Don't go off your store-bought neurotransmitters..... I'm back again. aaaahhhh.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 19
Don't go off your store-bought neurotransmitters..... I'm back again. aaaahhhh.
Let's make a long story short. I was laid off. Thought I'd find a job fairly easily. I did not. I was unemployed for a year. I lost my health insurance, so lost my prescription for the medications that were controlling my depression and anxiety and other conditions. But I was doing so well, I said, sober for all this time! I can do it, I said!
It started with a trip out to celebrate a friend's major accomplishment last month. One beer, they said, it's not going to be that bad. So I had it! The next week I had a glass of wine. The next week, a bottle of vodka. The next week, another. The third week, hey, let's have another. Four days ago I drank a 750mL in a day and a half. And then I woke up, stared at the ceiling and realized I was going to the Bad Place because it's just so hard to see where I'm going when my brain isn't clear and I'm depressed and anxious. And I am so depressed and so anxious and all I want is to go back on my brain meds.
But I hurt so bad. I have a job interview that I think is finally going to work out this Wednesday and then I am going to a conference on Friday where there might be more opportunities. Either way I have to get back to having health insurance, which I can't afford taking charity from my mom and my friends for my rent and groceries.
But I suppose it's time to go back to the doctor because I have pain in my liver area, really bad pain. I was reading about alcoholic hepatitis and all I can do is sob that this is what I'm feeling, I keep on coming back to SoberRecovery going "I'VE DONE IT THIS TIME" and dodging the bullet but I'VE DONE IT THIS TIME. So I need a job. And then I can go. Stupid America.
I've really done it this time.
This time I might have really killed myself.
Back on the horse. I suppose. They didn't want to see me back at my local AA but I am going to go tomorrow morning. I should have never left.
It started with a trip out to celebrate a friend's major accomplishment last month. One beer, they said, it's not going to be that bad. So I had it! The next week I had a glass of wine. The next week, a bottle of vodka. The next week, another. The third week, hey, let's have another. Four days ago I drank a 750mL in a day and a half. And then I woke up, stared at the ceiling and realized I was going to the Bad Place because it's just so hard to see where I'm going when my brain isn't clear and I'm depressed and anxious. And I am so depressed and so anxious and all I want is to go back on my brain meds.
But I hurt so bad. I have a job interview that I think is finally going to work out this Wednesday and then I am going to a conference on Friday where there might be more opportunities. Either way I have to get back to having health insurance, which I can't afford taking charity from my mom and my friends for my rent and groceries.
But I suppose it's time to go back to the doctor because I have pain in my liver area, really bad pain. I was reading about alcoholic hepatitis and all I can do is sob that this is what I'm feeling, I keep on coming back to SoberRecovery going "I'VE DONE IT THIS TIME" and dodging the bullet but I'VE DONE IT THIS TIME. So I need a job. And then I can go. Stupid America.
I've really done it this time.
This time I might have really killed myself.
Back on the horse. I suppose. They didn't want to see me back at my local AA but I am going to go tomorrow morning. I should have never left.
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