I’m living a nightmare...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
I’m living a nightmare...
... and I can’t wake up. My ‘never again’ didn’t even last a week. I REALLY screwed up yesterday. Can’t even call it a relapse - it was more like a death wish.
So last night I got completely wasted. And I mean completely, so wasted, more drunk than ever before in my life. I started with a six pack at home, then around midnight I decided to finish myself outside, so I went to a bar and drank like 10 shots and 10 beers in less than two hours. I don’t remember much, but I somehow managed to get home safely, God knows how. And then... nothing. I blacked out and can’t remember a single thing of what happened after I got home. I woke up, there was vomit and blood everywhere. I hurt myself badly, I cut my wrists and legs. I think I might need stitches, but I’m so sick I literally can’t move an inch, I’d faint if I tried to walk.
I feel so lucky to be alive - I could have choked on my vomit or die of alcohol poisoning. I could have not made it home... I think it is perhaps the first time I fully realised that I really am going to die if I keep going like this. I’m so scared
I need to do something. I need help.
So last night I got completely wasted. And I mean completely, so wasted, more drunk than ever before in my life. I started with a six pack at home, then around midnight I decided to finish myself outside, so I went to a bar and drank like 10 shots and 10 beers in less than two hours. I don’t remember much, but I somehow managed to get home safely, God knows how. And then... nothing. I blacked out and can’t remember a single thing of what happened after I got home. I woke up, there was vomit and blood everywhere. I hurt myself badly, I cut my wrists and legs. I think I might need stitches, but I’m so sick I literally can’t move an inch, I’d faint if I tried to walk.
I feel so lucky to be alive - I could have choked on my vomit or die of alcohol poisoning. I could have not made it home... I think it is perhaps the first time I fully realised that I really am going to die if I keep going like this. I’m so scared
I need to do something. I need help.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Is there someone who can take you to an ER for your wounds?
It would be a good idea to talk to your dr to see if it's safe for you to stop drinking and get his advice. You can always read and post here at SR for support.
It would be a good idea to talk to your dr to see if it's safe for you to stop drinking and get his advice. You can always read and post here at SR for support.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Hello, Snufkin
Oops. Too many buttons. My aunt hemorrhaged to death, lying in a corner, naked, in her own vomit, and blood. My brother-in-law choked on his own vomit. Family members found them. Alcoholism is a brutal disease both for the alcoholic and their family. As the disease progresses it leads us to jails, institutions, and then finally death. As I watched my brother suffer with this disease and die at age 53, it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced. Of course, we can't get sober for anyone else. We have to do it because we just can't live that way anymore. Good luck to you and I hope you do whatever it takes to get well. Just take that first state. You don't have to live that way anymore. You just have to take that first step.
Oops. Too many buttons. My aunt hemorrhaged to death, lying in a corner, naked, in her own vomit, and blood. My brother-in-law choked on his own vomit. Family members found them. Alcoholism is a brutal disease both for the alcoholic and their family. As the disease progresses it leads us to jails, institutions, and then finally death. As I watched my brother suffer with this disease and die at age 53, it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced. Of course, we can't get sober for anyone else. We have to do it because we just can't live that way anymore. Good luck to you and I hope you do whatever it takes to get well. Just take that first state. You don't have to live that way anymore. You just have to take that first step.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
Getting yourself safe now is the immediate concern, as stated, please get to a doctor and have your wounds looked at.
But then what?
How are you going to stay sober? Easy question, hard answer.
What have you tried before? Who do you have for support? What changes NEED to be made in your life NOW? What triggers your drinking, why do you drink? Are you truly ready for the hard days, the days where all you do all day is think about drinking and NOTHING gets your mind off it, and how are you going to remain vigilant? Do you have any alcohol left in the house you need to dump out? Do you need to change your daily routes so you aren't traveling by bars and liquor stores?
Once you are safe, answering these questions is just the beginning.
Good luck and be safe. You can do this, it sounds like you don't have any other choice.
But then what?
How are you going to stay sober? Easy question, hard answer.
What have you tried before? Who do you have for support? What changes NEED to be made in your life NOW? What triggers your drinking, why do you drink? Are you truly ready for the hard days, the days where all you do all day is think about drinking and NOTHING gets your mind off it, and how are you going to remain vigilant? Do you have any alcohol left in the house you need to dump out? Do you need to change your daily routes so you aren't traveling by bars and liquor stores?
Once you are safe, answering these questions is just the beginning.
