Beach trip—looking for tips and encouragement
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Beach trip—looking for tips and encouragement
HI out there. Next week a very good friend and I are doing a beach trip for 2.5 days just like we did a year ago. Or was it two? I can’t really remember but I was drinking and she hadn’t been diagnosed with cancer so it feels like a long time ago. We go and visit another dear friend and her husband. It is just a quick trip without kids and spouses (for us) and without work (for me—the others are retired). I am really, really looking forward to it but I just want to come on here and seek some advice. And given her diagnosis I just want her to be able to do something sweet and fun and relaxing. (But I am not trying to sound like I”m only doing it for her; that would be overselling it. I am really, genuinely, completely and to my core looking forward to being away from my responsibilities just for a couple days).
First off, the friends we are visiting are old drinking buddies. They were never the way that I was (getting as numbed as I could for as long as I could no matter how many trips I had to make to the box of wine every single solitary night) but certainly would do some real hard drinking with me on occasion. They are loving friends and while the wife (the one I am closer to out of the couple) expressed that she was worried I was going to be a teetotaler the first time I quit drinking, I honestly think she was just processing. She was extremely supportive and only said this after I resumed drinking. That kind of makes it sound like she’s not actually supportive but really, she is a true friend and my supposition is that if I am just honest with her about how I was feeling just like I have been with other people who now understand and respect my decision, it will all be fine. For the most part I look forward to catching up with them and not being preoccupied with how I can get more booze, how I will feel the next day (or pretending I feel super when I don’t), etc.
But I do worry that being near the beach, being in this party place could distract me. I think there are some who will say don’t go. I guess that’s a possibility but not one I’m up for. I am going to go. So I’m wondering how others have made sure they have a positive focus. I’m certainly excited about how good it will feel to work out and sleep late without the chatter of my kids. I’m thinking about checking out my first AA meeting since I won’t be working all the time. I will shop for my kids and hopefully remember that what makes the beach and a trip fun is the company, is the fact that I have this amazing life where I can walk on the beach and take time for myself away from work and do what I want, etc. It’s not booze. Booze doesn’t make a good time good but it can make a good time bad. I’m also going to drink a crap ton of coffee and eat as much ice cream as I darn well please.
Any other tips? I guess the other reason I’m asking is this is kind of a warm-up for a two-week trip to the same spot this summer, this time with my hard drinking husband. That will be a challenge but again I’m mostly looking forward to feeling good in the mornings. Not feeling like I”m in a daze as a parent. Not having my primary focus each day be on trying to catch a buzz more than once. ETC. But still. I just want to equip myself as best I can. I don’t want to go back to the way I was.
Oh, I have 125 days sober as of today. Well thanks in advance! I know I’ll get good advice here. Even if some of it is hard to hear.
First off, the friends we are visiting are old drinking buddies. They were never the way that I was (getting as numbed as I could for as long as I could no matter how many trips I had to make to the box of wine every single solitary night) but certainly would do some real hard drinking with me on occasion. They are loving friends and while the wife (the one I am closer to out of the couple) expressed that she was worried I was going to be a teetotaler the first time I quit drinking, I honestly think she was just processing. She was extremely supportive and only said this after I resumed drinking. That kind of makes it sound like she’s not actually supportive but really, she is a true friend and my supposition is that if I am just honest with her about how I was feeling just like I have been with other people who now understand and respect my decision, it will all be fine. For the most part I look forward to catching up with them and not being preoccupied with how I can get more booze, how I will feel the next day (or pretending I feel super when I don’t), etc.
But I do worry that being near the beach, being in this party place could distract me. I think there are some who will say don’t go. I guess that’s a possibility but not one I’m up for. I am going to go. So I’m wondering how others have made sure they have a positive focus. I’m certainly excited about how good it will feel to work out and sleep late without the chatter of my kids. I’m thinking about checking out my first AA meeting since I won’t be working all the time. I will shop for my kids and hopefully remember that what makes the beach and a trip fun is the company, is the fact that I have this amazing life where I can walk on the beach and take time for myself away from work and do what I want, etc. It’s not booze. Booze doesn’t make a good time good but it can make a good time bad. I’m also going to drink a crap ton of coffee and eat as much ice cream as I darn well please.
Any other tips? I guess the other reason I’m asking is this is kind of a warm-up for a two-week trip to the same spot this summer, this time with my hard drinking husband. That will be a challenge but again I’m mostly looking forward to feeling good in the mornings. Not feeling like I”m in a daze as a parent. Not having my primary focus each day be on trying to catch a buzz more than once. ETC. But still. I just want to equip myself as best I can. I don’t want to go back to the way I was.
