is my girlfriend a trigger
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Join Date: May 2018
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Originally Posted by tomsteve 
my sons mother was physically and verbally abusive to me.
it was me because i stayed in the relationship when i could have ended it at any time.
when i stopped living in the problem and began living in the solution,the problem went away.
it was me because i stayed in the relationship when i could have ended it at any time.
when i stopped living in the problem and began living in the solution,the problem went away.
before i had the attitude of water off a duck's back but I'm sure you know when you make yourself weaker you make your defense a little weaker. perhaps it triggered childhood crap.
she said to me before i want you to get better and i said well show me love not anger. when i'm not well anger gets to me. when i'm better it doesn't get to me so much.
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Originally Posted by trachemys
You let her hit you with the broom.
You let another person beat you with a stick.
You let another person beat you with a stick.
and why they are highlighting in bold "let"
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i LET my sons mother abuse me. that did NOT make the abuse ok any more than a woman being in a violently abusive relationship LETTING a man blacken their eyes with a stick.
abuse of ANY kind is unacceptable.
abuse of ANY kind is unacceptable.
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Originally Posted by trachemys
Barnabus, I'm sorry.
If I misunderstood, I'm sorry. I thought you said another person beat you with a stick.
If I misunderstood, I'm sorry. I thought you said another person beat you with a stick.
Dispute. she picked up a broom and broke it over me.
did I let it? not sure I understand that.
did i react back and hit her? no I went out and took drugs for the day
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hey Barnabas,
let's get back to the original postings in the beginning.
nobody denies there is impact ( your word) when others abuse you in any way, or that that can be a " trigger".
what most here are saying to you is that it is your responsibility whether you drink or not. how you respond.
the conversation is sidestepping the original issue when it goes into the broom incident and victim- blaming and who is at fault blahblah....as far as drinking: it's on you. You.
what are your thoughts and plans for a solution there?
let's get back to the original postings in the beginning.
nobody denies there is impact ( your word) when others abuse you in any way, or that that can be a " trigger".
what most here are saying to you is that it is your responsibility whether you drink or not. how you respond.
the conversation is sidestepping the original issue when it goes into the broom incident and victim- blaming and who is at fault blahblah....as far as drinking: it's on you. You.
what are your thoughts and plans for a solution there?
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by fini
hey Barnabas,
let's get back to the original postings in the beginning.
nobody denies there is impact ( your word) when others abuse you in any way, or that that can be a " trigger".
what most here are saying to you is that it is your responsibility whether you drink or not. how you respond.
the conversation is sidestepping the original issue when it goes into the broom incident and victim- blaming and who is at fault blahblah....as far as drinking: it's on you. You.
what are your thoughts and plans for a solution there?
let's get back to the original postings in the beginning.
nobody denies there is impact ( your word) when others abuse you in any way, or that that can be a " trigger".
what most here are saying to you is that it is your responsibility whether you drink or not. how you respond.
the conversation is sidestepping the original issue when it goes into the broom incident and victim- blaming and who is at fault blahblah....as far as drinking: it's on you. You.
what are your thoughts and plans for a solution there?
like I said when I'm strong I don't really care, meaning I can just brush crap off like water off a duck's back. the only difficulty is when I'm weak....meaning when I'm trying to get over and episode. that's the only moment when I feel weak. I always say to her give me a weak to recover and then I'll be back to normal but she never lasts a week, that's all I was saying. give me one week to get my head together and then whatever.
I just feel if I didn't have to deal with anybody else's crap for just one week.....I would overcome this. it's just that first week i feel so up and down. it's just what i said to her, that first week I'm really reactionary.
what can i do. sleeping in a bed alone. no will
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Barnabus, something about your posts reminds me of of a man I got to work with a few years back. He had a few things going on, benzos, of which I have no experience, alcohol, and this god awful relationship which could only be understood, as far as I could see anyway, as a really powerful co-dependence.
I still don’t know which was the main problem, but I do recall that she did awful things to him, eventually resulting in her being locked up, yet he was like a moth to a flame. He just kept going back. It was so much like the alcoholic and the fatal first drink.
He would say to me “ right, i have ended it for good. I just sent her a text telling her it’s all over.” It was no more than five minutes before he was saying “ I’ll just text her to see if she’s alright” no no we cried, but he did it anyway. Before we knew it 15 texts had been exchanged and it was all on again.
He could see that the relationship was a big problem for him, but like the suffering alcoholic, he could not stay away from the fatal first contact.
I don’t know if that rings any bells for you, but if it does, I think there is a forum on codependency here which might be helpful.
I still don’t know which was the main problem, but I do recall that she did awful things to him, eventually resulting in her being locked up, yet he was like a moth to a flame. He just kept going back. It was so much like the alcoholic and the fatal first drink.
He would say to me “ right, i have ended it for good. I just sent her a text telling her it’s all over.” It was no more than five minutes before he was saying “ I’ll just text her to see if she’s alright” no no we cried, but he did it anyway. Before we knew it 15 texts had been exchanged and it was all on again.
He could see that the relationship was a big problem for him, but like the suffering alcoholic, he could not stay away from the fatal first contact.
I don’t know if that rings any bells for you, but if it does, I think there is a forum on codependency here which might be helpful.
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