Starsabove32

So after getting sober, changing sooo many things, and leaving a toxic partner- I am now staying in a friend's spare room until I figure out what I want to do. The problem is that the said friend still continues the lifestyle I had before- going out drinking 2-3 times a week, not being very productive (often a day/days spent in his dressing gown)and eating terribly unhealthy food. Now, whilst I am very grateful to him, he represents everything I left and want to leave behind. I know how he leads his life is none of my business, and I potter on with mine. I find this hard to be around at times, I feel I owe him because he is allowing me to stay and at the same time I don't want to be around him. It's harsh to say, but how he leads his life is a reflection of a past I don't want to revisit. And sometimes knowing he's always up for a drinking buddy can sometimes put the notion in my head for a drink.

So my main quandary is that I'd like to buy my own property, people keep saying that renting is dead money and I agree. But, raising the deposit to buy my own place means remaining in this house for another 5-6 months, if not longer. I don't want to move to my parents because they have such little room for me. I'm sick of living out of suitcases. So.... I'm debating just renting anyway for now, and saving the deposit alongside. It'll take me much longer, but I'll have my own space. On the other hand I could stick it out and try my best to get the deposit together. I just think I'd be deeply unhappy in this time though.

Any thoughts?

MyLittleHorsie

There are a lot of buyer programs. I agree renting is not ideal. However real estate is considered one of the worst investments. The best, consistent market I ever bought in had an appreciation rate of 4% per year. I have low risk mutual funds with better return. We made out really well on our last property, that was about 6% a year and took 9 months of research to find and a market gamble. It set us up well to buy what I hope is a forever property.
I think decisions like this are hard in early sobriety. We worked closely with our broker and attorney. So it wasn't me making the decision alone, it was a group consensus.
You need to do what is best for your sobriety. A year or two renting while working towards a purchase isn't that bad. Do you have a financial advisor for your investments? I would start there. I did a major diversification into green energy last year and am quite pleased. If it were Me, I would sock 100 a week into a diversified fund, with compound interest and new buyer programs, you would be in a buyers position within 2 years. We spent three years researching for this purchase, nine months on the last. So your time won't be wasted.

Starsabove32

To be honest, I don't know much about these things other than the mortgage is cheaper a month than renting. And to be fair, if I was looking now I'd just be picking the first thing I came across which is reasonably suitable- as in, I'm really not fussy as long as it's in good condition. So realistically, it might be a better option to save away every month. I'm looking at about £12,000 deposit etc. At the moment that'd take me a year to save- provided I lived on very little and lived out of suitcases in spare rooms. My wages aren't massively impressive. (Certainly don't reflect my education lol but I love the job). I think renting and saving long term may be a better option.

Ah so to buy is an investment... Not just a quick fix to cheaper monthly payments?

Mac4711

Stars,
In my opinion protecting your sobriety should be your first priority, so you should go and rent a place. Yes, you’ll leave a bit on the table financially, but on the upside you get to live a sober life exactly how you want to.
Or, put the other way, so what if you save a few thousand, but end up drinking again?
In six, twelve months you’ll be in a much better places mentally, then by all means get with your broker and do what you want to do. No rush there.

Gottalife

In my part of the world, renting isn’t a bad option. When I got sober I was single and spent a good part of the first year in a small flat on my own. Best thing I ever did. It removed potential for resentment that can arise when living with others. If the meal wasn’t ready, if the bed wasn’t made, if the place wasn’t clean, no one else to blame. And I could go to meetings etc whenever I liked. It helped a lot with my sobriety to remove those distractions.

Also, recovery has a way of opening new doors and new opportunities. Renting for the time being makes it easier to take advantage of these when they come along.

Dee74

I vote for renting too - not exactly dead money in this case if it helps keep you sober and at peace

D

PeacefulWater12

I think renting a space for you to live in and work your recovery is the most helpful way forward for you.

It was kind of your pal to put you up, you are obviously ready to move ahead now. So time to say thanks and let him go. All part of the natural process of growing and changing, I feel.

Good work.

I found your post motivating, thanks for sharing.

MantaLady

With you saying £12,000 I hope I am assuming correctly that you’re in the UK?

The housing market in the UK isn't very buoyant at the moment until we are post brexit, there is low stock as people are not wanting to move. This is putting up the prices of the very few properties that are up for sale so you’re paying more for something that in a year might be much cheaper. I rented when I split up with my ex and it was the best thing I ever did, it did take me 3 years to get the deposit together (similar amount to you) but it worked out in the end and having 3 years of financial history as a renter showing I can pay everything on time got me a much better mortgage deal.

Renting is a good option for now, as Mike says, you are in control of your own environment and that does help a lot when getting (and staying) sober. It’s very kind of your friend to put you up but you may end up resenting them as you start to change your life and they are still stuck in the same old routine.

Best of luck with whatever you decide, just make sure that decision is what is best for you and not a decision made thinking about how others will think or feel. You need to put you first for a change!

MantaLady

On a side note, once you have bought a house, if you decide for whatever reason the location is not for you it is not that easy to up sticks and move somewhere else (which you can do if you are renting). After a 10 year bad relationship if I had the money when we split I would have bought anything anywhere just because it sure as heck would have been better than where I had come from.

A few years renting gave me space to work out where I really did want to place down roots. The choice I made on the location was very different to the choice I would have made had I bought immediately after leaving him and I am glad I waited.

Starsabove32

Thank you all. Yes in Northern Ireland and true I don't know where I want to settle yet. I think for my own sanity I need my own place. I collect this person or run them to the pub the odd time, and it's very tempting to go in.... Which I often do, and have a coffee. He also feeds back to me about my ex boyfriend, even though I tell him not to. It's just not mentally a good situation, for recovery and for moving on. I can save up deposit for rent in maybe two months and go rent a little while. It'll be less money, but I'll have my own space.

yinzer

I believe you really need your own space. Another vote here for renting.

Buckley3

Probably already been said by the many wise people around here - I didn't take the time to read all the responses. But here's my take-

Sobriety and the construction of your new life MUST be your #1 priority. If you do that you won't be sorry. Home ownership is a long term thing - or at least, it can be. Renting for a year is nothing in the big picture, especially if it means you will be in an environment that enables you to continue to grow in your sobriety.

Renting can be cheaper too. Which can provide you the time to pull together a deposit and get financially fit. Heck, 2 years renting a place that doesn't break the bank is still nothing in the big picture.

Don't delay the steps you need to take to stay sober and grow. Have a sense of urgency about it.

-B