Oh, I have 125 days sober as of today. Well thanks in advance! I know I’ll get good advice here. Even if some of it is hard to hear.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hey girl! Wow, 125 days, that is awesome. I think you really hit the nail on the head with this one: Booze doesn’t make a good time good but it can make a good time bad. Do your friends know you're not drinking?
I think the most important thing is to have a plan, and things you look forward to that don't involve drinking (coffee, ice cream, sleep, working out, check!) Sitting on the beach, reading, going to an AA meeting, talking to your friends, listening to what they have to say, and remembering it! Overall, it sounds like this is a reality that you will not be trying to escape from. You will leave recharged and relaxed, as long as you don't drink, which will (of course) leave you feeling sick, regretful, miserable, and hopeless. Will you have a way to post to SR without technical difficulties?
I think the most important thing is to have a plan, and things you look forward to that don't involve drinking (coffee, ice cream, sleep, working out, check!) Sitting on the beach, reading, going to an AA meeting, talking to your friends, listening to what they have to say, and remembering it! Overall, it sounds like this is a reality that you will not be trying to escape from. You will leave recharged and relaxed, as long as you don't drink, which will (of course) leave you feeling sick, regretful, miserable, and hopeless. Will you have a way to post to SR without technical difficulties?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I think PS has it right. I've posted about similar trips etc and gotten the range of advice, including many people who advise just to skip. I refuse to skip out on things though, so maybe I'm not the best one to give advice. But either way - if you are going just make sure your toolbox is full. Have plans, readings, access to SR/AA, tell your friends you are not drinking so that you aren't giving your AV an excuse should they encourage you, plan to urge surf etc.
Another thing I've found extremely helpful is take a few minutes, maybe more, before your trip, close your eyes and literally envision the whole thing sober from start to finish as best you can. Think about the trip there, arriving. Think about the nights that others are drinking and how you will react/what you will do. Envision all the the positive things that are going to happen b/c you are sober - up early enjoying the beach for once, in control of yourself so that you are present and not a drunk etc etc. I found this to be maybe the most helpful of all becuase you go in with clear and encouraging expectations of how you will experience the time and also how you will get through.
Most of all enjoy. I've found being sober around people closest to me, even if they are drinking, is a very rewarding experience.
Best of luck and please stay in touch.
Another thing I've found extremely helpful is take a few minutes, maybe more, before your trip, close your eyes and literally envision the whole thing sober from start to finish as best you can. Think about the trip there, arriving. Think about the nights that others are drinking and how you will react/what you will do. Envision all the the positive things that are going to happen b/c you are sober - up early enjoying the beach for once, in control of yourself so that you are present and not a drunk etc etc. I found this to be maybe the most helpful of all becuase you go in with clear and encouraging expectations of how you will experience the time and also how you will get through.
Most of all enjoy. I've found being sober around people closest to me, even if they are drinking, is a very rewarding experience.
Best of luck and please stay in touch.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Numblady
Looks like the trips all set so I'm not going to say cancel - no point
If you're going, I think it'd important to let everyone know straight up that you're not drinking - you don;t need to give chapter and verse, but not saying anything and having to constantly fend off invites and pressure to drink can be very hard, and wearing over the course of a few days
here are some ideas for social occasions
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
having a escape plan is essential I think - even if you never use it, it's great to have.
this link is a good one for me to remind myself of why I'm doing this whole recovery thing - its about a lot more than just not drinking.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (101 Helpful Hints For Recovery)
I hope you have a great sober time
D
Looks like the trips all set so I'm not going to say cancel - no point
If you're going, I think it'd important to let everyone know straight up that you're not drinking - you don;t need to give chapter and verse, but not saying anything and having to constantly fend off invites and pressure to drink can be very hard, and wearing over the course of a few days
here are some ideas for social occasions
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
having a escape plan is essential I think - even if you never use it, it's great to have.
this link is a good one for me to remind myself of why I'm doing this whole recovery thing - its about a lot more than just not drinking.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (101 Helpful Hints For Recovery)
I hope you have a great sober time
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Congrats on 125 days sober.
I can't give "advice" only share what I would have done, in fact what I did do.
I wouldn't have gone nor on the other upcoming trip with your drinker husband. My husband still drinks and believe me a fortnight with a drunk isn't a holiday!
Wishing you well with whatever you decide to do.
I can't give "advice" only share what I would have done, in fact what I did do.
I wouldn't have gone nor on the other upcoming trip with your drinker husband. My husband still drinks and believe me a fortnight with a drunk isn't a holiday!
Wishing you well with whatever you decide to do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 780
Make sure you always have plenty of alternate drinks on hand......sparkling water, cola, whatever. Keep a fancy bottle of your favorite with you.
