Obsession to drink coming back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Obsession to drink coming back
Hello, I got sober 13 years ago and all desires to drink were removed. This year I moved, got sick, and left my husband for someone else. 3 months ago the obsession and urges to drink started coming back. I have gotten a new sponsor, started my steps again, am involved in a bunch of meetings and I'm sponsoring. I am scared I will never be free again. The obsession is with me every day and I would rather die than drink again. I think of suicide all the time. Has anyone ever had this happen to them after years of sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
I am only 2.5 years sober, but definitely always vigilant. It is fantastic that you are recognizing this. What have you done to stay sober over the past four years? Can you think of anything to add in?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Delilah1 
I am only 2.5 years sober, but definitely always vigilant. It is fantastic that you are recognizing this. What have you done to stay sober over the past four years? Can you think of anything to add in?
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,632
Hi hopingtobfree, firstly, congratulations on 13 years sober! What an achievement!
You’ve been through a lot in the last year, perhaps some turmoil, moving home on its own can be stressful, which in turn may have turned into craving alcohol.
It’s been a while since you craved like this but remember your tool box. Pull it out of the cupboard and dust it down and open it.
Might be worth a visit to doctors with your thoughts of suicide. After all you’ve been through perhaps you have depression.
Take care
You’ve been through a lot in the last year, perhaps some turmoil, moving home on its own can be stressful, which in turn may have turned into craving alcohol.
It’s been a while since you craved like this but remember your tool box. Pull it out of the cupboard and dust it down and open it.
Might be worth a visit to doctors with your thoughts of suicide. After all you’ve been through perhaps you have depression.
Take care
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,402
Sometimes there might be mental health issues which need addressing such as depression. It might be worth talking your feelings through with a medical professional. It sounds like you’re doing as much as you can in the recovery front. Also don’t beat yourself up; it wouldn’t be normal to not feel rough when something incredibly testing like this happens. As long as you stay sober and seek the necessary help it will all work out.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
Hi Hopingtobfree - welcome 
I have no experience to share but no doubt others will
To me the measure of recovery is not how much we think about drinking rather it's what we do in response?
You did a good smart and brave thing coming here
I'm worried you are so low tho - have you considered talking to someone on a crisis line?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
D
I have no experience to share but no doubt others will
To me the measure of recovery is not how much we think about drinking rather it's what we do in response?
You did a good smart and brave thing coming here
I'm worried you are so low tho - have you considered talking to someone on a crisis line?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
D
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Glad you're here
I heard an NPR piece about 2 years ago about a man who watched a gory slasher movie and then became obsessed with thoughts of killing his wife. He was afraid to be around kitchen knives for fear he would start doing violence. This went on for months and he decided to seek therapy for his "violent disposition".
Long story short - he isn't violent, he is obsessive. He wasn't having violent thoughts because he wanted to do violence. He was having violent thoughts because the thoughts were so abhorrent to him that he couldn't stop obsessing on the fact that he was even having such thoughts at all.
As part of his therapy his shrink had him hold a knife to the shrink's own throat to show him that even given the opportunity to be violent he would not choose to be violent. It didn't make him happy to hold that knife, it made him miserable.
Perhaps something like that is going on with you? Perhaps you don't really want to drink, you are just obsessing on having the thoughts about drinking and freaking out a bit? Maybe this might be something to discuss with a professional?
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
I heard an NPR piece about 2 years ago about a man who watched a gory slasher movie and then became obsessed with thoughts of killing his wife. He was afraid to be around kitchen knives for fear he would start doing violence. This went on for months and he decided to seek therapy for his "violent disposition".
Long story short - he isn't violent, he is obsessive. He wasn't having violent thoughts because he wanted to do violence. He was having violent thoughts because the thoughts were so abhorrent to him that he couldn't stop obsessing on the fact that he was even having such thoughts at all.
As part of his therapy his shrink had him hold a knife to the shrink's own throat to show him that even given the opportunity to be violent he would not choose to be violent. It didn't make him happy to hold that knife, it made him miserable.
Perhaps something like that is going on with you? Perhaps you don't really want to drink, you are just obsessing on having the thoughts about drinking and freaking out a bit? Maybe this might be something to discuss with a professional?
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Niagara Region, ON, Canada
Posts: 89
Please see a doctor. Feeling suicidal is something no one should ever have to put up with, and there is so much help and support out there. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but as others have said with everything going on in your life recently you could be going through a bout of depression. I speak from personal experience that depression and mental health issues can really mess with your recovery as it can be hard to differentiate between what is being caused by alcoholism (a spiritual malady in AA speak) and what is being caused by a separate illness.
AA is awesome but sometimes outside help is needed. Please, please seek it.
