Ive been coming here for years... first post
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Join Date: May 2018
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Ive been coming here for years... first post
I've been coming to this site for over a year now, but never registered because I came here for answers, & all of my questions had been asked and answered before.
Through every aspect, actively using, with drawl, sobriety, relapse. I swear my relationship has had 20 years worth of life in its 4 years.
July of last year (almost 1 yr) suboxone saved my finances life. If it were not for the suboxone clinic he would absolutely be dead right now. If there were only 1 thing I were able to keep from all I have learned thru his addiction to (pills as a start) heroin and really anything, it's to always trust my gut more than him. I can accept that.
My gut is waking up. My intuition is saying something is up, but I can't put my finger on it. A couple months ago he started abusing his suboxone. Running out early and getting back into addict cycles. Now please bear in mind that the reason suboxone worked is because he wanted to be sober. Also, something I think it's important know is that my fiance is the worse kind of addict, if that's possible, because he isn't getting high due to some underlying issue that we can work through. He gets high because he loves the feeling of being high,. On anything. Opiate preferred but as an addict if it's there he will do it. All of it. An adrenaline junkie who's adrenaline is substances.
His frame of mind is not okay. Getting back into lying and sneaking. He's played at his current prescribed amount and so has been taking more to get the high feeling. Red flag #1. As if I couldn't tell by just looking at him, he has also started lying about taking more. Red flag #2. He KNOWS I know, and he knows there is no way it won't come to light throughout the month, but is not caring about that. He's deciding it's worth it in the moment. Red flag #3. He recently spoke to me about a new co-worker he has, & bevaus e he typically is very open with me, he has accidentally told me things that lead me to believe that this person is an active heroin user (he says he's young and just does whatever), as soon as he told me about this guy my intuition went on full alert. It's my super power, it's how I've managed to save his life so many times. (Some days it was a trip to the store and some days as soon as he left, I just knew, & I went and found him. Dead. With a needle in his arm. I have self diagnosed PTSD from some of the positions I've found him in.) My redflag for the coworker being what I said is that when I said something negative about him he got defensive of him. Red flag #4.
A few things that absolutely happen during his opiate,heroin, use: immediate weight loss. My fiance is solid beefed up muscle. He loses weight in his face immediately and his healthy walking weight is 220. When we started suboxone he was at 160 pounds. He never quite gained all his weight back with the suboxone, but he looked healthy. He's starting to drop pounds again. Red flag #5. He had a hard time peeing. It's not a complete block up like before, but he's having trouble with it. Red flag #6. His search history (yeah I'm that girl. I learned the hard way I have to be.) A couple weeks ago was "different kinds of insulin." What I learned from the past is that this was something he would look up for purchasing high quantities of needles at the pharmacy. What he told me was that he ran into someone at the store who had an insulin pump and it was kind of a trigger for him and he just kind of ended up there. That's ********. Red flag #6.
He got his monthly suboxone script yesterday. I counted it this morning (it's placed into separate daily dosages) and he's already 1 day short. I searched his stuff and found a stash of suboxone , possibly the missing day, with 6 mg of the daily 18 he is prescribed. That would mean that yesterday he took 30 mg of suboxone. I guess that would make sense as he looked high as **** yesterday but obviously ... Red flag #7
So I'm very conflicted right now. If he's taking that much suboxone (a separate issue but a very serious one nonetheless) that means he's not using, or he'd be sick. Like really sick, not the "stomach pain hot shower pooping" sick the last couple days. Red flag #8. But he's acting like the beginnings of using again. Something is up. I can't guarantee he's taking all his subs. I could maybe guarantee an 8 mg pill, but he could totally cuff the rest. I see no signs of track marks but I know there's ways to hide it. Maybe shooting the opioid replicating portion of it? I know this is possible... I'm not finding signs of rigs yet besides the insulin thing on the search history, but everytime he gets good I get better which forces him to get better, so Idk... yet. Would it be possible for him to be getting high and still take his subs?
It's something, & I'm gearomg up for my fight, but I can't start grilling him because of that "what if I'm wrong". I need proof one way or the other. He knows when I know something, and typically we cam just talk it out, but he's back to being defensive about questions. Red flag # gazillion.
Can someone talk this out with me?
Through every aspect, actively using, with drawl, sobriety, relapse. I swear my relationship has had 20 years worth of life in its 4 years.
July of last year (almost 1 yr) suboxone saved my finances life. If it were not for the suboxone clinic he would absolutely be dead right now. If there were only 1 thing I were able to keep from all I have learned thru his addiction to (pills as a start) heroin and really anything, it's to always trust my gut more than him. I can accept that.
