Update Part Deux+
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Update Part Deux+
Another update.
Disclaimer first... I'm not getting my hopes up - staying optimistic sure - but mostly I've been trying not to get too high or too low about things. Doesn't always work, but so much of this whole thing for me is about managing my own expectations - of myself and of others.
Anywho.... so, the sign went in my front yard Friday evening. Just got a text from the realtor - we're getting 2 offers tomorrow and possibly a 3rd.
My head is spinning.
There's still potential obstacles of course. Far from a done deal. But wow... just wow. I mean, when I think back to where I was 12 weeks ago.... ErMerGawrd.
In fact... 12 weeks ago today I was 3 days removed from wrapping my car around a telephone pole at 50 mph. I was 2 days removed from walking 2.5 hours home in the cold and rain after spending my entire day Saturday in jail sobering up. About all I had going for me was the great fortune of not hurting anyone - which I am grateful for everyday.
I had no phone. I had basically no money. I wasn't sure if I was going to have a job. I had no attorney, no means to get one. The clock was ticking on having my full, non-occupational license.
12 weeks later... a good attorney, moved closer to work to secure my job when I pay the price for the OWI, cleaned up a mess of a house from the neglect of drunkeness and depression, etc.etc..
It's just crazy. Who is this guy? I mean, I spent YEARS stuck and mired in neglect and an alcoholic fog. I was completely overwhelmed. Cynical. Depressed. Chalk full of self pity and self entitlement. Who the hell am I now??
So many moments that I've had to fight through fear and anxiety and feeling overwhelmed to just take action. So many days like last week of living with the dread of both having to do the work of cleaning up the house while fearing that no one would possibly be able to buy it. So much fear of facing a realtor and feeling like I'd have to explain why I was basically walking away and why we were in a race against foreclosure.
So many fears that turned out to be unfounded. That just taking action gave me a chance to move onto the next thing. And so many people along the way that have stepped up and helped or just done their job or haven't judged me.
I can say this for sure. When I get through all this I like to think I won't be able to believe that there isn't much we can achieve if we want it bad enough. And it doesn't take as much as one might think - just a little thing today, and again tomorrow. And maybe 2 on Wednesday and then rest for a day or two and get back at it.
Slowly, surely, but faster than you can imagine things get cleaned up. You can stand up after having your head down and doing the grind and look back and think - dayum... I've come a long way.
As I said at the start... I could very well still end up in foreclosure. But frankly, even if that happens it amazes me that I've been able to isolate the financial damage to that after all the years of neglect and crap from being a drunk. But to think there's a chance that not even that will happen... wow. Just wow. It's important to note that this chance ONLY exists because somehow - call it higher power or whatever - but somehow I managed to stop listening to the fear in my head long enough to actually just pick up the phone, say **** it, and call a realtor.
We have to get out of our heads just long enough to give ourselves a chance to live. That's it. One small thing at time.
Thanks for letting me share this. And thanks for being SR. No way I could have come along in the last 12 weeks without it. No way. I'm grateful.
-B
Disclaimer first... I'm not getting my hopes up - staying optimistic sure - but mostly I've been trying not to get too high or too low about things. Doesn't always work, but so much of this whole thing for me is about managing my own expectations - of myself and of others.
Anywho.... so, the sign went in my front yard Friday evening. Just got a text from the realtor - we're getting 2 offers tomorrow and possibly a 3rd.
My head is spinning.
There's still potential obstacles of course. Far from a done deal. But wow... just wow. I mean, when I think back to where I was 12 weeks ago.... ErMerGawrd.
In fact... 12 weeks ago today I was 3 days removed from wrapping my car around a telephone pole at 50 mph. I was 2 days removed from walking 2.5 hours home in the cold and rain after spending my entire day Saturday in jail sobering up. About all I had going for me was the great fortune of not hurting anyone - which I am grateful for everyday.
I had no phone. I had basically no money. I wasn't sure if I was going to have a job. I had no attorney, no means to get one. The clock was ticking on having my full, non-occupational license.
12 weeks later... a good attorney, moved closer to work to secure my job when I pay the price for the OWI, cleaned up a mess of a house from the neglect of drunkeness and depression, etc.etc..
It's just crazy. Who is this guy? I mean, I spent YEARS stuck and mired in neglect and an alcoholic fog. I was completely overwhelmed. Cynical. Depressed. Chalk full of self pity and self entitlement. Who the hell am I now??
So many moments that I've had to fight through fear and anxiety and feeling overwhelmed to just take action. So many days like last week of living with the dread of both having to do the work of cleaning up the house while fearing that no one would possibly be able to buy it. So much fear of facing a realtor and feeling like I'd have to explain why I was basically walking away and why we were in a race against foreclosure.
So many fears that turned out to be unfounded. That just taking action gave me a chance to move onto the next thing. And so many people along the way that have stepped up and helped or just done their job or haven't judged me.
I can say this for sure. When I get through all this I like to think I won't be able to believe that there isn't much we can achieve if we want it bad enough. And it doesn't take as much as one might think - just a little thing today, and again tomorrow. And maybe 2 on Wednesday and then rest for a day or two and get back at it.
Slowly, surely, but faster than you can imagine things get cleaned up. You can stand up after having your head down and doing the grind and look back and think - dayum... I've come a long way.
As I said at the start... I could very well still end up in foreclosure. But frankly, even if that happens it amazes me that I've been able to isolate the financial damage to that after all the years of neglect and crap from being a drunk. But to think there's a chance that not even that will happen... wow. Just wow. It's important to note that this chance ONLY exists because somehow - call it higher power or whatever - but somehow I managed to stop listening to the fear in my head long enough to actually just pick up the phone, say **** it, and call a realtor.
We have to get out of our heads just long enough to give ourselves a chance to live. That's it. One small thing at time.
Thanks for letting me share this. And thanks for being SR. No way I could have come along in the last 12 weeks without it. No way. I'm grateful.
-B
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
You have a whole LOT of life going on Buck, but we know that. 
The fact that you are able to write that, be where you are, clear headed, not too high, not too low - all that is a testament to your sobriety.
Good stuff man. Keep it moving and keep us updated.
The fact that you are able to write that, be where you are, clear headed, not too high, not too low - all that is a testament to your sobriety.
Good stuff man. Keep it moving and keep us updated.
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