is my girlfriend a trigger
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Barnabus, something about your posts reminds me of of a man I got to work with a few years back. He had a few things going on, benzos, of which I have no experience, alcohol, and this god awful relationship which could only be understood, as far as I could see anyway, as a really powerful co-dependence.
I still don’t know which was the main problem, but I do recall that she did awful things to him, eventually resulting in her being locked up, yet he was like a moth to a flame. He just kept going back. It was so much like the alcoholic and the fatal first drink.
He would say to me “ right, i have ended it for good. I just sent her a text telling her it’s all over.” It was no more than five minutes before he was saying “ I’ll just text her to see if she’s alright” no no we cried, but he did it anyway. Before we knew it 15 texts had been exchanged and it was all on again.
He could see that the relationship was a big problem for him, but like the suffering alcoholic, he could not stay away from the fatal first contact.
I don’t know if that rings any bells for you, but if it does, I think there is a forum on codependency here which might be helpful.
I still don’t know which was the main problem, but I do recall that she did awful things to him, eventually resulting in her being locked up, yet he was like a moth to a flame. He just kept going back. It was so much like the alcoholic and the fatal first drink.
He would say to me “ right, i have ended it for good. I just sent her a text telling her it’s all over.” It was no more than five minutes before he was saying “ I’ll just text her to see if she’s alright” no no we cried, but he did it anyway. Before we knew it 15 texts had been exchanged and it was all on again.
He could see that the relationship was a big problem for him, but like the suffering alcoholic, he could not stay away from the fatal first contact.
I don’t know if that rings any bells for you, but if it does, I think there is a forum on codependency here which might be helpful.
Alcohol and Drugs are involved here also. Barn, I am not surprised you guys are not working.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Yeah, when my bf I'd been dating for a month decided to get blacked out on vodka and pills and then punch me in the head repeatedly and choke me until I almost lost consciousness... that was his fault. When I decided to stay with him for another.. idk almost 2 YEARS and progress further and further into my own alcoholic hell and depravity, that was my fault.
One time of physical abuse is enough to know what kind of person you're dealing with. There's no playing the victim after that. It's your choice now. Make the right one for yourself and take responsibility for your own actions along the way..
One time of physical abuse is enough to know what kind of person you're dealing with. There's no playing the victim after that. It's your choice now. Make the right one for yourself and take responsibility for your own actions along the way..
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Hi Barnabus, nice to see you back and posting, you seem much calmer and more able to articulate what you really want to say and that is lovely to see.
I agree with a few others here that it's how you are dealing with the anger and anxiety that is the main issue and the one that you need to tackle. Internalising frustration has always been one of the things that has sent me back to the bottle time and time again. That is something you need to look into more and put into your plan some solutions that will help you cope without giving into the temptation. Easier said than done I know but you are aware now what emotions are a big trigger for you and that is half the battle.
I found that doing exercise helped lessen the internal frustration and anger quite a bit, I am not one to go to the gym personally but going for a long walk and swimming really helped. Maybe you could add some exercise to your plan. I grumble every time I have to do it to be honest but once I have got going and are in the pool I soon realise that it's a better thing to be doing than having a vino.
Only you can decide what the right thing is for you and a successful recovery and it's great to see you are making a plan and trying to understand what you need to change or understand more to do this right.
I agree with a few others here that it's how you are dealing with the anger and anxiety that is the main issue and the one that you need to tackle. Internalising frustration has always been one of the things that has sent me back to the bottle time and time again. That is something you need to look into more and put into your plan some solutions that will help you cope without giving into the temptation. Easier said than done I know but you are aware now what emotions are a big trigger for you and that is half the battle.
I found that doing exercise helped lessen the internal frustration and anger quite a bit, I am not one to go to the gym personally but going for a long walk and swimming really helped. Maybe you could add some exercise to your plan. I grumble every time I have to do it to be honest but once I have got going and are in the pool I soon realise that it's a better thing to be doing than having a vino.
Only you can decide what the right thing is for you and a successful recovery and it's great to see you are making a plan and trying to understand what you need to change or understand more to do this right.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by trachemys
You want to make her responsible for your behavior
She aint
She aint
Bottom line, no one is forcing us to drink. Pouring the first one, pouring it down our throats, making us keep it in the house...no one but us.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 56
Girlfriend is not a trigger. That's an excuse. An excuse to justify drinking and using. A cop out.
She's a loyal and faithful girl. I've pushed her to her limit.
I've been stealing from the emotional bank, without making any positive deposits.
She's a loyal and faithful girl. I've pushed her to her limit.
I've been stealing from the emotional bank, without making any positive deposits.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by MantaLady
Sounds like you have had a few days to reflect, time to start making some positive deposits hey 
x
How are you getting on?
xHow are you getting on?
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I promise you Barnabus, it's not always going to feel like this, it will get better. Don't forget, you need to take that chance your being given and embrace it, work it and make the very best life you can for yourself out of it. You won't regret staying on this path. Keep strong, keep adding to your plan, you can do this! x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by Barnabas
Girlfriend is not a trigger. That's an excuse. An excuse to justify drinking and using. A cop out.
She's a loyal and faithful girl. I've pushed her to her limit.
I've been stealing from the emotional bank, without making any positive deposits.
She's a loyal and faithful girl. I've pushed her to her limit.
I've been stealing from the emotional bank, without making any positive deposits.
It's super easy to make those kinds of excuses to justify abusing whatever substance of choice one uses. In the end drinking/drugging at the problem tends to just make it come back and hit you even harder.
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