My gut is waking up. My intuition is saying something is up, but I can't put my finger on it. A couple months ago he started abusing his suboxone. Running out early and getting back into addict cycles. Now please bear in mind that the reason suboxone worked is because he wanted to be sober. Also, something I think it's important know is that my fiance is the worse kind of addict, if that's possible, because he isn't getting high due to some underlying issue that we can work through. He gets high because he loves the feeling of being high,. On anything. Opiate preferred but as an addict if it's there he will do it. All of it. An adrenaline junkie who's adrenaline is substances.
His frame of mind is not okay. Getting back into lying and sneaking. He's played at his current prescribed amount and so has been taking more to get the high feeling. Red flag #1. As if I couldn't tell by just looking at him, he has also started lying about taking more. Red flag #2. He KNOWS I know, and he knows there is no way it won't come to light throughout the month, but is not caring about that. He's deciding it's worth it in the moment. Red flag #3. He recently spoke to me about a new co-worker he has, & bevaus e he typically is very open with me, he has accidentally told me things that lead me to believe that this person is an active heroin user (he says he's young and just does whatever), as soon as he told me about this guy my intuition went on full alert. It's my super power, it's how I've managed to save his life so many times. (Some days it was a trip to the store and some days as soon as he left, I just knew, & I went and found him. Dead. With a needle in his arm. I have self diagnosed PTSD from some of the positions I've found him in.) My redflag for the coworker being what I said is that when I said something negative about him he got defensive of him. Red flag #4.
A few things that absolutely happen during his opiate,heroin, use: immediate weight loss. My fiance is solid beefed up muscle. He loses weight in his face immediately and his healthy walking weight is 220. When we started suboxone he was at 160 pounds. He never quite gained all his weight back with the suboxone, but he looked healthy. He's starting to drop pounds again. Red flag #5. He had a hard time peeing. It's not a complete block up like before, but he's having trouble with it. Red flag #6. His search history (yeah I'm that girl. I learned the hard way I have to be.) A couple weeks ago was "different kinds of insulin." What I learned from the past is that this was something he would look up for purchasing high quantities of needles at the pharmacy. What he told me was that he ran into someone at the store who had an insulin pump and it was kind of a trigger for him and he just kind of ended up there. That's ********. Red flag #6.
He got his monthly suboxone script yesterday. I counted it this morning (it's placed into separate daily dosages) and he's already 1 day short. I searched his stuff and found a stash of suboxone , possibly the missing day, with 6 mg of the daily 18 he is prescribed. That would mean that yesterday he took 30 mg of suboxone. I guess that would make sense as he looked high as **** yesterday but obviously ... Red flag #7
So I'm very conflicted right now. If he's taking that much suboxone (a separate issue but a very serious one nonetheless) that means he's not using, or he'd be sick. Like really sick, not the "stomach pain hot shower pooping" sick the last couple days. Red flag #8. But he's acting like the beginnings of using again. Something is up. I can't guarantee he's taking all his subs. I could maybe guarantee an 8 mg pill, but he could totally cuff the rest. I see no signs of track marks but I know there's ways to hide it. Maybe shooting the opioid replicating portion of it? I know this is possible... I'm not finding signs of rigs yet besides the insulin thing on the search history, but everytime he gets good I get better which forces him to get better, so Idk... yet. Would it be possible for him to be getting high and still take his subs?
It's something, & I'm gearomg up for my fight, but I can't start grilling him because of that "what if I'm wrong". I need proof one way or the other. He knows when I know something, and typically we cam just talk it out, but he's back to being defensive about questions. Red flag # gazillion.
Can someone talk this out with me?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by jadedinlove 
I'm gearomg up for my fight,
No healthy relationship would look even a drop like this, and it's only going to get worse with time. Moving on would be your best choice, along with perhaps attending alanon or a therapist.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I don't know what to say. I've been clean off pain meds for a bit over 4 years now.
Addict behavior is addict behavior. It's extremely hard to cope with the mental things that happen. I didn't switch to a maintenance drug, I was tired of the addiction and I just quit so withdrawal for me was a solid 18 month ordeal.
If the person does not want to clean up they wont. It's easy to give in to the pull of the drug and when doing so you know you're going to be lying about it. The two go hand in hand. Running might be something to put some serious thought into.
Addict behavior is addict behavior. It's extremely hard to cope with the mental things that happen. I didn't switch to a maintenance drug, I was tired of the addiction and I just quit so withdrawal for me was a solid 18 month ordeal.
