Downfall
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Downfall
I've been drinking while watching Downfall about Hitler and the Reich's last days, and it seems so very apt.
The end is there right in front of me yet I still carry on with this stupid, pointless, destructive behaviour.
A normal person knows what's happening, knows what's going on, sees how futile it all is and stops. But Hitler carries on, - just like Arsene Wenger - until the very end.
And that's what I do with the drinking. Common sense doesn't matter in this. I'm about to be taken over by the Russians.
The rockbottom thing makes a lot of sense. There's something deep down in us that controls us. If our life isn't right then we have to find alternative ways of coping. Drinking isn't a conscious thing I don't reckon. There's something, the depths that controls us and us splashing about isn't going to change the ocean beneath us.
It doesn't matter about logic. We're not - well I'm not - controlled by my conscious mind. I'm not in charge of this rampaging maniac. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm going along nicely, oh look I've got this sorted and then from nowhere, the thought comes into my head - drink, drink, drink.
I'm not asking for any help really. I think it's impossible. I just thought I'd write because I know that's what all you other people are going through.
There's no answers to give. People might say positive things, but the fact is when I drink I'll usually drink 3 bottles of 14% wine in one evening which I've nearly done now. I'm already thinking about the local shop shutting. which it does at 10.00.
There's nothing much to be done here. What could you good people do except to say, "don't do it."
The whole thing is pointless really. I'm wasting everyone's time because I don't effectively do anything about it. I had some success with the AVRT idea, but I'm back again so that doesn't work. I don't believe in the AA higher power idea - it wouldn't work, I don't believe it.
The only time I've ever gone without drink in my adult life was in 2004 after I was in hospital for a month after having meningitis. After that I didn't touch any alcohol for 7 years.
So, that's it - so drunk I can't find the ' key - oh there it is.
Why I'm so unsuccessful on here is I don't ask for anything, request anything. I don't engage say, this is my problem and why in detail, and then I hope that someone will say, "oh here's the answer you stupid berk.
All I ever do is come on here and make speeches. I never say, this is the truth, this is what my disaster is. I always seem to come on and go round the houses. Where it would really work would be if I would say help me. Just be open, tell the truth. I'm in trouble, what do I do? Do I matter?
It's not a drinking problem, that's just the symptom., it's deeper than that that. Do other people think that it's something deeper than just some chemical thing? Is there a point where it's not a drinking problem but a mental health thing.?
Anyway, Downfall, good film. I don't want to spoil the ending but he lost in the end.
The end is there right in front of me yet I still carry on with this stupid, pointless, destructive behaviour.
A normal person knows what's happening, knows what's going on, sees how futile it all is and stops. But Hitler carries on, - just like Arsene Wenger - until the very end.
And that's what I do with the drinking. Common sense doesn't matter in this. I'm about to be taken over by the Russians.
The rockbottom thing makes a lot of sense. There's something deep down in us that controls us. If our life isn't right then we have to find alternative ways of coping. Drinking isn't a conscious thing I don't reckon. There's something, the depths that controls us and us splashing about isn't going to change the ocean beneath us.
It doesn't matter about logic. We're not - well I'm not - controlled by my conscious mind. I'm not in charge of this rampaging maniac. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm going along nicely, oh look I've got this sorted and then from nowhere, the thought comes into my head - drink, drink, drink.
I'm not asking for any help really. I think it's impossible. I just thought I'd write because I know that's what all you other people are going through.
There's no answers to give. People might say positive things, but the fact is when I drink I'll usually drink 3 bottles of 14% wine in one evening which I've nearly done now. I'm already thinking about the local shop shutting. which it does at 10.00.
There's nothing much to be done here. What could you good people do except to say, "don't do it."
The whole thing is pointless really. I'm wasting everyone's time because I don't effectively do anything about it. I had some success with the AVRT idea, but I'm back again so that doesn't work. I don't believe in the AA higher power idea - it wouldn't work, I don't believe it.
The only time I've ever gone without drink in my adult life was in 2004 after I was in hospital for a month after having meningitis. After that I didn't touch any alcohol for 7 years.
So, that's it - so drunk I can't find the ' key - oh there it is.
Why I'm so unsuccessful on here is I don't ask for anything, request anything. I don't engage say, this is my problem and why in detail, and then I hope that someone will say, "oh here's the answer you stupid berk.
All I ever do is come on here and make speeches. I never say, this is the truth, this is what my disaster is. I always seem to come on and go round the houses. Where it would really work would be if I would say help me. Just be open, tell the truth. I'm in trouble, what do I do? Do I matter?
It's not a drinking problem, that's just the symptom., it's deeper than that that. Do other people think that it's something deeper than just some chemical thing? Is there a point where it's not a drinking problem but a mental health thing.?
Anyway, Downfall, good film. I don't want to spoil the ending but he lost in the end.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Always remember that by chance I came out of the hospital, and the first night went to some Islington art place that by chance had free wine and how I at that moment, no thinking about it beforehand, decided I didn't want it and the sense of liberation I felt when I could just walk around and look at the crap paintings.
My one sober time.
My one sober time.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Hey, Taplow.
How's it going? That's funny - to quote you: "I don't believe in the AA higher power idea - it wouldn't work, I don't believe it."
It's best you don't believe in the higher power stuff, the power greater than yourself stuff, the God, religious, or other stuff right now. We've all got to try stuff, and if it works, it becomes our belief system. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is about getting well, not getting good. Some of the sickest people I've met in my life are alcoholics who try and get "good." I sponsored a gal one time who said the worst thing she ever did in her life was pat a guy on the butt. I said, "Honey, I really don't think you're an alcoholic." She died drunk. Her last words were, "But, you don't understand."