Sounds like you already have some strategies. Meditate by the beach. Check in here! Enjoy!
Sounds like you already have some strategies. Meditate by the beach. Check in here! Enjoy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Pecking on my phone so can’t type much yet but will be back. For now just wanted to say big thanks to all of you who have responded so far.
LG I have related a lot to your posts of not wanting to give up social occasions.
Bottom line thank you ALL for your thoughtful posts. Keep ‘em coming. Oh and I will be on here for sure!!! Get ready for some long rambling (sober) posts.
LG I have related a lot to your posts of not wanting to give up social occasions.
Bottom line thank you ALL for your thoughtful posts. Keep ‘em coming. Oh and I will be on here for sure!!! Get ready for some long rambling (sober) posts.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
OH! One more thing I was just thinking about: Have a plan for extra vigilance when you return from the trip. I've invested so much time in worrying about a potentially high-stress event, only to make it through and then falter soon after. It's as if I say, "whew, I made it! Time to relax (and let my guard down)." That way of thinking can definitely leave an opening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Ha, again I'm seconding PS - I think something similar may have happened to me, at least subconsciously the last time I went away, came home and then drank. Although it also might have just been me giving in to my addiction and finding any excuse.
Either way, vigilance post-trip is important as well, agree with PS.
But I do say that the visualizing thing to me was perhaps the most effective.
Either way, vigilance post-trip is important as well, agree with PS.
But I do say that the visualizing thing to me was perhaps the most effective.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Palmer, great advice all around. Like I said earlier will definitely be on SR (probably a lot). Great tip about not “rewarding” myself when I get back.
Oh and to everyone, my friends all know I’m sober. I may decide to explain the motivation behind it a little more but bottom line they know. And I’ll bring/make sure I have a nice supply of NA drinks. I am really in to sparkling waters, ginger beers, tonic & lime, and the occasional Coca Cola.
Less Gravity, as mentioned above I have really related to some of your posts/threads. I think sometimes I get a little discouraged when I hear that I should live in an alcohol free house and have an alcohol free life because if there’s only one path and I’m not on it, does that mean I’m doomed to fail? I think all advice given is kindly meant and helpful as people share what worked for them but sometimes I think, crap, am I screwed before I even really start? (Note: I try not to let this AV type of thought process actually permeate...just sometimes it crosses my mind). I REALLY really love the idea of the visualization. I didn’t get too far through the trip yet but it did help me realize I may not make a meeting just because we are taking my friend’s car. Or maybe I will. Either way I’ll have to think it through and visualize the trip. Just love that idea.
Dee, as always, thank you. I”m going to browse and subscribe to those threads to keep it all handy when I leave next week. You rock!
PeacefulWater, you also make some really good points. I’m feeling good about this upcoming trip, but definitely part of me wishes I could just have a sober vacation with my husband. Still I’m not ready to vacation without him and one great thing about having kids is their idea of a party is drinking soda pop and making poop sculptures out of sand so I can hopefully hang with them more and focus more on them than I have in the past.
Yinzer, great ideas. I’m also sort of toying with the idea of an NA beer. I know this is a controversial subject but I don’t like beer much and I still have 5 out of the 6 that I bought two months ago and am just thinking this might be a chance to use one up. Then again, life is short. Why drink a thing I don’t like when I could drink ginger beer, which I do like? So maybe I should just dump ‘em!
Off to read the threads Dee led me too. Again, thank you all.
Oh and to everyone, my friends all know I’m sober. I may decide to explain the motivation behind it a little more but bottom line they know. And I’ll bring/make sure I have a nice supply of NA drinks. I am really in to sparkling waters, ginger beers, tonic & lime, and the occasional Coca Cola.
Less Gravity, as mentioned above I have really related to some of your posts/threads. I think sometimes I get a little discouraged when I hear that I should live in an alcohol free house and have an alcohol free life because if there’s only one path and I’m not on it, does that mean I’m doomed to fail? I think all advice given is kindly meant and helpful as people share what worked for them but sometimes I think, crap, am I screwed before I even really start? (Note: I try not to let this AV type of thought process actually permeate...just sometimes it crosses my mind). I REALLY really love the idea of the visualization. I didn’t get too far through the trip yet but it did help me realize I may not make a meeting just because we are taking my friend’s car. Or maybe I will. Either way I’ll have to think it through and visualize the trip. Just love that idea.
Dee, as always, thank you. I”m going to browse and subscribe to those threads to keep it all handy when I leave next week. You rock!