AA is awesome but sometimes outside help is needed. Please, please seek it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
So I'm just going to wing it here, but you said you left your husband for someone else. You didn't just get divorced (not that that is a simple thing), but you left for someone else. Is that all 'dealt' with? I have some experience with this situation and the guilt that it generated for me was awful. He flipped out, blamed me for everything. I may be reaching here but I was wondering if that might be at the core of your discontent? Some thing has to be driving the change....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,402
Originally Posted by Madnellie
Please see a doctor. Feeling suicidal is something no one should ever have to put up with, and there is so much help and support out there. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but as others have said with everything going on in your life recently you could be going through a bout of depression. I speak from personal experience that depression and mental health issues can really mess with your recovery as it can be hard to differentiate between what is being caused by alcoholism (a spiritual malady in AA speak) and what is being caused by a separate illness.
AA is awesome but sometimes outside help is needed. Please, please seek it.
AA is awesome but sometimes outside help is needed. Please, please seek it.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I would rather die than drink again too. You seem to be ticking all three sides of the aa circle triangle, recovery, unity and service, so in that sense your sobriety ought to be stable.
Two possibilities come to mind. One would be the earlier suggestion if perhaps another illness.
The second, is a cause and effect thing that seems to sometimes happen to long time sober folk, which is why I pay attention. The story goes aa member drifts away from the program in various ways, mainly stops working with others. Feelings of discontent etc return. Thinking, can’t be booze because I haven’t drank for such a long time, doctor agrees, sees no evidence of alcoholism as he would understand it. Prescribes certain medication/s of a type that works on the same part of the brain that alcohol does and inadvertently triggers the phenomenon of craving.
This sort of thing, a chemical substance triggering the craving for alcohol, my drug of no choice, has happened to me in the past.
Is it the obsession that is back, like thoughts that you can drink normally this time, or is it the craving? In my experience we may not notice the obsession in any meaningful way, but the craving could be strongly felt. If it was the obsession, the first thing to go would be the defences, such as posting here.
Two possibilities come to mind. One would be the earlier suggestion if perhaps another illness.
The second, is a cause and effect thing that seems to sometimes happen to long time sober folk, which is why I pay attention. The story goes aa member drifts away from the program in various ways, mainly stops working with others. Feelings of discontent etc return. Thinking, can’t be booze because I haven’t drank for such a long time, doctor agrees, sees no evidence of alcoholism as he would understand it. Prescribes certain medication/s of a type that works on the same part of the brain that alcohol does and inadvertently triggers the phenomenon of craving.
This sort of thing, a chemical substance triggering the craving for alcohol, my drug of no choice, has happened to me in the past.
Is it the obsession that is back, like thoughts that you can drink normally this time, or is it the craving? In my experience we may not notice the obsession in any meaningful way, but the craving could be strongly felt. If it was the obsession, the first thing to go would be the defences, such as posting here.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
There are somethings worse than picking up another drink for me. You have posted one, imo. Before taking that final action I would drink, no doubt and seek professional help. Hopefully no in that order.......
However, once I do drink the phenomenon of craving kicks in because I am bodily different. This is what separates us, as you likely are well aware. So I have to not pick up that first one, as we know. Once I was told by a sponsor I was trying to get an A in AA. I was doing all those things you describe and for me at the time is made me more miserable, not better.
I begin most days with meditating on the prayer of St. Francis. For me, there is a lifetime of work in it to be done.
Good for you on sharing this. Have you brought it into the light at a meeting or with your sponsor? And of course outside help. Prayer coming your way, friend.
However, once I do drink the phenomenon of craving kicks in because I am bodily different. This is what separates us, as you likely are well aware. So I have to not pick up that first one, as we know. Once I was told by a sponsor I was trying to get an A in AA. I was doing all those things you describe and for me at the time is made me more miserable, not better.
I begin most days with meditating on the prayer of St. Francis. For me, there is a lifetime of work in it to be done.
Good for you on sharing this. Have you brought it into the light at a meeting or with your sponsor? And of course outside help. Prayer coming your way, friend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 701
"Has anyone ever had this happen to them after years of sobriety?"
I had ten years of sobriety in which I raised (father) my daughter by myself. Got her through high school, into college...
Thought if ANYONE deserved a drink it was me!
And hell quickly ensued.
I had ten years of sobriety in which I raised (father) my daughter by myself. Got her through high school, into college...
Thought if ANYONE deserved a drink it was me!