I don't know you, but I just thought that was funny when you said, "Sorry, I'm just drunk." I attended my first few meetings higher than a kite, I didn't get the higher power concept, didn't want to. All I was looking for was a way to stop the hurting. The loneliness was the worst part. All those ole' people said to me was, "Keep coming back." And I did.
How's it going? That's funny - to quote you: "I don't believe in the AA higher power idea - it wouldn't work, I don't believe it."
It's best you don't believe in the higher power stuff, the power greater than yourself stuff, the God, religious, or other stuff right now. We've all got to try stuff, and if it works, it becomes our belief system. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is about getting well, not getting good. Some of the sickest people I've met in my life are alcoholics who try and get "good." I sponsored a gal one time who said the worst thing she ever did in her life was pat a guy on the butt. I said, "Honey, I really don't think you're an alcoholic." She died drunk. Her last words were, "But, you don't understand."
I don't know you, but I just thought that was funny when you said, "Sorry, I'm just drunk." I attended my first few meetings higher than a kite, I didn't get the higher power concept, didn't want to. All I was looking for was a way to stop the hurting. The loneliness was the worst part. All those ole' people said to me was, "Keep coming back." And I did.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
I'm not joking. I don't know why I did the last post but I think it was because someone posted something.
I've tried to delete all of them, all of my posts, but don't know how. I've tried editing them down to a full stop but for some reason it doesn't work.
How do I delete all my posts? I don't want them there and I realise I've just made another one.
Blimey.
I've tried to delete all of them, all of my posts, but don't know how. I've tried editing them down to a full stop but for some reason it doesn't work.
How do I delete all my posts? I don't want them there and I realise I've just made another one.
Blimey.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Okay I'm drunk. I might want to delete the posts. Really I want to delete the world.
So you don't know how to delete posts either djlook?
I was just wondering if maybe it's not a problem if I don't see it as a problem.
Sounds really meaningful.
So you don't know how to delete posts either djlook?
I was just wondering if maybe it's not a problem if I don't see it as a problem.
Sounds really meaningful.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Last time you were here you had a much different outlook Taplow.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6880581 (Embarrasing Admission)
Perhaps signing off until you sober up a bit might be a good idea.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6880581 (Embarrasing Admission)
Perhaps signing off until you sober up a bit might be a good idea.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Posts cannot be deleted by users. You have a short window to edit them after posting, deleting entire posts is not a feature of the forum. Please contact and admin directly if you require further clarification.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by taplow 
I'm not joking. I don't know why I did the last post but I think it was because someone posted something.
I've tried to delete all of them, all of my posts, but don't know how. I've tried editing them down to a full stop but for some reason it doesn't work.
How do I delete all my posts? I don't want them there and I realise I've just made another one.
Blimey.
I've tried to delete all of them, all of my posts, but don't know how. I've tried editing them down to a full stop but for some reason it doesn't work.
How do I delete all my posts? I don't want them there and I realise I've just made another one.
Blimey.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Okay, so I can't take it back. There they are. I regret saying these things but the whole thread - including this - has been about wishing I hadn't said these things.
I've tried to delete them and I can't even reduce them to a full stop. So I think that I should be able to deny them on a subsequent post, which I'm doing now.
What a waste of everyone's time.
I've tried to delete them and I can't even reduce them to a full stop. So I think that I should be able to deny them on a subsequent post, which I'm doing now.
What a waste of everyone's time.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
We crossed over there Katzen. I wasn't looking the other way. God, the party buying chips thing sounds terrible. I can imagine it.
When I go to the supermarket I just feel a bit embarrassed because I know they know me. But I don't really care. Maybe it's different for a woman.
When I go to the supermarket I just feel a bit embarrassed because I know they know me. But I don't really care. Maybe it's different for a woman.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Alcohol makes you stupid. It doesn't make the world more interesting. It just makes you stupid. Only if you're drinking can you sit there at a bar on your own or talk to a completely unintersting person.
Drink gives you nothing. It's a complete reversal.
When you're young you want the world. Of course that's impossible so you start drinking and shrink the world to your size.
I hate alcohol.
Drink gives you nothing. It's a complete reversal.
When you're young you want the world. Of course that's impossible so you start drinking and shrink the world to your size.
I hate alcohol.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
The whole thing is pointless really. I'm wasting everyone's time because I don't effectively do anything about it. I had some success with the AVRT idea, but I'm back again so that doesn't work. I don't believe in the AA higher power idea - it wouldn't work, I don't believe it.
taplow, it isn't that any one plan or program fails....it is that we fail to keep the plan in place and attend to our program with vigilance.
notice how many things you discount. nope won't work, didn't work, don't like it. you're like a pitcher on the mound shaking off the catcher.....some day you are going to have throw the ball. and do so to the best of your ability.
here's a secret....it's actually a LOT easier to stay sober than it is to keep drinking. a lot less planning, plotting, dodging, outright lying, headaches, body aches. failing health, isolation.
taplow, it isn't that any one plan or program fails....it is that we fail to keep the plan in place and attend to our program with vigilance.
notice how many things you discount. nope won't work, didn't work, don't like it. you're like a pitcher on the mound shaking off the catcher.....some day you are going to have throw the ball. and do so to the best of your ability.
here's a secret....it's actually a LOT easier to stay sober than it is to keep drinking. a lot less planning, plotting, dodging, outright lying, headaches, body aches. failing health, isolation.
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