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Don't go off your store-bought neurotransmitters..... I'm back again. aaaahhhh.

Old 05-13-2018, 05:15 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Don't go off your store-bought neurotransmitters..... I'm back again. aaaahhhh.

Let's make a long story short. I was laid off. Thought I'd find a job fairly easily. I did not. I was unemployed for a year. I lost my health insurance, so lost my prescription for the medications that were controlling my depression and anxiety and other conditions. But I was doing so well, I said, sober for all this time! I can do it, I said!

It started with a trip out to celebrate a friend's major accomplishment last month. One beer, they said, it's not going to be that bad. So I had it! The next week I had a glass of wine. The next week, a bottle of vodka. The next week, another. The third week, hey, let's have another. Four days ago I drank a 750mL in a day and a half. And then I woke up, stared at the ceiling and realized I was going to the Bad Place because it's just so hard to see where I'm going when my brain isn't clear and I'm depressed and anxious. And I am so depressed and so anxious and all I want is to go back on my brain meds.

But I hurt so bad. I have a job interview that I think is finally going to work out this Wednesday and then I am going to a conference on Friday where there might be more opportunities. Either way I have to get back to having health insurance, which I can't afford taking charity from my mom and my friends for my rent and groceries.

But I suppose it's time to go back to the doctor because I have pain in my liver area, really bad pain. I was reading about alcoholic hepatitis and all I can do is sob that this is what I'm feeling, I keep on coming back to SoberRecovery going "I'VE DONE IT THIS TIME" and dodging the bullet but I'VE DONE IT THIS TIME. So I need a job. And then I can go. Stupid America.

I've really done it this time.

This time I might have really killed myself.

Back on the horse. I suppose. They didn't want to see me back at my local AA but I am going to go tomorrow morning. I should have never left.
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Old 05-13-2018, 05:29 PM
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I know you probably know this, but it's cheaper to see a doctor and pay out of pocket for meds than it is to drink.
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Old 05-13-2018, 05:33 PM
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Welcome back Madz

I hope you can find a way to see a Dr soon and get on your meds and get checked out.

Despite the fears, I hope you'll get a clean bill of health
D

D
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