The reasons why
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 268
The reasons why
The reasons why I drink now, had a drug problem in the past and was on antipsychotic meds for years is because I want to forget. I don't want to think about the wrongs done to me or feel the guilt of mistakes I made when I wasn't in my right mind. I have to learn how to face these things, forgive myself and others. Only then will I be free. Mental illness and addiction to me are the same. It's what happens when life has been hard in some way. Some of it is genetic but most addicts and people who have mental illness come from some kind of dysfunctional family or had something traumatic happen to them.
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Join Date: May 2018
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Seeing a psychiatrist was like going to a drug dealer to me. I wanted them to take away the pain, fix my problems with pills. I'm never going back to that. I'm either going to face my issues or drown them out with alcohol and drugs.
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The same goes for other addictions, people who get clean and sober but end up avoiding what they feel in other ways. I don't want to be like that. I want to get better. I don't want to wear sobriety as a badge of honor as I pop pills to forget and pick up socially acceptable distractions. In the end I have to face my demons. I'm not saying it's the same for anyone else but for me it's about more than a drinking problem. It's a problem facing reality.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Hi Laura 
The thing about drinking is - we try to escape but we never do, so we need to apply our medicine (booze) more and more in larger and larger doses.
I was terrified of facing my feelings and revisiting my sad and abusive past - but I had to accept drinking was no longer a viable option for me.
I was going to end up dead if I continued drinking.
What I found - to my surprise - was the fear of facing my pain was far scarier than actually facing it.
The pain of my past was actually not comparable to the pain I was putting myself though, 50 years later, trying to avoid my past.
I'm glad I did.
It took a long time for me to come to grips with some things.
I had a little counselling help in the beginning.
If you don't want meds thats your call, although I'm bound to add you're already self medicating yourself to a significant extent with booze.
I also have to say an anti depressant helps me immensely.
I like feeling my feelings now - I'm not avoiding any of them and I've come to terms with my past.
I'm not replacing my addiction with anything but peace contentment and purposeful meaningful hard work
Life is great and I think everyone on this board - including you Laura - deserves a shot at a life you love.
A lot of us are ambivalent about not drinking ever again at the start I think - I was.
I didn't really believe then I could live without drinking - but I knew I had to try and I knew it needed to be a genuine decent attempt.
I really believe if you can give 3 months of our life to staying sober you'll see some marked changes.
It took that long for the dark worldview my addiction had left me with to dissipate.
3 months against 30 years drugging and drinking was a good deal
11 years later here I am still sober
D
The thing about drinking is - we try to escape but we never do, so we need to apply our medicine (booze) more and more in larger and larger doses.
I was terrified of facing my feelings and revisiting my sad and abusive past - but I had to accept drinking was no longer a viable option for me.
I was going to end up dead if I continued drinking.
What I found - to my surprise - was the fear of facing my pain was far scarier than actually facing it.
The pain of my past was actually not comparable to the pain I was putting myself though, 50 years later, trying to avoid my past.
I'm glad I did.
It took a long time for me to come to grips with some things.
I had a little counselling help in the beginning.
If you don't want meds thats your call, although I'm bound to add you're already self medicating yourself to a significant extent with booze.
I also have to say an anti depressant helps me immensely.
I like feeling my feelings now - I'm not avoiding any of them and I've come to terms with my past.
I'm not replacing my addiction with anything but peace contentment and purposeful meaningful hard work
Life is great and I think everyone on this board - including you Laura - deserves a shot at a life you love.
A lot of us are ambivalent about not drinking ever again at the start I think - I was.
I didn't really believe then I could live without drinking - but I knew I had to try and I knew it needed to be a genuine decent attempt.
I really believe if you can give 3 months of our life to staying sober you'll see some marked changes.
It took that long for the dark worldview my addiction had left me with to dissipate.
3 months against 30 years drugging and drinking was a good deal
11 years later here I am still sober
D
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,330
Dee74. Wow. Nicely said and what an inspiration. I’m just finishing D 12 after a good 17 years of drinking almost a bottle of wine every day .
You have much wisdom to offer us newbies and I appreciate the time that you’re taking to help us out and reply
You have much wisdom to offer us newbies and I appreciate the time that you’re taking to help us out and reply
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 268
I have been sober at times in my life, been to meetings, rehab. I know I would feel better without drinking. I want to deal with the real issue which isn't really drinking. I could easily quit drinking and continue on the wrong path doing something else.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
There's no such thing as instantaneous change - at least not for me.
Like I said it took me 3 months to even be aware of the fact how dark my view of the world, other people and myself was, to realise it was my addiction that did that and to see that break up a little.
I had underlying and unresolved things I turned to drinking for, and I needed to deal with those, but I also had to deal with my addiction.
You might be right and your problem is like mine - but continuing to drink is not going to get you to where you need to be
I had a void in me.
No amount of 'stuff' could fill it so I tried healing it instead.
some counselling, abstinence from booze and other drugs I'd abused & finding a purpose and meaning in life all helped immensely with that.
a few years down the track I developed nerve pain - it was excruciating so I went on an old school trycyclic antidepressant .
It manages my nerve pain but it also helps my metal health too.
It's not a drug that gets me high or alters my reality or makes me feel insanely happy. It adds to my life, not subtract from it.
It just makes it possible for me to do day to day things without incessant pain.
Real lasting recovery really is possible
D
Like I said it took me 3 months to even be aware of the fact how dark my view of the world, other people and myself was, to realise it was my addiction that did that and to see that break up a little.
I had underlying and unresolved things I turned to drinking for, and I needed to deal with those, but I also had to deal with my addiction.
You might be right and your problem is like mine - but continuing to drink is not going to get you to where you need to be
I had a void in me.
No amount of 'stuff' could fill it so I tried healing it instead.
some counselling, abstinence from booze and other drugs I'd abused & finding a purpose and meaning in life all helped immensely with that.
a few years down the track I developed nerve pain - it was excruciating so I went on an old school trycyclic antidepressant .
It manages my nerve pain but it also helps my metal health too.
It's not a drug that gets me high or alters my reality or makes me feel insanely happy. It adds to my life, not subtract from it.
It just makes it possible for me to do day to day things without incessant pain
.Real lasting recovery really is possible
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
I'm over 8 yrs sober and I am on sertraline and rispiridone and they work very well to balance my moods. I do not believe I've traded one addiction for another. I am doing well on the meds and will be on them for the rest of my life cause they 'level the playing field'.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I drank because I am an alcoholic.
I haven't had the kind of trauma that would justify the devastating and destructive kind of drinking I did. I lived a fairly charmed life.
I do not believe people drink due to mental illness. I believe some people who are alcoholics also have mental illness.
You will find people who have the kind of mental illness you have who are Not alcoholics.
Yes, you find both together. But one does not cause the other, and sometimes believing that makes people put off a very much needed alcohol quit.
Putting off sobriety can be deadly and devastating for everyone around you, regardless the number of diagnoses you have.
I haven't had the kind of trauma that would justify the devastating and destructive kind of drinking I did. I lived a fairly charmed life.
I do not believe people drink due to mental illness. I believe some people who are alcoholics also have mental illness.
You will find people who have the kind of mental illness you have who are Not alcoholics.
Yes, you find both together. But one does not cause the other, and sometimes believing that makes people put off a very much needed alcohol quit.
Putting off sobriety can be deadly and devastating for everyone around you, regardless the number of diagnoses you have.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 268
I can't take psychiatric medication. In hindsight they made me worse. It might work for some people but not for me. I was only concerned about replacing one habit with another, but I will probably be fine. I was fine the last time I quit drinking.
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