wiggle25

Take a deep breath.
You are in complete control of your life.
The devil will attack your mind and as long as you allow it he will bring you down and fill it with terrible thoughts and cause so much pain and anxiety. Do NOT allow it!
Put everything you have and all your problems into the lords hands and clear your mind. Do not allow yourself to continue to think of whatever it is bringing you down because it is now being taking care of. The moment you ask the lord he begins.

You are not in world war 2 sitting in a trench along with others knowing your fate. You have a choice. And once you get through this you will be able to share your story with others.

August252015

I lost all my self respect drinking. I got it back in spades when I quit.

Strongly agree with those above, like Dee, and comments that this is an active deal - we have to DO not think our path sober.

I hope you try- just try!- some of the suggestions here.

Best to you.

lessgravity

Disappointed to hear you gave in, Ghost.

Rooting for you to put it down and join us sober ones on the other side. I've been there, as most of us all have, too many times. The longer I've been on SR and dealt with my demons it's clear there's just a single solution - not to drink. However you get there, that's where you need to be.

See you again soon on the sober side of the line.

AAPJ

Ghoster I agree that Self Respect is key to most folks recovery. For me I can say that meetings, prayer and step work along with getting a sponsor were very helpful in getting me to the ultimate goal of Self Respect and sobriety. But whatever path you choose as a recovery program I hope you get there! I certainly don't think that the recovery path I traveled is the only way to recovery for anyone else.

Ghoster18

Today is evil!! I'm lying her demolished!!
I'm still on the wine I have to have it or I want have it!!
My sprees are progressively horrendous.
I know I need medical attention for this glandular throat nightmare but I'll just lie here passing out waking up smoking which is like pouring acid onto a sore!!
It's where I'm at in my life today
I am in no doubt I'm in a freakin boxing ring with a gorilla!
I don't have to post on here but somehow It just keeps that hope lantern flickering!!!
AND she is there the most special woman in my life who loves me watching this battle unfold!!
We're all part of something unique here and If I come out of this alive I know it can help other addicts alcoholics find hope!!
I posted to daredevil that I wasn't an alcoholic sorry DD I am!!!

ScottFromWI

All you need to worry about right now is quitting Ghoster. Dumping out the bottles that you have and not buying anymore. All the mental gymnastics are just a sideshow. What you really need to see a doctor about is your drinking and I hope you can do so. Detox/rehab is what you need whether it's via a medically supervised/inpatient process or safely on your own with medical advice first.

Nonsensical

Boxing has rules.
Gorillas don't play by rules.

Seems like the best option is to get out of the ring.
That gorilla doesn't have what you're looking for, anyway.

tomsteve

do you want to stop drinking, ghoster?

soberista

Your profile at the side has a green light which shows you are on line. I don't believe you want to be drinking but you see alcohol, when in the hands of an alcoholic, well it takes away your ability to decide. The only way to get back that control is to stop drinking. Take back your ability to decide what you want to happen in your life. Because only you can do that. You need some help. You need some support. Most importantly you need to stop drinking. I hope you decide to do that.

Ghoster18

I was ambulanced in a 3-30 am to hospital
Then I had to undergo a terrifying procedure behind my tonsil with a very long thick needle I've never moaned and kicked so much in my life!!
They have been brilliant!
I have antibiotics and steroid currently pumping slowly through my body.
There is some really helpful posting on this thread thank you to everyone!!
Do I want to quit has been asked ...
I don't known how to answer it it's an odd thing!!

Consciously yes but elsewhere in my psyche no!!
I'm lying here feeling a little bit better compared to 6 hours ago. Because of the treatment I've received I was scared half to death I was incapable of swallowing eating or drinking! Even as I lie her now the addict in me is starting to.make me feel excited about going back into it all again!!
That s where my responsibility lies in that battle do I cave in or do I stay sting??
G

Dee74

You alreay know what happens when you give in...why not give staying strong a go?

Use all your support and all your strategies...think what advice you'd give to someone else in your position.

it's not a good idea to drink anything thats going to burn or inflame your throat anyway.

Be smart. Choose change.

D

Nonsensical

Only when you believe it's lies.
That's where the chain gets broken.
Interrupting that process is where freedom is born.
Believe something new.

Nowsthetime

Until this changes your journey is going to be an uphill battle. For me, acceptance and honesty was number 1.

I hope you turn this around. YOU cans do this!!!

ScottFromWI

Glad you got some medical assistance for your throat issues Ghoster. If you are still in the hospital, maybe sharing your drinking issue with the doctors/nurses would be a good idea. They could give you information about programs in your immediate area that you can work with.

djlook

Hello, Ghoster.

I bet you were scared while they were doing the medical procedures. I would have been too. I'm also glad you're getting some medical treatment. If you're going to be in the hospital a bit longer, would you be willing to call someone from AA to come talk with you. I've been sober for a good long time and I've made several hospital visits to talk to some (in my case, ladies. Another alcoholic understands like nobody else can, as in, one alcoholic talking to another, sharing their experience, strength, and hope. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Ghoster18

I've been home for around 9 hours.
The horrendous rupture procedure of the abscess Resulted in around 3 hours of dreadful discomfort, I won't go into details but after the 3 hours the poison which had been extracted from.my throat meant I started slowly to stabilize. My dreams whilst in hospital were so vivid I experienced some incredibly realistic sleep states and they were positive for me!!
I confided with the paramedics and two docs about my addiction, they reacted in a friendly but shocked fashion!
I'll stick with my tribe!!
I'm feeling peaceful thus evening but I am dosed up on codeine!
G

Rar

Get well soon Ghoster. Don't drink on those meds! Hoping this is the beginning of your recovery!

Ghoster18

10 pm.Sunday evening sober day!
Just spoke to my sponsor
I've read some Big Book done my JFT card
Tried calling other recovery addicts!
I wrote a list of my current turmoils!
It helped me see where I'm at!
I took action with the help if my Mum got all the required documentation to the debt solutions people and I've applied for 4 new jobs and I have an interview a week on Saturday for the job I was meant to go for yesterday but had to cancel after being in hospital!
The Doctor tried calling me today to see how I was doing but he couldn't reach me but spoke to Mum instead, She was my next of kin contact whilst I was in there!!
I'm currently taking 14 antibiotics a day plus codeine and a strong mouthwash!
I'm feeling pretty lousy still
It's very painful not sure really what to do I'll just keep on the meds and off the drink and take the actions that will help me stay in recovery!!
G

joandmelandhan

Ghoster this may sound a little crazy but maybe this throat thing is a lifeline. You're on strong medication yes? Would be really stupid to drink on the medication yes?
Use this to buy you some time out from alcohol!
Train your thinking whilst you have the safety net of the medication.
Rest and recuperate and come back stronger.
This medical emergency may just be the thing that kick starts your recovery again.
Not a bad spin on it?
Take care friend xxx

Ghoster18

Hey doesn't sound crazy at all my friend!!
It's exactly what I'm gonna do!
Stay well!
G