Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Struggling
Hi. I have stopped drinking but am struggling to cope with no crutch to stop my obsessive worrying. I have also stopped regular smoking and want to stop both. I find it hard to not do one or the other.
My lodger drinks and smokes and I beg the odd roll up from her and actually to my shame steal the odd swig of her vodka or rum. I despise myself for this. I feel a failure although it's nothing compared to how I used to drink. I tell myself it's better to have the odd smoke from her than go buy a packet and start smoking full time. I use both smoking and drinking as a break to my obsessive worrying. Now I'm worrying that not only do I despise myself for begging smokes rather than paying for my own but that stealing a swig of her vodka will take me back to drinking which stole my time and hazed my days. I want to enjoy life free of if all. Recently I read some stuff about 5htp to help with anxiety and sleeping and have grasped at that as a solution. I'm feeling in despair because although it seemed to help to begin with if now seems that that was an illusion because I'm back to begging smokes every couple of days and occasionally stealing a swig. I've told my adult daughter j quit both because I thought I had. Now I feel a failure and a fraud although what I'm consuming now is nothing compared to what I have in the past. I'm single and 60 and feel lonely and alone. I sometimes think a relationship would fill the gap but I know that in the past it's relationships that have caused me to want to boot out uncomfortable feelings as I've always been in the wrong relationships. My daughters look up to me despot knowing my issues and think I am a strong woman. I don't want to let them or myself down but I fear I will
My lodger drinks and smokes and I beg the odd roll up from her and actually to my shame steal the odd swig of her vodka or rum. I despise myself for this. I feel a failure although it's nothing compared to how I used to drink. I tell myself it's better to have the odd smoke from her than go buy a packet and start smoking full time. I use both smoking and drinking as a break to my obsessive worrying. Now I'm worrying that not only do I despise myself for begging smokes rather than paying for my own but that stealing a swig of her vodka will take me back to drinking which stole my time and hazed my days. I want to enjoy life free of if all. Recently I read some stuff about 5htp to help with anxiety and sleeping and have grasped at that as a solution. I'm feeling in despair because although it seemed to help to begin with if now seems that that was an illusion because I'm back to begging smokes every couple of days and occasionally stealing a swig. I've told my adult daughter j quit both because I thought I had. Now I feel a failure and a fraud although what I'm consuming now is nothing compared to what I have in the past. I'm single and 60 and feel lonely and alone. I sometimes think a relationship would fill the gap but I know that in the past it's relationships that have caused me to want to boot out uncomfortable feelings as I've always been in the wrong relationships. My daughters look up to me despot knowing my issues and think I am a strong woman. I don't want to let them or myself down but I fear I will
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi childofmine 
I'm glad you found us - this is a very supportive place. SR helped me turn my life around
I used to worry a lot but drinking never really helped that.
Sometimes it might push the worry aside for an hour or two but it always came back worse than ever.
A lot of the time my drunk brain went to the worst case scenario and I'd go through all these dreadful possible future. Not healthy at all.
Have you considered gettign some professional help at all, maybe a counsellor or therapist? That helped me a little.
In any case, whenever you're worried or thinking about drinking (or smoking) try to train yourself to come here instead...talk it out, look around at what others are doing for their problems and hopefully find a way that makes sense to you.
I feel sure you can turn your life around too - you're not alone
D
I'm glad you found us - this is a very supportive place. SR helped me turn my life around
I used to worry a lot but drinking never really helped that.
Sometimes it might push the worry aside for an hour or two but it always came back worse than ever.
A lot of the time my drunk brain went to the worst case scenario and I'd go through all these dreadful possible future. Not healthy at all.
Have you considered gettign some professional help at all, maybe a counsellor or therapist? That helped me a little.
In any case, whenever you're worried or thinking about drinking (or smoking) try to train yourself to come here instead...talk it out, look around at what others are doing for their problems and hopefully find a way that makes sense to you.
I feel sure you can turn your life around too - you're not alone
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Thank you so much for your response. It's good just to know that someone has noticed.
I'm a retired psychiatric nurse. I worked in drugs and alcohol at times. I've had counselling. That's why I feel such a failure.
I know all the answers or I believe I do although I hope I don't that's why I'm here searching for alternatives. Lol.
Thank you again.x
I'm a retired psychiatric nurse. I worked in drugs and alcohol at times. I've had counselling. That's why I feel such a failure.
I know all the answers or I believe I do although I hope I don't that's why I'm here searching for alternatives. Lol.
Thank you again.x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Thank you both. I know I have to stop both drinking and smoking. For me one just replaces the other and keeps the whole thing going. I need to just stop. I hope today us my last day.
