Just turned 24. I don't know if I have an addiction or not . Maybe I can't accept it
 

Hey , I'm Daniel . I just turned 24. Not sure why I'm here . Just joined. I love drinking . I've been drinking heavily since I was 13 . When i turned 16 , I started drinking every single day , and I still do . I used to hook up with older men when I was 14 so I could get free alcohol and weed.
I got a DUI when I was 16 and when I was 20. I was forced to go to rehab by the courts. I went drunk every day , and nobody noticed except one of the other patients , who said I smelled like alcohol one day . I got mad at him and told him he was lying . I've also got 2 charges of public intoxication before I was 21.
Sometimes I wake up and start taking shots of vodka , and can drink for a whole week straight , without being sober for one minute. And do so many things and hang out with people that I don't remember, and go to so many parties.
The only bad things I went thru in my life is I was molested from age 7 to age 12 . And I got raped and almost choked to death when I was 16 , by an older guy I was dating. Other than that , nothing bad has happened in my life. I know millions have it worse than me .
When I'm drunk, I go out and meet bad people on the streets. Bad men that either want to hurt me or use me for sex,,. And I really like it when I'm drunk, and I like it when they want to hurt me . But when I sober up, I don't like it anymore . ... sex embarasses me when im sober.
I have no idea what's wrong with me . I don't know if it's the alcohol or the sex that I have issues with .
I don't know . There's more to say , but I feel like I've gotten to the main point, and wrote a lot already. I'm drinking today , I drink every day except like 2 or 3 days off sometimes. I don't ever have physical withdrawal, but sometimes I have mental withdrawal I think . I'm not a mean drunk , and I don't fight. I'm a happy , nice drunk and get a long with everyone, but I think I make bad decisions .
If anyone is reading this , hope yall are having a good day . Not sure what I'm looking for or doing here . Sorry I wrote a lot , lol

Hello :)

Wow, you've got a lot going on! I think it is no coincidence that you joined or stumbled on the site.

I think it is def a good place for you too be. You don't have to live like that :)

hi Daniel welcome :)

I think there are some definite ref flags there....not being able to stop once you start, drinking in the morning, drinking daily, drinking hard for several years, DUI, rehab.

It also sounds like drinking leads you into very risky, dangerous behaviour?

I think you have a lot of very good reasons to stop drinking.

D

Looks like you have a LOT to process.

Posting here is a great first step.

Your situation does sound a bit unique for a variety of reasons, but I hope you spend some time here reading, searching for connections, insights, from others.

Best of luck to you on starting this journey of discovery.

Hi Daniel,

Wow your behaviors remind me of mine...except change the sex with drugs and it's similar. Me too everything actually starts when I'm drunk. I go to the streets and mix with the creatures of the night. I use while drunk which is hella dangerous.

Yeah it's a problem for me and you fella. What are we trying to fill that's empty inside man? Girlfriend thinks I'm doing this purposely but the impulse is overwhelming. iT'S only calmed when I find that room. the calm room.

I'm glad you posted, Daniel and that you are seeking support. It does sound like your drinking is causing you a lot of problems in your life and that you are engaging in risky behaviour. Stopping drinking could be a first step to living a healthy life. I wonder if you've considered therapy to help you deal with things.

I hope you continue to read and post.