Ready to throw in the towel and drink
 

So tired all the time. Alcohol gives me energy. Just want to go back to bed because my sponsor is coming over tonight and I need to clean up. I feel like AA is wearing me out. Just want to get another loan buy smokes have a few drinks and forget everything for a while. My ex doesn't even want me to ring at all now which has really upset me. I don't understand why and there is no closure. My sponsor is lending me money to buy a vaporiser and I am paying her back. Maybe I will feel worse if I throw in the towel.

Hi sweetichick. Good on ya for posting here before drinking.

I'm not an alcoholic so I can't possibly understand what you're feeling right now, but I wanted to say I'm rooting for you to stay sober and make a different choice today. You are worth it.

No matter what you are going through, you posted here before you drank. Your self of selfs, better self, whatever, knows you are better off not drinking.

Ride the urges and get through sober. You'll feel better in the morning.

Hey sweetchick! Don’t throw in the towel and drink. Please don’t. Think of how you will feel afterward... it can become a vicious cycle and you’ll just keep drinking. Alcohol giving you energy is an illusion. I’m sure you know it’s a depressant, so perhaps it will give you that nice feeling for a few minutes or a few hours, but it wears off with a vengeance. AA can seem overwhelming at times, but I’m glad you have a sponsor and are reaching out!!!!

you aren't giving yourself a chance to get sober more than a few days....stick to sobriety, do not drink, give time time.

Thanks Sparkle. Trying to hang on for 6 hours till my sponsor gets here.

You have the power to choose Sweetichick, even if your sponsor is not there right now. There's a million other things to do besides drink, and every single one of them is a better choice. Spend time here, do an online AA meeting, read a book, take a walk, make some food, take a nap, do some laundry, watch a movie, you can certainly keep yourself busy for a bit, right?

My advice is to push through the tiredness. The energy that alcohol gave me was actually a really potent sign of how addicted my mind and body had become.

It took me several weeks to feel energetic again, but it's worth the wait sweetichick :)

Focus on the end goal, not the immediate difficulty.

D

Hi Sweetichick,

I'm so glad you came here first. I know it seems really hard still, it really will get easier though, and you don't want to start back at square one.

As for the ex, nothing good can come from you having any communication with him. Please don't get yourself mixed up with that again.

Hope your evening with your sponsor went well.

❤️Delilah

Another hour has passed. I will push on. I don't really want to go back to that nitemare I was in. AA has given me hope. Thanks for all your replies. I think drinking just borrows from tomorrow's energy. I will do everything I need to do and should be able to rest again later. I am so used to drinking every few days. Maybe it's just a habit. You are all right. I need to give it more time.

Terrific. Nice work.

AA is good for me but they're all human too. I wouldn't get too obsessed over it. I didn't do 90 in 90 or anything. I have boundaries I set right from the beginning. If AA is "wearing you out", ask yourself why. You were so excited about it recently, i thought. Sometimes i find it triggering but i reflect on why. Usually its something going on in my own life. Make sure you're giving yourself lots of self care. Address the issues with your ex and work through them sober. Cause it will only be worse with alcohol. Sure we all want to kick back, have a few or several, but that's not how we make it to our first sober birthday. We have to fight for it. I believe it will be worth it.

Yay!! So happy to read this. <3

I know its rough right now but you're going to make it to the other side and your body is restoring itself, the beginning moments are hard but your walking into a brand new life.
And sobriety, the really good moments are about to start for you and what a wonderful life that is!

The tiredness will be replaced with a new energy you have never felt before, and self-respect and energy to do everything and enjoy it at the same time.
The only way out is through. Hang in there, drink lots of water, make yourself a hot water drink or calming tea if you have one and don't worry about the mess just give yourself the luxury to heal. Do small baby steps and rest. Have a hot bath.
xo

go you good thing :)

D

Love this post!!❤️

It IS tiring at first Sweetie. But but doesn't stay that way, I promise. Yes, it will be tough at first, but those promises are real, and they're worth fighting for.


Hope your sponsor gets to you soon. Could you call someone else meanwhile?

BB

Iam in a similar energy slump as your sweetchick.

Before i used to everything with a pounding hangover, my drive was to work or do life tasks with more enthusiasm to get RID of the hangover - but just to drink again in a few hours. I would be running around like mad and getting things done.

now that iam sober at 23 days, I thought id be more enthusiastic about life and its tasks, but instead, I am just dragging each day out due to lack of energy and enthusiasm, I am procrastinating to the absolute maximum and iam having trouble shaking it off, I never used to be like this i was always a DOER. I think alcohol has tweaked my brain to be less caring about the state of my house, my car, my clothes, my paperwork mess, my life - everything!

in AA i noticed some people are dressed so poorly even though they have 4 - 6 months sobriety, and these people were not in a state of poverty, they had good jobs.

I think Alcohol makes the brain stop caring and unfortunately, it can spill over into a sober life.

there is only one cure for this though - no matter how you feel, GET UP,
DRESS UP, and SHOW UP.

So far that is at least keeping me productive.

Many thanks to everyone who posted. I got the downstairs looking reasonable again. Now I am truly exhausted but it's a happy exhaustion from getting things done. My sponsor will be here in an hour. So glad I didn't take out that loan and stuff everything up by drinking.

great work sweetichick :)