Good luck and be safe. You can do this, it sounds like you don't have any other choice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Thank you all. My bf will help me to get to an ER now... I know I’ve said this a thousand times before but it is time for real change. I don’t want to be stuck in this vicious cycle of relapsing every few days, it’s getting worse each time and I’m so scared next time I’m gonna drop dead covered in vomit. I’m going to do everything I can to get better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Sometimes after quitting for a week or a month and go back to drinking, we absolutely go crazy and nights like you had happen. Which in my opinion is why its better just to quit altogether. It NEVER gets better, only worse.
Like others have said, I think you need to take care of immediate injuries then get very serious about sobriety.
Like others have said, I think you need to take care of immediate injuries then get very serious about sobriety.
How scary is that?!?! I'm glad you came here and reached out. I agree with the others to get to the hospital asap. Stay close! 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
What happened when you drank is par for the course.
What needs to be examined is what happened BEFORE you drank.
What thoughts came up? How exactly did you downplay the danger? did you believe you'd only have a few? or did you know you have no control and do it anyway? Did you rationalize it with personal pain?
Those thoughts need to be dealt with in a safe space. Not your brain. Your addiction has control of your brain. You aren't running the show right now.
Early on I'd come here if I had any positive thought or grinding resentment or weird thinking that seemed off base from sober thinking. Before giving in to the thinking.
It's not your thinking.
What needs to be examined is what happened BEFORE you drank.
What thoughts came up? How exactly did you downplay the danger? did you believe you'd only have a few? or did you know you have no control and do it anyway? Did you rationalize it with personal pain?
Those thoughts need to be dealt with in a safe space. Not your brain. Your addiction has control of your brain. You aren't running the show right now.
Early on I'd come here if I had any positive thought or grinding resentment or weird thinking that seemed off base from sober thinking. Before giving in to the thinking.
It's not your thinking.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Snufkin 
.I really am going to die if I keep going like this. I’m so scared I need to do something. I need help.
I need to do something. I need help.Find something that works...and work it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Get yourself checked out and sober again. Around the 8mo mark I went out with the sole intention of getting plastered and plastered I got! Who would have thought the same bad stuff/careless mistakes would happen? They did and that was my last drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,100
Snufs, seriously hate that it came to this but glad your bf is there to assist. I hope that this is bottom for ya, I really do. Pretty sure we've all experienced that bottom and know what it's like to continuously test it. For me the cycle was broken by rehab. I had to finally get to the point of saying that it was time. Please have that openness with the docs, OK?
Take care of *you* my friend
and keep us posted..
T.
Take care of *you* my friend
and keep us posted..T.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by DontRemember
Get yourself checked out and sober again. Around the 8mo mark I went out with the sole intention of getting plastered and plastered I got! Who would have thought the same bad stuff/careless mistakes would happen? They did and that was my last drink.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Hi, Snuf.
Remove yourself from all alcohol.
Hand over your cash and credit cards to your BF when you go out. Go out of your way to not pass by bars and liquor stores.
Don’t go to the supermarket unaccompanied.
If you have to cut ties with drinking friends, so be it.
It’s simple, but not easy—but in order to pull the plug, you really have to pull the plug on everything for awhile.
It can be done: all of us here are living proof.
You can do it. The really torturous phase doesn’t last that long.
Tie yourself to the mast like Ulysses did!
You will come through victorious if you have every tool at the ready.
Use SR 24/7 if necessary; go to AA or another face-to-face meeting and get a sponsor—at least get phone numbers from people in the group. When they say “call,” they’re not just being polite: they truly want to help you the second you need it.
I ‘ll be praying for firm resolve, strength, and clarity for you, Snuf.
You can do it!
Remove yourself from all alcohol.
Hand over your cash and credit cards to your BF when you go out. Go out of your way to not pass by bars and liquor stores.
Don’t go to the supermarket unaccompanied.
If you have to cut ties with drinking friends, so be it.
It’s simple, but not easy—but in order to pull the plug, you really have to pull the plug on everything for awhile.
It can be done: all of us here are living proof.
You can do it. The really torturous phase doesn’t last that long.
Tie yourself to the mast like Ulysses did!
You will come through victorious if you have every tool at the ready.
Use SR 24/7 if necessary; go to AA or another face-to-face meeting and get a sponsor—at least get phone numbers from people in the group. When they say “call,” they’re not just being polite: they truly want to help you the second you need it.
I ‘ll be praying for firm resolve, strength, and clarity for you, Snuf.
You can do it!
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