If the person does not want to clean up they wont. It's easy to give in to the pull of the drug and when doing so you know you're going to be lying about it. The two go hand in hand. Running might be something to put some serious thought into.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 958
Disclaimer: I've never been in a romantic relationship with an addict (to my knowledge).
However, I have close family members who were and are heroin addicts. Relating with them is a constant episodes of lying, stretching the truth, changing the story, arguing, disappearing, showing up again, disappearing, being in jail, being stolen from ...and on an on. It's exhausting.
Those experiences alone have soured me from being involved with an addict as a significant other. To me it's a deal breaker.
Best of luck to you.
-sb
However, I have close family members who were and are heroin addicts. Relating with them is a constant episodes of lying, stretching the truth, changing the story, arguing, disappearing, showing up again, disappearing, being in jail, being stolen from ...and on an on. It's exhausting.
Those experiences alone have soured me from being involved with an addict as a significant other. To me it's a deal breaker.
Best of luck to you.
-sb
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Forward12
Honestly the only thing you should be doing is packing your bags and leaving this relationship. It sounds like you have 0 trust in him (for good reason) and your co-dependency looks to be at the point of obsession.
No healthy relationship would look even a drop like this, and it's only going to get worse with time. Moving on would be your best choice, along with perhaps attending alanon or a therapist.
No healthy relationship would look even a drop like this, and it's only going to get worse with time. Moving on would be your best choice, along with perhaps attending alanon or a therapist.
Previously, I was naive. I don't want to do that again. I don't want his using to have escalated to such extremes by the time I realize what happening. If there is achmave to get ahead of a problem before it gets back to a problem and recognize the warning signs for what they are then I want to do that.
No, I absolutely do not trust the addict. Anyone who does is wrong. My fiance may be an addict but that addict is not my fiance, if that makes sense.
He does want to be clean and sober. As a heroin addict one slip up is the only amount of slip ups it takes to be at the bottom of the mountain again.
I'm hoping beyond hope I'm wrong, but I'm not going to wait til it's obvious there is no chance for hope.
I am absolutely obsessed. I'm obsessed with the father of my children and the love of my life being around IF I can help it. I'm not naive, I'm not blind, but if I have a chance to nip something in the bud I will.
Doing the things I have done saved his life. He wants sobriety, but I'm recognizing a cycle beginning to happen and I want advice from those with experience if there is a way for me to ATTEMPT to block it before we it ends up full circle. It isn't there yet.
I'm not packing our bags and leaving... yet.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by tekink
I don't know what to say. I've been clean off pain meds for a bit over 4 years now.
Addict behavior is addict behavior. It's extremely hard to cope with the mental things that happen. I didn't switch to a maintenance drug, I was tired of the addiction and I just quit so withdrawal for me was a solid 18 month ordeal.
If the person does not want to clean up they wont. It's easy to give in to the pull of the drug and when doing so you know you're going to be lying about it. The two go hand in hand. Running might be something to put some serious thought into.
Addict behavior is addict behavior. It's extremely hard to cope with the mental things that happen. I didn't switch to a maintenance drug, I was tired of the addiction and I just quit so withdrawal for me was a solid 18 month ordeal.
If the person does not want to clean up they wont. It's easy to give in to the pull of the drug and when doing so you know you're going to be lying about it. The two go hand in hand. Running might be something to put some serious thought into.
Idk I think maybe I'm doing this forum wrong or maybe I provided more information than I should have. I was just trying for complete honesty. I'm really looking for someone to walk me through my red flags and try to help me take a step back and look at everything from a knowledgeable perspective. Ask questions. Talk it out with me.
I know I can't live like that again.
We live in an area where he seems to not be able to get away from it. An epidemic in a small tri county area. That's why he began the suboxone. The original goal was to get into a frame of mind where he could begin breaking the cycles. That was happening with glowing success including him beginning to taper down his suboxone dosages. Something happened in the last month. Something us different.
I can't do this again. Neither can he.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by jadedinlove
I am absolutely obsessed. I'm obsessed with the father of my children and the love of my life being around IF I can help it. I'm not naive, I'm not blind, but if I have a chance to nip something in the bud I will.
Doing the things I have done saved his life. He wants sobriety, but I'm recognizing a cycle beginning to happen and I want advice from those with experience if there is a way for me to ATTEMPT to block it before we it ends up full circle. It isn't there yet.
I'm not packing our bags and leaving... yet.
Doing the things I have done saved his life. He wants sobriety, but I'm recognizing a cycle beginning to happen and I want advice from those with experience if there is a way for me to ATTEMPT to block it before we it ends up full circle. It isn't there yet.
I'm not packing our bags and leaving... yet.
Also go ham on Googling "codependency" and read all you can.
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