Back on the porch. :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Back on the porch. :)
So, I'm back on the porch drinking. I have what I perceive to be significant stressors in my life, but who doesn't have them? Oh - pre-surgery tests revealed, in addition to the nodule in my lung, there are issues with my aortic valve. Geez! I know drinking isn't going to help them, but I think I don't care anymore. I just can't muster the initiative to continue. I
I'm still logging in, but just letting you folks know - Im drinking.
I'm still logging in, but just letting you folks know - Im drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Next time try posting before you drink.
I mean, you know what we'll say now. Pour it out.
I never understand why people tell us when they have already decided to drink and or are drinking.
What kind of response would be helpful? I've got nothin'.
I mean, you know what we'll say now. Pour it out.
I never understand why people tell us when they have already decided to drink and or are drinking.
What kind of response would be helpful? I've got nothin'.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Welp, at least you know you can stop, though you put yourself through quite the time of it.
so if you decide to quit , you know how to stop, between stopping and quitting I found quitting immeasurably easier.
so if you decide to quit , you know how to stop, between stopping and quitting I found quitting immeasurably easier.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
sooo, no crap- there i was going through a clinical trial that was lookin at a new treatment for stage 3( and beyond) melanoma. had to be at the u of m cancer center 5 days/wk for 4 weeks for high dose infusions.
i wasnt that far in and was pretty sick. decided i was gonna tell my oncologist i was quitting the clinical trial. big huge honkin pity party.
sooo, no crap,there i was sittin in the waiting room of the infusion center waiting for my name to be called to go back. ready to tell my oncologist im DONE.
and out walks a woman with her son in her arms from the pediatric infusion unit. id say he was about 10 ish. walked right by me. the poor little gut was in rough shape.
seeing him and the look on his mothers face, i suddenly felt like the biggest pile of dog ****.
what i was facing was NOTHING and found the courage and strength to continue.
i wasnt that far in and was pretty sick. decided i was gonna tell my oncologist i was quitting the clinical trial. big huge honkin pity party.
sooo, no crap,there i was sittin in the waiting room of the infusion center waiting for my name to be called to go back. ready to tell my oncologist im DONE.
and out walks a woman with her son in her arms from the pediatric infusion unit. id say he was about 10 ish. walked right by me. the poor little gut was in rough shape.
seeing him and the look on his mothers face, i suddenly felt like the biggest pile of dog ****.
what i was facing was NOTHING and found the courage and strength to continue.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Sorry to hear it Rar. I totally get it. Sometimes the scale just seems to tip the wrong way, where once sobriety made sense then it just doesn't. I have been struggling on and off since Christmas with the same thing. Every time I have drank though I have realised pretty quickly that the consequences aren't worth it anymore. The pain and suffering just gets worse. Honestly, I hope you don't suffer for too long with this. You can start again when you are ready. You have been an incredibly warm, kind presence on SR. I would hate for you to fall silent.
Support to you.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
(((((Rar))))
I am really sorry to hear this, Rar. You have been going through some rough times, indeed.
I am not trying to diminish in any way whatsoever what you are going through. I can only Iimagine how hard it is. You didn't mention what the issues are with your aortic valves but it is my understanding that many are very treatable and successfully so; hope the same is true for you. As to the lung node, you previously mentioned a six month follow-up protocol; my bet is that is because the doc's level of concern is low.
Please pour everything out and get in the best possible shape for surgery and treatment; sobriety will be on your side.
I/we care very much about you.
Sending support and prayers.
I am really sorry to hear this, Rar. You have been going through some rough times, indeed.
I am not trying to diminish in any way whatsoever what you are going through. I can only Iimagine how hard it is. You didn't mention what the issues are with your aortic valves but it is my understanding that many are very treatable and successfully so; hope the same is true for you. As to the lung node, you previously mentioned a six month follow-up protocol; my bet is that is because the doc's level of concern is low.
Please pour everything out and get in the best possible shape for surgery and treatment; sobriety will be on your side.
I/we care very much about you.
Sending support and prayers.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear that Rar. You are right that we all have stressors, but you don't have to use them as an excuse to drink.
The fact that you logged on to let us know indicates that some part of you wants to be sober - so when you say you've got "nothing"...that's not true.
There's a good possibility that your health issues are very managable too - and I don't believe for a second that you don't care anymore. Again - you would not have logged in to tell us if you didn't.
You could very easily dump out what you have right now and I think you know that's the best choice. Why not do it?
The fact that you logged on to let us know indicates that some part of you wants to be sober - so when you say you've got "nothing"...that's not true.
There's a good possibility that your health issues are very managable too - and I don't believe for a second that you don't care anymore. Again - you would not have logged in to tell us if you didn't.
You could very easily dump out what you have right now and I think you know that's the best choice. Why not do it?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Rar - I'm glad you posted about what's going on. As we already know, it does nothing to make anything better or easier. Just a temporary bit of relief, but we pay the price. Dealing with things clearheaded is important - but I didn't follow that advice for years. I did myself a great disservice by staying numb & foggy. I hope you'll find your way back to sobriety. We care about you, Rar!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 350
Hi Rar
I managed 111 days pre Christmas then drank for appx 7. Bad mistake. Solved nothing. Sorted nothing. I drank because I convinced myself it would be fine and I would be better to be around if I was drinking with everyone else. But I don't drink like anyone else!
I did not enjoy the drinking because I was trying to control it but it doesn't work like that. It didn't make anything better at all and I thankfully was aware of that.
I was not better to be around and regret the mistake but it was done and so there it is!
I started again on Jan 1st it was not easy because I had self sabotaged and that was heavy on my conscience. No one on SR judged me, all I got was help.
I have done the alcohol merry go round over and over for years and years it's such a loop a repetitive cycle. I want more than that.
Life deals us some scary curve balls on occasion and sometimes we have to go through some pretty stressful stuff just because we are not in control of how things unfold.
I hope that you throw out the alcohol and rejoin the path to sobriety. And sooner is better.
All of the other things will unfold in time and ruminating over them will not help.
Dusty😎
I managed 111 days pre Christmas then drank for appx 7. Bad mistake. Solved nothing. Sorted nothing. I drank because I convinced myself it would be fine and I would be better to be around if I was drinking with everyone else. But I don't drink like anyone else!
I did not enjoy the drinking because I was trying to control it but it doesn't work like that. It didn't make anything better at all and I thankfully was aware of that.
I was not better to be around and regret the mistake but it was done and so there it is!
I started again on Jan 1st it was not easy because I had self sabotaged and that was heavy on my conscience. No one on SR judged me, all I got was help.
I have done the alcohol merry go round over and over for years and years it's such a loop a repetitive cycle. I want more than that.
Life deals us some scary curve balls on occasion and sometimes we have to go through some pretty stressful stuff just because we are not in control of how things unfold.
I hope that you throw out the alcohol and rejoin the path to sobriety. And sooner is better.
All of the other things will unfold in time and ruminating over them will not help.
Dusty😎
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