Notices

Life After Alochol

Old 05-06-2018, 07:10 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Life After Alochol

I apologize for the long rambling rant but I kind of wanted to make one of those diary threads because I basically just need a place to express what's going on with me in this struggle to rebuild my life after alcohol.

Some of this is stuff I've written about already but just to get it all out.. The biggest thing I'm struggling with right now is a lack of support. I moved to a new state where I knew virtually no one and have cut ties with pretty much everyone from my past. I've gone from relationship to relationship, made friends and family the center of my life.. so this isolation and self-reliance is literally the only way I managed to get sober but it's also a double edged sword.. I've reached a plateau in terms of what I can accomplish here alone.

I quickly ruined things with the guy I moved here for with my drinking. A couple months after I quit we started seeing each other again. I say seeing each other and not dating because it's definitely not official. I've told him I'm not sleeping with or interested in anyone else and he's expressed the same, but that's it as far as the commitment goes. We talk often and see each other most weekends but there's no sleeping over (I've brought this up recently and he basically said "we'll see"). Still need to find a way to express my guilt about the past in a meaningful way.. Honestly I don't deserve another chance with him but I also don't deserve to continue suffering in this limbo if there will never be a resolution.

The second mess I'm still trying to sort through is my job situation. I for whatever reason decided to go into real estate and then backed out almost immediately realizing I was in no state to start making good first impressions. That was in September though and I'm gonna have to decide if I want to keep my license active or not. Would be a shame to have gone through the hassle and then not even tried. Summer seems like a good time to jump back into it, I could start by just doing open houses on the weekends and hope for the best.. and I mean really, what do I have to lose? Again I don't really know anyone here so it's kind of daunting but that's just an excuse at this point.

I've been reading some self-help books and trying to get to the bottom of some of my subconscious beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviors.. In terms of money it's actually pretty simple. My parent(s) expressed love with money. I rebelled against this and basically said I'd rather struggle then sell out for your approval.. That was fine but now at 27, I'm still just paying bills and getting by. Not really getting ahead.

I really believe there's a happy, fulfilling life on the other side of this and the only way to get there is to keep moving forwards and looking fearlessly at the issues without alcohol. But it's not easy. And it's not even about alcohol anymore, it's about figuring out who I am and what I really want.. So rant over, thanks for listening. If I manage to make any progress on the job or social fronts I'd like to be able to share it with you guys.
Cosima11 is offline  
Old 05-06-2018, 07:54 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Hi Cosima! Sounds like you have lots of decisions and choices to make. Glad you made the thread to sort through your thoughts and feelings. But the really great news is that you are sober and in a good state of mind to start putting your life in order! Hope you take some time to celebrate what you have achieved The rest sounds like "real life" stuff--figuring out a career and relationships; taking a look at patterns from your childhood. All normal for your late twenties Sounds like you're right on track for creating a life you love.
ProfessorD is offline  
Old 05-06-2018, 09:32 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Thanks! I know these are "normal" things for people my age but I can't help but feel like I'm just extremely behind in every area of life right now. Most people have either committed to a career or a family or both.. I have neither. Nothing self-pity will solve though.
Cosima11 is offline  
Old 05-06-2018, 11:02 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Cosima

Yeah, I agree with ProfD, pretty normal stuff.

1. The guy. Well if a second chance is what you wanted then its great you're getting that opportunity. But protect yourself and your recovery. You're about 6 monthish....less the shrooms Lol? So you're just figuring things out right now. If 'things' with the guy aren't really going in the direction you feel you need, don't let that happen because you feel bad about nuking the relationship with your drinking. I mean, do you think he can move past it? Have you asked him? Just be careful.

2. Alone. Have you tried AA? If for no other reason than to meet other people in recovery? There are also meetups and I know for sure people use those as networking for real estate. I know because of the disproportionate number of realtors I met when I used to attend. Some of them involve drinking so ya probably want to opt out of those.

3. Real Estate. I tried that too. While drinking wasn't the reason I struggled with it, I was new to the area, knew no one and just wasn't willing to do what it would have taken to make a go of it. Oh and that pesky great recession happened 6 months after I got my licence. So there's that! Right now is a good time to be in real estate. Network network network. Join business associations, professional groups, entrepreneur groups, toast masters, soroptimist society. Meetups again has more of that.

Hang in there. Stay sober. You're really so young. You're not behind. You're right where you should be!
entropy1964 is offline  
Old 05-06-2018, 11:43 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Thanks Frickaflip! Yeah almost 7 months, the shrooms was with him.. Bad decision on my part but it's not like he forced me into it. He totally gets that I can't drink and that won't be happening again either, lol. I feel relatively ok about where things are with him now but there's really no talk about the future or the past, so I'm not sure. I haven't asked if he can move past it out of fear of being too "pushy". I'm not really groveling per say but I am putting myself in a position I probably wouldn't with anyone else.. out of guilt. So yes I feel something needs to change there.

I have gone to meetings but never found one where I clicked with the people.. Maybe I wasn't going to the right ones but the crowd was generally older. The thought did actually occur to me that I could use AA as a way to meet potential clients but thought that might be pretty.. unethical. Before I quit drinking I worked with a girl who is in AA and over 2 years sober now so I've thought about reaching out to her just to have someone to talk to.

Networking- yes that will be super essential if I'm going to move forward with this. I've been wanting to go to real estate investing meetups because a. ultimately I want to invest, and b. that's another way of meeting people who are actively buying and selling. There will definitely be events and circumstances that involve drinking (there was drinking in the office on the last day of training) and I didn't feel "ready" to face that in the beginning. But things are getting stagnant in my current routine and I'm definitely ready for change at this point.
Cosima11 is offline  
Old 05-06-2018, 05:16 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Cosima, btw I don't mean to minimize ANY of your struggles by suggesting that they are "normal." For what it's worth, it doesn't sound to me like you don't have a career or a family--rather, it sounds like you are in the process of finding both. There is no way to get to either without a bit of trial and error. You might do real estate or you might rule it out as a viable and satisfying profession. You might make a go of it with the guy or you will rule him out and move on! No way forward but through, as they say!
ProfessorD is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:14 AM.