Dean1978

It's a with a heavy hurt that after over 2 years of sobriety, this weekend, my guard slipped and ended up drinking.

This site is a like a second family to me, whether it is lurking and reading or trying to encourage others. I feel by being honest with everyone means I am accountable for my actions.

Why did I drink? I think I was in a place where I felt in total control and that control would mean I "could have 1 and stop" but I didnt stop.

The one thing I am scared off is slipping backwards, Im trying to remain positive so that I dont fall into the cycle of misery>drink>misery that can happen.

Any suggestions or advice is warmly welcomed.

It feels better now I have got it off my chest.

(I also need to read my signature more and absorb it)

Midwest1981

thanks for posting. Please remember that those 2 years of sobriety aren't wasted years! I am confident you learned a lot during that time period about yourself that will make it easier to get back on track. I think the important thing is not to be to hard on yourself and learn from it. It isn't a failure if you learn something.

doggonecarl

Coming here after the relapse is a great start.

I initially came to SR after my decision to quit drinking. After being a daily drinker for 30+ years, I wanted to stop, and get sober.

I was also an addict, though my use over the last 20 years had become very intermittent. Yet, it was drugs that I relapsed on, ending a five-year clean streak on a weekend spree.

I guess because it wasn't "drinking" it was okay. Of course it wasn't. Why'd I slip? I had gotten lax on my recovery, didn't have all the weak spots in my defense covered. I wanted to get high more than I wanted to remain straight. Lucky for me, it ended after a few days.

I came back with re-doubled efforts and a re-committment to my recovery. So far, so good.

lessgravity

I don't see those two years as wasted at all - especially because you weren't wasted. I'm sure most here will agree with that, as you will too once you get out of where you are.

Why did you get sober for that long?

PinnacleOR

I agree with Midwest, I don’t consider my time wasted, I was more doing what I needed to do and learning what I needed to learn to be where I am today. What did you learn from those two years that will make today and tomorrow better?

Nonsensical

One drinking day doesn't erase 2 years of sobriety any more than 1 sober day erases 2 years of drinking.

Mistakes were made.
Go forth and don't make that mistake again!

You can do this!

WaterOx

Thanks for sharing Dean. No advice here as I'm only 4 months in. Just glad you could share as it provides insight to what we are all going through.

I have a feeling you'll be fine.

biminiblue

I'm sorry to hear this, Dean.

Double down. This is real danger time.

You'll probably get thoughts of, "Well, I may as well, " or, "I'll just drink for the summer," or, "Hm. That wasn't so bad. I didn't spiral down to peeing the bed, or driving to the store under the influence, I was pretty controlled!" or any number of crazy addictive thoughts.

I need you on the sober side. C'mon bud. Stick with us.

I picked up after many many years. It took me seven years to get back to the sober side, and that last year I drank was one I won't forget. It doesn't get better, only worse.

I hope you don't follow the path I did.

wynwrights

2 years is a great achievement. Massive. Get back on that horse! And thank you for the reminder that sobriety takes vigilance. I’m making a careful mental note.

Dean1978

Thank you, I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head. I think I was being over confident and for me forgot those deepest/dark areas I had come from.

I'm hoping this blip/fall/wobble will help me 1. remember where I as 2 years ago (a horrible dark place) and 2. provide me with insight for the future.

This is my "new" day 2 and already AV is shouting long and hard hence why I came here as I wanted to be around my SR family.

Dean1978

Thanks Blue and thank you for sharing your experience. I will be clinging to SR even more so over the next week or two as I try and fight urges and the AV,

Stronger2017

I’m really sorry to hear that Dean. I had nearly three years and ended up drinking. It took 18 months to get back - now eight months sober. Do whatever it takes man to get sober as drinking again totally sucks. You’re in my thoughts.

Dean1978

Thats my concern but being here always reminds me of the reality of drinking and not the beautiful picture AV paints in your head. Thats what I need to feed myself at the moment as the latter is what made me relapse.

biminiblue

The beginning of summer, perhaps? That Bank Holiday, beachy warm weather?

Alcohol isn't the cherry on the sundae of good weather, it's the vomit the next morning.

You made it through last summer. Don't ruin this one.

PeacefulWater12

Sorry to read your post but well done on coming here and your awareness that your AV will have been awakened.

I am in Devon too, a beautifully sunny day here. A great day to not drink.

Dean1978

I wont lie but after 9 years it is nice to see a fellow Devonoian (not in the best circumstances admitted). Thank you all for your kind words and not anger, not because SR is like that but more so I built myself up or (beat myself up). This SR family really is the best from day 0 to day 999

Verdantia

Those two years weren't wasted, Dean. You gained a lot of valuable insight that you can use to ensure you won't relapse again. I relapsed after 15 years of sobriety--I was full of anger and disappointment and guilt and it took 6 years and some truly hellish experiences to get back to it. Even that wasn't enough and I relapsed, for one single day. At the end of that day I'd attempted suicide (wrecking my car in the process) and woke up in the ER with a subdural hematoma. I checked into rehab as soon as I was released, and thanks to the grace of a God, a strong plan and the wonderful people at SR I now have 29 months of blessed sobriety. I will never drink again.
Wishing you all the best on your continuing journey of sobriety.

BDTL

Failure is a stepping stone to success. You got this so don't give up and focus on the prize.

Dee74

Like everyone else I was to reassure you that sober time is never wasted. I think Bim has it right - double down.

Do whatever you did before to stay sober and really work it.

If you find the AV to be louder and more persistent now, think about what else you could do if needed?

welcome back

D

thomas11

How are you doing today Dean?