And hell quickly ensued.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
Hoping - my heart aches for you. Please seek help, you are entitled to receive support from your state if you are not on private health insurance. Mental health professionals can help you access assistance. you know running from one relationship to another is not the answer but a clue that you need to focus on YOU. You cannot give what you don't have, and maybe this is a light in your storm for changing direction? You are here on SR for a reason, and that is to access people like me that have been down the depths of life and share our stories. I hope you continue reading all the threads and share with us your struggles, your trials, your steps to become the awesome person you were meant to be. We believe in ourselves. Let us help you become your awesome self.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I would rather die than drink again too. You seem to be ticking all three sides of the aa circle triangle, recovery, unity and service, so in that sense your sobriety ought to be stable.
Two possibilities come to mind. One would be the earlier suggestion if perhaps another illness.
The second, is a cause and effect thing that seems to sometimes happen to long time sober folk, which is why I pay attention. The story goes aa member drifts away from the program in various ways, mainly stops working with others. Feelings of discontent etc return. Thinking, can’t be booze because I haven’t drank for such a long time, doctor agrees, sees no evidence of alcoholism as he would understand it. Prescribes certain medication/s of a type that works on the same part of the brain that alcohol does and inadvertently triggers the phenomenon of craving.
This sort of thing, a chemical substance triggering the craving for alcohol, my drug of no choice, has happened to me in the past.
Is it the obsession that is back, like thoughts that you can drink normally this time, or is it the craving? In my experience we may not notice the obsession in any meaningful way, but the craving could be strongly felt. If it was the obsession, the first thing to go would be the defences, such as posting here.
Two possibilities come to mind. One would be the earlier suggestion if perhaps another illness.
The second, is a cause and effect thing that seems to sometimes happen to long time sober folk, which is why I pay attention. The story goes aa member drifts away from the program in various ways, mainly stops working with others. Feelings of discontent etc return. Thinking, can’t be booze because I haven’t drank for such a long time, doctor agrees, sees no evidence of alcoholism as he would understand it. Prescribes certain medication/s of a type that works on the same part of the brain that alcohol does and inadvertently triggers the phenomenon of craving.
This sort of thing, a chemical substance triggering the craving for alcohol, my drug of no choice, has happened to me in the past.
Is it the obsession that is back, like thoughts that you can drink normally this time, or is it the craving? In my experience we may not notice the obsession in any meaningful way, but the craving could be strongly felt. If it was the obsession, the first thing to go would be the defences, such as posting here.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
It wasn’t doctor prescribed in my case, it was some addict mates trying to be hepful to a very sad dry drunk. A drink was down my neck within seconds. Straight back to my drug of no choice.
It is my understanding that some of the drugs used treat insomnia, depression, pain, and anxiety can trigger the alcoholic phenomenon of craving. It seems that due to the extended sobriety factor, the alcoholism is either not considered relavent, of the doctor may not know about it at all.
It is almost similar to the fallacy that after a good period of sobriety, we ought to be able to handle a couple of drinks. Somehow the time is supposed to diminish the risks. It doesn’t.
For myself, I am always careful to explain about my alcoholism to any prescribing medical professional, and we will discuss at some length the whys and whereforesof any proposed medication.
I am trying not to be be anti medication here. I know of a small number of people, one of whom saved my life, for whom medication for serious mental illness is absolutely essential, and they don’t have any problem staying sober. Where a problem seems to crop up this where a psychiatris medication is used to react a spiritual malady. The opposite would be true too, attempting to treat a psychiatric disorder with a spiritual approach.
I guess it a,ways comes down to honesty with the doctor, and never forgetting that alcoholism, even after a long time sober, still needs to be factored in to any diagnosis and treatment.
I stay active, working with others as do you, and the obsession has stayed away for a very long time. That was what made me think (if it was the craving) it might be a side effect of a medication.
It is my understanding that some of the drugs used treat insomnia, depression, pain, and anxiety can trigger the alcoholic phenomenon of craving. It seems that due to the extended sobriety factor, the alcoholism is either not considered relavent, of the doctor may not know about it at all.
It is almost similar to the fallacy that after a good period of sobriety, we ought to be able to handle a couple of drinks. Somehow the time is supposed to diminish the risks. It doesn’t.
For myself, I am always careful to explain about my alcoholism to any prescribing medical professional, and we will discuss at some length the whys and whereforesof any proposed medication.
I am trying not to be be anti medication here. I know of a small number of people, one of whom saved my life, for whom medication for serious mental illness is absolutely essential, and they don’t have any problem staying sober. Where a problem seems to crop up this where a psychiatris medication is used to react a spiritual malady. The opposite would be true too, attempting to treat a psychiatric disorder with a spiritual approach.
I guess it a,ways comes down to honesty with the doctor, and never forgetting that alcoholism, even after a long time sober, still needs to be factored in to any diagnosis and treatment.
I stay active, working with others as do you, and the obsession has stayed away for a very long time. That was what made me think (if it was the craving) it might be a side effect of a medication.
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