recovery and a way of living that has been satisfying to say the least. Those dry spells I had were not really time recovered, but they were still valuable if only in learning the lessons about what brought them to an end.

sokatie

I was furious at your husband for saying your marriage won't last you not drinking! I'm glad he came around and understands you need his support. I hope he continues to give it to you. Is he still drinking in front of you?

Gottalife

I had a bit of a laugh about it. It is a fact that a dry but unrecovered alcoholic can be a lot harder to live with than the drunk version.

sokatie

Maybe it is the un-supportive drinker who is hard to live with?

SaturatedSeize

I think if the day count is something you want to be a part of your recovery, then it's important you keep it accurate. A slip is a slip, they happen. The fact you went as long as you did without one was a major learning experience for you and nothing to be ashamed of AT ALL. I'd start over, for me, obtaining set goals of sobriety is important, and I'd want to rely accurately on my achievements.

Congrats on the surprising turn of events with your husband, so happy for you two!

August252015

I'm with Gottalife here- living with my mother in her dry drunk periods was torture. A different kind of torture, and for me, worse because there was no "explanation" for her wretched behavior.

Then again, I couldn't live with an unsupportive drinker. Or, truthfully, anyone not sober, which means for me, someone in recovery. I don't want anyone but my (in recovery) husband- but I could not and would not be with him if he was just a sober person. My dad had 17 years with my mom before her alcoholism was full blown- very different than my chosen beginning.

Ultimately, we all need supportive partners, yet still have to live sober for ourselves.

icewater1961

I was in a long time relationship once and we went to counseling. The counselor suggested that my then boyfriend stop having a bottle of wine every night in order to support my recovery. He is a highly functioning lawyer and has never been in trouble because of alcohol. But he did not last the two weeks that the counselor designated. Whether this was good counseling is another story. The longest I have lasted sober since I became a problem alcoholic was 2 years but I have had multiple day Ones and disaster relapses since. That has not been an excuse not to start again. I have seen in AA a fellow pick up a white chip after 7 years sober. How does one relapse after 7 years? But he is sober now. Do what it takes to recover! And kudos to you for all those sober days!

wibble

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much, a little bit is fine if it helps it not happen again but don't allow yourself to wallow. You've done too well to get to this point to throw it all away.

Your husband sounds like a charmer!!!!

I can say honestly if my wife said that to me i'd say "see ya later!"

Me being sober comes before ANYTHING

I always think its worth thinking about why someone is saying those things, i've had similar conversations with friends etc and i'd say the majority of the time its because they are looking to rationalise or justify their own drinking.

If your husband drinks daily then he has an alcohol problem or more than likely is an alcoholic and is seeing you quit as a threat to his normalisation of alcohol abuse/use in the home.

MindfulMan

I don't care about days. What I do care is about not drinking. Today.

Past is past.

rjyerkes

I'm actually not counting each day. I'm focusing on the big picture right now. So far, this month, I normally would have drank at least 25 bottles of wine as well as probably a case or so of beer. Currently I've only drank 5 bottles of wine. I'm incredibly proud of that no matter what. I'm not gonna get caught up in semantics right now. It's too early

The main thing is that we're making progress

Sophie11

It’s a personal choice, and I would do whatever best supports your recovery and keeps you motivated.

August252015

Respectfully, what progress is it you're making? Do you want to quit- is this a kind of tapering?

For this alcoholic, any version of moderation, drink reduction, whatever you call it, would only keep me drinking - indefinitely, or more accurately, forever.

Peacefrog1013

Hey my first post is a response to your first post lol. Technically yes I’d recommend you start again from day 1 but don’t beat yourself up over it or dwell on it. It was a learning experience. Now you KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt you have to abstain 100%. I bet the next 27 days will fly by. If you get to another 27 days alcohol free, then cancel out the slip up LOL. I’m kidding but the most important thing is to not beat yourself up over the slip. Just pick yourself up and move forward

rjyerkes

Well, I guess what I'm looking for is just a more rewarding and fulfilling life. I've known for many years that I can't stop drinking once I start so I began drinking only at home about 7-8 years ago. Over that time it's progressed to daily drinking - as it does - and lately I've stopped enjoying it.

I've tried and had limited success with counting days most likely because I have a VERY all or nothing personality not to mention a problem with people trying to tell me how I should "live".

Someone said in a different thread that so many people in AA are raging alcoholics and they're always the loudest critics of everyone. That's how I see the whole world. The ones who are the most determined to tell us how to "be" are always the sickest and most devious ones among us.

I totally understand going cold turkey and getting accountability with others and especially AA. I understand it but I can't do it. I have too many personal issues with trust and believing that anyone has my best interest at heart (other than the few peeps in my life). Abuse in my young years programmed me to believe in me....period.

Breaking free from my all or nothing mentality has allowed me to be 20 days sober so far this month. Previously my sobriety would've been over at my first lapse. Now, I can say "hey, one day doesn't mean I can't do it.....just gotta forget about it and think about today"

I know this cannot work for everyone but for me, someone who was suicidal by age 12, I've come a long way baby!

p.s. I know I'm an alcoholic and I can't moderate. I'm not interested in moderating. Trying to just do my best day by day

August252015

^^Rjy - that is a very honest post. You are brave for addressing your demons - I have my own and my thought process has certainly changed and evolved as I finally chose permanent sobriety. Hope to see you around here. Take care of yourself.

Back to the OP - how are you today, Onward?

Dee74

welcome peacefrog

D

onward17

Hi Sokatie,

Yes, he does drink in front of me, albeit subtly, as in drinking from an opaque glass and puttting the hard stuff in back of the top shelf. Strangely, it doesn't really bother me. The real challenge at this point is outside of the house, namely at dinner parties and restaurants.

One day at a time is the best I can do.

BTW...I've decided to reset my sobriety calendar, which puts me at Day 3 today.

Stay strong everyone, make this a fun and sober weekend

Starsabove32

I didn't. Since October I have drank on 3 occasions. And I say that to people because that is massive for me, and any slip was a journey to acceptance and a learning curve. My last one was my birthday in April, and I'm aware it's not that long ago and I accept that. But no one is going to take away all those months of achievement and development that I worked so hard for- because in that time I've gotten a new job- one I actually enjoy, gave up smoking, took up guitar, took up running and healthy eating, I left a relationship of 5 years with a functional alcoholic whom I loved a lot, I bought my very own car, I paid off an overdraft I had for years, I moved house.... I got through it all and did it all without alcohol. And that's all since October minus those 3 separate nights out. Imagine what could be achieved upto a year 😁😁😎😎😎

onward17

Hi August,

Actually, I feel great since my post! Although I've decided to start again at Day 1, I feel like I've learned so much in my 27 days of sobriety before the slip:
1. whenever I am in a very stressful situation, I need to physically remove myself, if possible - go to a meeting, go out for a coffee and log into SR , etc.
2. know my main triggers: weekends and especially making dinner on weekends ( cooking without sipping on wine was almost sacrilegious! lol)
3. a stressful day at work always led to a glass of wine ( and 2, and 3...) as soon as I got home. Now, I just fix myself a cup of tea.

Actually, this being Day 3 ( and not Day 30) does not bother in the least. I am proud of my battle scars as they remind of what my family and myself have been through with this insidious disease.