PeacefulWater, you also make some really good points. I’m feeling good about this upcoming trip, but definitely part of me wishes I could just have a sober vacation with my husband. Still I’m not ready to vacation without him and one great thing about having kids is their idea of a party is drinking soda pop and making poop sculptures out of sand so I can hopefully hang with them more and focus more on them than I have in the past.
Yinzer, great ideas. I’m also sort of toying with the idea of an NA beer. I know this is a controversial subject but I don’t like beer much and I still have 5 out of the 6 that I bought two months ago and am just thinking this might be a chance to use one up. Then again, life is short. Why drink a thing I don’t like when I could drink ginger beer, which I do like
? So maybe I should just dump ‘em!Off to read the threads Dee led me too. Again, thank you all.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I second Less, Dee and PS - but I have to say it as I usually do. Don't go. You're 4 mo sober - I can only relate that nothing is more important than my sobriety- not a trip, not a wedding, not...my husband. Seriously. I was exceedingly deliberate about developing my no mechanism, and really getting to know what I wanted to do. I didn't take a trip til 9 mo- first party at 14, first wedding at 17....
I've never regretted opting out of something.
I'm sure you will still go so I will also advise the detailed plan making and that (hopefully) post-trip had success high being a time you work your plan even harder.
Best to you.
I've never regretted opting out of something.
I'm sure you will still go so I will also advise the detailed plan making and that (hopefully) post-trip had success high being a time you work your plan even harder.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Hi Numblady!
Firstly, congratulations on 125 days!! Amazing!
I think it is so great that you are looking forward to this trip and it sounds as though you deserve this break as much as anyone with the incredible amount of effort you expend between work, family, working out and life commitments in general. You are an impressive lady on the work ethic and go-getter front for sure!
I was thinking about your dilemma and wondering how I would handle the same situation. I honestly think that honesty is probably the best policy. It's unfortunate that your friend made the offshoot comments about tee-totalling, however it sounds as though she is a genuinely supportive friend and that the comments were perhaps just a knee jerk reaction of relief on her part (possibly your decision to address your drinking habits inadvertently held up a mirror to her own and she was uncomfortable with the reflection? I know that this feeling of uncomfortableness used to affect me when socialising with friends who don't drink or don't drink to excess, feeling they would be 'judging me' etc., when in reality, and in hindsight, I can see that it was my own insecurities and the underlying niggling truth about my own issues with alcohol that were the real source of concern!), or possibly, as you said a simple result of her processing your decision to make such a significant change. Either way, as a close and supportive friend, I think that if you have a candid chat and explain as much as you are comfortable with, she will undoubtedly try to understand things from your perspective and be supportive and encouraging of your decision. It may even inspire her to make some positive changes too!
I think focusing on all of the wonderful positives is a great way to shift the focus from aversion, and to look forward instead to all of the wonderful benefits, such as quality time creating memories (clear and long lasting rather than hazy and tinged with anxiety or guilt through the fog of alcohol), enjoying little indulgences like ice cream and maybe even looking at some sober activities you guys could partake in so as to introduce a whole new element to the trip? Maybe you guys could do a yoga class together or something, or even try something completely new?
Firstly, congratulations on 125 days!! Amazing!
I think it is so great that you are looking forward to this trip and it sounds as though you deserve this break as much as anyone with the incredible amount of effort you expend between work, family, working out and life commitments in general. You are an impressive lady on the work ethic and go-getter front for sure!
I was thinking about your dilemma and wondering how I would handle the same situation. I honestly think that honesty is probably the best policy. It's unfortunate that your friend made the offshoot comments about tee-totalling, however it sounds as though she is a genuinely supportive friend and that the comments were perhaps just a knee jerk reaction of relief on her part (possibly your decision to address your drinking habits inadvertently held up a mirror to her own and she was uncomfortable with the reflection? I know that this feeling of uncomfortableness used to affect me when socialising with friends who don't drink or don't drink to excess, feeling they would be 'judging me' etc., when in reality, and in hindsight, I can see that it was my own insecurities and the underlying niggling truth about my own issues with alcohol that were the real source of concern!), or possibly, as you said a simple result of her processing your decision to make such a significant change. Either way, as a close and supportive friend, I think that if you have a candid chat and explain as much as you are comfortable with, she will undoubtedly try to understand things from your perspective and be supportive and encouraging of your decision. It may even inspire her to make some positive changes too!
I think focusing on all of the wonderful positives is a great way to shift the focus from aversion, and to look forward instead to all of the wonderful benefits, such as quality time creating memories (clear and long lasting rather than hazy and tinged with anxiety or guilt through the fog of alcohol), enjoying little indulgences like ice cream and maybe even looking at some sober activities you guys could partake in so as to introduce a whole new element to the trip? Maybe you guys could do a yoga class together or something, or even try something completely new?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
