Snufkin

Well, I thought my AV would give me at least a week before it strikes, considering I'm still feeling very sick, but no...

Apart from nearly dying after my last drinking session, I caused my body a lot of damage... It's been six days and I'm constantly nauseous, can barely eat, my hands are still shaky, I'm experiencing horrendous pain in my right side (not looking forward to my liver function test results...) and my foot was numb for days, which seriously freaked me out (umm alcoholic neuropathy, diabetes??). Do I even have to mention crippling depression, anxiety, severe mood swings etc...

I've been sitting in my flat since Tuesday, so I decided it's time for a short walk, but then it hit me; Despite everything that happened I started thinking... How nice it would be to get wasted again... like right now. Let's go for a walk... to the shop. Am I even an alcoholic? What if I'm imagining this whole thing. My health issues hmm, it's just a bad hangover. I played the tape forward, but it wasn't enough. Well, I know I can die, but don't I want to die anyway...

N O P E NOPE NOPE

I want to live, I want sobriety and I want to be happy.

I still don't trust myself so I'm too scared to go for that walk, but it's OK. I'm just gonna be glued to my laptop forever...

I'm so grateful I found this place... Thank you SR.

joandmelandhan

Snufkin darling you're right you absolutely must stay safe. I know you may have a touch of cabin fever but it's just not with the risk honey. Perhaps just sit by an open window or door for some fresh air.
You have inside you a lying sneaky devious addiction. You know it will try ANYTHING to get you back. I'm so proud of you coming here to get it out. That's what you must do. Every. Single. Time. Day or night.
Keep going girl it's almost bed time ❤❤❤

Stubbs16

Im right there with you today! Day 9 for me this go around.

Had a ****** day, all around. Im in my bedroom moled up. Reading and posting. Im sick of this crap!!! Why oh why cant it just leave me alone?? Pissed isnt even the word for how Im feeling now. God keep me strong...

Snufkin

I feel your pain Stubbs... It's awful, but we are stronger and we can get through this!

Snufkin

Thank you Jo! I'm trying not to go crazy locked here all day, but at least I have my cat with me (umm I know... I talk a lot about my cat ) plus who even needs the outside world when there's Skyrim...

joandmelandhan

I know it sounds mad but in the early days when I was climbing the walls on a Friday night I used to watch YouTube documentaries on advanced alcoholism.
I needed to reignite that fear to stay strong.
"Rain in my Heart" is a particularly harrowing and poignant watch. Also Louis Theroux "Drinking to Ovlivion".
Just a thought......❤❤❤

Snufkin

Ohh great idea, thank you! I'm gonna watch them tonight.

Stubbs16

Great advice jo.

Stubbs16

Thanks for the encouragement Snufkin. Btw, your kitty is precious. ♡♡♡

tomsteve

from just a couple days ago:
I want to be fully committed to AA program. I know I need face-to-face support, but I was never attending meetings regularly, sometimes I just couldn’t be bothered...SO THATS'S GONNA CHANGE.


welp????????

Snufkin

Once I feel better I’m heading straight to meetings Tomsteve, I’m so sick I’ve been dying in bed since Tuesday. Hopefully tomorrow I stop puking...

Gottalife

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Verdantia

Hey, Snufkin. Oh, how well I understand this. It's awful, but I am so glad you came here instead of acting on the impulse to drink. Our bodies are very resilient and have amazing recuperative powers, but more drink will only make matters much much worse. I had neuropathy in my hands and feet and it went away after a few months of sobriety. Just hang in there my dear and lean on us. Six days is awesome--you can do this and I am rooting for you.

Snufkin

I like your no BS approach guys.

Gottalife, I had to go to the ER right after my binge (I self-harmed and needed stitches), I’m detoxing safely... But I guess you’re right, I really do need to take some action. Hm... I attempted sobriety many times but never before I’ve felt as bad as I am now, I properly wrecked myself, so I guess by staying home I wanted to give myself a little bit of time to recover...

Rar

Hang in there Snuf. You're doing great! ((HUGS)) .

tomsteve

THAT is refreshing to read!

i owe my life to them people in AA that went before me that didnt BS and called me on my BS. without that i wouldnt have seen my BS.

Snufkin

I’m a very shy and timid person, so you kinda scare me sometimes , but I know that you’re right. Yup, it’s BS... I am trying to get sober with no success since I joined SR in August last year, so I clearly need some extra support.

There’s a women’s meeting at 6pm tomorrow, and I’m going.

Dee74

Hey Snuf - yeah I nearly died but after a few weeks the insane thoughts crossed my mind again

I was in no physical condition to drink - that thought of drinking terrified me, but it also made me stronger because I was damned if I was going to lose now.

Keep fighting
If I can do this....

D

Kdon853

Snuf, 6months ago I had blood coming out of places it shouldn’t come out of. My liver enzymes were off the charts blood pressure out of control: high cholesterol, triglycerides. Baseline diabetic.
Now.. no blood, liver numbers really down. BP in control: blood sugars still high. But I feel a hell of a lot better. Felt like crap physically for the first month . Hang in there. I drank for 40 yrs, Give AA a try it works, although I still do have a hard time expressing my thoughts . Definitely did some to damage to the old head

Delilah1

Hi Snuf,

I'm so glad you came here and posted. I'm sorry you are still feeling physically sick, hopefully you are past that very soon.

If AA was helpful then definitely head to that Woman's meeting. Also, keep checking in on here, there is lots of support.

I love seeing your posts on the 24 hour thread. Those days are going to start to add up, and you will start to feel better physically and mentally.

❤️Delilah