I begged a roll up before my lodger went to work and then after I smoked it I wenfvin to her room and swigfed her vodka. I'm so ashamed and disappointed in myself. I'm on pig trying to find a love interest but j have a sneaking fear that's another crutch I'm searching for. I feel alone.
I begged a roll up before my lodger went to work and then after I smoked it I wenfvin to her room and swigfed her vodka. I'm so ashamed and disappointed in myself. I'm on pig trying to find a love interest but j have a sneaking fear that's another crutch I'm searching for. I feel alone.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Hi childofmine. I am a heavy smoker and tried to quit at the same time as the booze. I am only 23 days sober and decided to concentrate on the drink side of it first as doing both was just too much at once. It's hard enough for me to fight the drinking AV without having to fight the smoking one too! For me smoking is a constant every waking moment thought if I am not doing it. I just didn't have the strength for both and sobriety had to come first. As for a relationship in early sobriety, for me I need to have a healthy relationship with myself first and foremost so that is on the back burner for now 
Keep strong! x
Keep strong! x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Niagara Region, ON, Canada
Posts: 89
I definitely agree with what the others have said. Concentrate on making new sober friends and put the relationship/dating on the back burner for now.
Speaking from my own experience it's very, very hard trying to juggle new found sobriety with a new relationship. I got sober just over 2 months after I started dating my girlfriend and it certainly complicated things. Thankfully we got through it but if you can possibly avoid starting a relationship for a bit it will give you some time to figure out who you are sober, and what you're actually looking for.
Speaking from my own experience it's very, very hard trying to juggle new found sobriety with a new relationship. I got sober just over 2 months after I started dating my girlfriend and it certainly complicated things. Thankfully we got through it but if you can possibly avoid starting a relationship for a bit it will give you some time to figure out who you are sober, and what you're actually looking for.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome Childofmine! You'll find plenty of support here. It must be terribly tough trying to cope with two addictions at the same time. I know I couldn't do it. I quit smoking 7 years ago (though I currently vape). The suggestion of seeing your doctor is a good one. Perhaps he can advise which one to quit first or even how to quit both? Wishing you strength. STay close to SR.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
When I stopped looking at smoking as a crutch and started looking at it as chains of bondage - it suddenly became clear.
I quit smoking cold turkey 25ish years ago. It was hard for a couple weeks, but since then I've been nothing but glad to be rid of the stinky things.
Alcohol and I have a long sordid relationship. The crutch aspect was much stronger for me with alcohol. It did shut up my worries temporarily. In the end though - it was a relationship that was out to kill me and I was a miserable person inside and out.
Relationships. Heh. I got nothing. I'm so much happier living alone. I have to say though, I still get propositioned at 64. I have three older lady friends (70, 68 and 66) who have gotten married in the last three years. Never too late. I do think that getting off the alcohol and giving yourself a few months to a year to recover will make choosing an appropriate mate more likely.
I quit smoking cold turkey 25ish years ago. It was hard for a couple weeks, but since then I've been nothing but glad to be rid of the stinky things.
Alcohol and I have a long sordid relationship. The crutch aspect was much stronger for me with alcohol. It did shut up my worries temporarily. In the end though - it was a relationship that was out to kill me and I was a miserable person inside and out.
Relationships. Heh. I got nothing. I'm so much happier living alone. I have to say though, I still get propositioned at 64. I have three older lady friends (70, 68 and 66) who have gotten married in the last three years. Never too late. I do think that getting off the alcohol and giving yourself a few months to a year to recover will make choosing an appropriate mate more likely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 5
Thank you everyone for your input.
You were right about seeing smoking as chains of bondage with no real advantage or crutch. I've given up smoking many times. The first time for over 20 years. Ice used Allen carrs books and they change your perception from crutch to chains as you said.
I was an iv drug user for a few years in my teenage and gave that up cold turkey on my own. The issues that led me to drug use are the same issues that have kept me drinking all my life. I've worked on them with counselling and self help and anti depressants from GP. I'm off anti depressants for nearly a year now. First time in nearly 40 years. Ive so nearly cracked it. Feeling more positive this evening. Thank you.😊
You were right about seeing smoking as chains of bondage with no real advantage or crutch. I've given up smoking many times. The first time for over 20 years. Ice used Allen carrs books and they change your perception from crutch to chains as you said.
I was an iv drug user for a few years in my teenage and gave that up cold turkey on my own. The issues that led me to drug use are the same issues that have kept me drinking all my life. I've worked on them with counselling and self help and anti depressants from GP. I'm off anti depressants for nearly a year now. First time in nearly 40 years. Ive so nearly cracked it. Feeling more positive this evening. Thank you.😊
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